Series: Daniel and Atlantis
Year: Future Time
Category: Drama, Crossover (Stargate: Atlantis), Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Alternate Universe, Sad,
Pairings: None, talk of Daniel/Sha’re,
Summary: Daniel starts to say no to everything and stops working and doing anything anyone says. How will Jack cope?
Warnings: remembrances of past abuse mental/physical,
Jack couldn’t find Daniel in any of the labs. Radek said that he hadn’t shown up for work that morning and even though Jack wasn’t taking care of Daniel anymore, Jack still loved him and cared for him. Jack knocked on the door to Daniel’s room. He heard a cough from inside and the door opened. He found Daniel lying in bed with the blankets pulled up around his head.
“What? I called Elizabeth and told her I was sick. Beckett’s been in to check me out. He says I have the flu.” Daniel rolled over and saw that it was Jack in his doorway, not a scientist. “Oh, hi, Jack.”
“Danny. You missed our breakfast time, so I came to make sure you were fine.”
“Yes, I need sleep but I am fine. Being sick isn’t that bad. It’s an excuse not to deal with them.”
“Them?” Jack asked. He took a few steps towards Daniel and, when the young boy didn’t say anything, Jack moved over to sit in the chair beside the bed. “Danny?”
“I just want to sleep, Jack. I just want to sleep.”
“Okay, mind if I stay here with you. I can do my work on a laptop and give you whatever help you need.”
“I’d rather be alone.”
“Too bad, Dannyboy. I’m staying in here.”
“No, you aren’t.” Daniel rolled over onto his back and sat up to look at Jack. “I would rather be alone.”
“You don’t have to and shouldn’t be alone, though.”
“Fine, if you don’t want me to be alone, find Ronon, or even Rodney. Have them come watch me. Anyone but you.”
“Daniel, I have bent over backwards to try and make it up to you. I didn’t know that you could hold a grudge this long.” Daniel looked at Jack in shock. Jack stayed right where he was but all Daniel did was roll over onto his stomach and go back to sleep.
“You should go, Jack,” Sheree said. Jack shook his head. “He doesn’t want you here.”
“I don’t care. If I do this, I can show him that I care.”
“And the next time you yell at him?”
“You say that every time. Yet you do it again and again. You won’t let Doctor Beckett give you a full exam.”
“There is nothing wrong with me.”
“Yes, there is.”
“NO, THERE ISN’T!” Jack screamed as he stood up and looked at the ceiling. Sheree didn’t answer. Jack sat back down and looked at Daniel. Daniel was curled up, half under his covers, taking up the smallest space he could. His head was tucked to his knees with his arms around them. Jack gulped and hung his head. He stayed that way for a few minutes before he left the room. Daniel started to shiver and the covers were pulled up over him.
Rodney and Daniel exited the ‘gate. Jack was standing just on the edge of the steps. He always did when Daniel came back from off world. This time it was different.
“Daniel, can we talk?” Jack asked. Daniel could hear the false calm in his voice. He was maintaining control in front of others.
“I have the mission debrief, Jack. Then I have to see Carson.”
“I would rather talk now. I’m sure Elizabeth wouldn’t mind.”
“General O’Neill, Daniel knows more than I do,” Rodney said. Jack turned to him.
“Why are you protecting him? He doesn’t need protection from me.” Jack stepped up into Rodney’s space.
“You don’t scare him, but you are scaring everyone else. Let Carson check you over.” Rodney ushered Daniel away from him. Jack wouldn’t let it. He grabbed Rodney’s arm and spun him around. Rodney looked at him in shock for several seconds before Jack pulled his arm back and let it fly. Rodney fell to the floor, and he grabbed his face.
“JACK!” Daniel screamed. Seconds later as Jack reached down for Daniel. An unseen force shoved him in the chest, and he landed many feet away. Jack tried to get up but he was held in place. “He won’t move. I won’t let him.”
“I’ve called Carson,” Elizabeth said as she came down. She helped Rodney stand then turned to Jack. When Carson and his team came in one of them bumped Daniel and he lost control of Jack. Instead of going after Daniel, he fled the room.
“I am tracking him,” Sheree said.
Moments later, Jack stormed into his room throwing his LSD into the wall and watching it shatter. He felt better after that. He grabbed the first thing he found and threw it against the wall. Item after item hit the wall. Jack destroyed his room for over an hour. Sheree couldn’t stop him. In the end, she didn’t tell anyone. She didn’t want them getting hurt.
Once Jack had thrown everything, he threw some of the bigger broken pieces and watched them shatter. It wasn’t until he heard the glass from the picture frame crunch that he stopped. He looked down and saw a picture of Charlie under his feet. Jack stopped cold. He just stared at the picture then started crying. He didn’t hear the door to his room open, and he didn’t feel the prick of the needle in his arm. He welcomed it when his world went black.
Carson watched as Jack was brought into the infirmary. Elizabeth came a few minutes later and watched as he checked Jack over.
“He’s fine. I’ll start the testing in the morning. Let him have a good night’s sleep. I want to talk to him before I do the testing.”
“Tell him that after his little outburst in his room. I am ordering the tests done. I can’t have him running around the city. He punched Rodney.”
“Daniel is with Rodney right now, in the Iso room. I felt it better after the scene in the ‘gate room.”
“Good. How is Daniel?”
“Scared. I’ve never seen him scared. He used to say that as long as he is in Atlantis, he’s safe.”
“His emotions are overtaking the Ancients knowledge in his head. I don’t know what is going to happen. I asked Rodney and Ronon to stay close to him.”
“I’d like to quarantine General O’Neill, just so that when he wakes up, he won’t scare Daniel. The lad has been through enough already.” Elizabeth nodded and moved towards the room Daniel and Rodney were in. She found Daniel sitting on the bed beside Rodney, reading a book. Elizabeth moved closer to the door and heard that Daniel was reading to Rodney. Elizabeth laughed. Daniel was reading Harry Potter out loud to Rodney. Rodney said he would never read those books.
Rodney looked up and saw her. He smiled at her and put an arm around Daniel’s shoulder to let him lean on him. Daniel rested his head on Rodney’s arm and his words started to slur. Ten minutes later, Daniel was asleep. Rodney waved Elizabeth into the room.
“It calms him down and he goes to sleep instantly. Ronon told me about it. Seems Ronon does it a lot. Daniel hasn’t caught on yet.”
“Well, keep it up and make sure that you take care of yourself. Carson is going to start the testing in the morning.” Rodney nodded and pulled the blanket up over Daniel. Rodney, Teyla, and John had adopted Daniel as a dear friend. Aiden had adopted him as a little brother and Ronon as a child. But Elizabeth knew that Daniel would only be happy with Jack. They had to find out what was wrong with him and fix it.
Elizabeth looked up when a knock came at her door. She looked up and saw nothing at normal height, so she looked down and saw Daniel. It had only been hours since she left him with Rodney.
“Daniel, how can I help you?”
“I’m quitting, resigning, whatever you want to call it.”
“We need you, Daniel.”
“Don’t try to guilt me. I am a kid. I want to act like one. I don’t want to worry about whether I had the translation on that machine right, and whether Rodney can fix it in time. From this point on, I will not do anything that isn’t life or death. The Ancients did this to me because they thought that I, in this form, could help everyone here in Atlantis. I am a help to no one if I am not allowed to do what I want. I am a kid that needs to do things. I thought that we had gone through this two years ago. I guess no one cared enough to follow through. Nothing you do or say can stop me this time. I won’t be used as a catch all. ‘If it’s a hard piece of technology, he’ll know what it is and save us time.’ I won’t do it anymore. Consider this my resignation.”
“Daniel, just calm down. Don’t make a big deal out of it. You don’t need to resign.”
“I am burned out. Going into the labs everyday makes me sick. I don’t want to do it anymore. I can’t do it anymore.”
“Okay, you can have some time…”
“I don’t want time. Not anytime that you would be willing to give. I want freedom. I can’t concentrate. Sheree explained to me that the knowledge in my head suppressed my natural instincts to be a kid. Now that I am trying to suppress the knowledge, the kid in me is coming out. Hence the reading and games that I play. I was fine while I was away from Atlantis. The knowledge wasn’t as busting to get out. I’ve made my mind shut that part of it out. I am making myself forget because it is hurting me to remember.”
“Daniel just take some time to calm down. I’m sure once you’ve rested up…”
“NO! I quit!” Daniel turned and left the room, leaving Elizabeth staring in shock. Moments later, Elizabeth received a call from Carson.
“Elizabeth, I have found nothing wrong with his blood. There is nothing on the scanner and nothing out of order with his tests.”
“I’ll be there in a few minutes.” Elizabeth told the people in the control room where to find her and then she left for the infirmary. When she arrived, Jack was pacing the Iso room ranting and raving. Carson stared at the room and didn’t acknowledge Elizabeth when she talked to him.
“Carson?” Elizabeth said a few minutes later. Carson jumped and turned to her.
“I’m sorry. I was thinking. I would like two guards. I want to take his blood while he is this way. If he has something in him it may only work when he is angry. Otherwise, it is in a dormant state.”
“How did the drug get in him?”
“This started about a year after he got here. It’s increased in intensity since then. Who is after Daniel and General O’Neill?”
“Yes, his anger is only directed at Daniel. Never anyone else, unless he is interrupted when it comes to the young boy.”
“Do what you have to. I need to talk to Daniel.” Carson nodded, and Elizabeth left the infirmary. She looked around the halls and then made her way to Daniel’s room. When she found that the door didn’t open, she entered on her own. She found the room empty. Nothing was in it.
“General O’Neill kept on visiting him when he didn’t want him to. Sheppard let him move into the room beside me,” Ronon said from the entrance of the room.
“Why wasn’t I informed?”
“He did it just before the mission. He didn’t want anyone but himself to tell Jack that he had moved. He didn’t want you to lie to him. Sheree knew. She knows everything.”
“I see. He moved so you could protect him?”
“Yes. He feared what the General could do to him while he was angry. I’m guessing the General came in here, found out that Daniel had moved, and that’s why he did what he did in the ‘gate room.”
“His attitude makes some sense now. Doctor Beckett is checking Jack over now. Hopefully, in a few hours we will have answers.”
“Has he quit?” Elizabeth looked at Ronon in shock. “He talks to a woman at night. I don’t know who she is. Sheree lets me listen in. Sheree doesn’t know her name, but she knows that he talks to a female.”
“I see. It seems quite a bit of his life is kept from me.”
“Quite a bit of his life is kept from everyone. The General made him open up. Since then, he has shut down.”
“Thank you, Ronon. Tell him that his resignation is accepted, and he can come back when he’s ready.” Ronon nodded and turned from the room. He stopped at the door and looked around.
“Since I found out that most SGC records were available for review, I’ve been reading on Daniel’s life. Why must he suffer more than others must? General O’Neill told the rest of my team about Daniel’s parents, his foster homes, and his wife and brother.”
“I don’t know. Maybe the memory loss was a blessing. He has memories about his parents and the one foster home he was in. That’s why he was so skittish.”
“He’s talked to me some. From what the General says the homes only got worse.” Elizabeth nodded. Ronon gave her a small, sad smile before he headed for his rooms.
“Yes, Doctor Weir?”
“Can you play me back the things you have played for Ronon?”
“No, Ma’am. Daniel has only allowed me to play them back to him. I will not go against his wishes if it is not harming him.”
“But you will if you think it is necessary?”
“Daniel is sleeping in his room. He’s fine and sleeping deeply. If he has a nightmare, I will alert whichever of Ronon’s team is closest.”
“Good. Keep an eye on Jack as well. Please?”
“Of course.” Elizabeth nodded.
It took Carson longer than he thought to find what was wrong with Jack. He ran tests on the Ancient machines and found nothing wrong. It wasn’t until he ran a blood test under a microscope that he saw it. He was able to separate the organism from Jack’s blood and tested it. It wasn’t anything he had seen before. Except one thing— it had nanites in it.
Carson called Elizabeth and waited for her to arrive. He had sedated Jack again. Jack had nearly destroyed the small room he had been held in. His hands were bloodied and very sore. Carson had been happy that he hadn’t broken anything.
Elizabeth entered followed by Radek.
“You said he has nanites in his blood?”
“Aye, he does. We took a small sample and applied an EM pulse to them. They were still functioning after that. I don’t know how to stop them.”
“I’m sure that we can come up with something,” Radek said as he looked at Jack’s file. He nodded at Carson and took the file and left.
“I was going to find young Daniel and tell him. I was wondering if you knew where he was?”
“I wouldn’t know. He quit and I have no clue where he spends his time.”
“Yes, I tried to convince him to take some extended time off but he said no. He wanted out of the job and away from the labs. He doesn’t want anyone bothering him at all for any research unless it’s dire. His eyes Carson. They were dead. He said that the knowledge in his head is hurting him. He’s trying so hard to be a kid, that the knowledge is suppressing itself. All because of the demands being made on him.”
“Rodney is doing his best. He comes in to talk to me. He can’t get the rest of the scientists to stop bugging him.”
“I’ve reviewed the logs. Two days ago he was woken up at midnight and all but threatened to get to the lab and fix something they messed up.” Carson shook his head. Elizabeth sighed and hung her head. “He’s a child. He may have the knowledge of the Ancients in his head, but he is a child first.”
“I’ll have a talk with him. See if we can’t do anything to help.”
Two Weeks Later
Daniel looked around the small settlement on the mainland. He wanted to live near them not with them. He wanted to be alone. He moved to the edge of the woods. He found the perfect little spot just inside. His tent would be seen from the settlement, and he would be safe.
Daniel started clearing the area of all debris. Ronon had shown him how to clean up an area and make it livable. Daniel knew that fresh water could be gotten from the settlement and food, as he needed it. He just needed to clear and set up an area for a fire pit. John and his team had made sure that he had everything he needed, including his Navas. It was floating near the water’s edge and was just waiting for him to do what he needed with it. Daniel was going to use it to look around the lower parts of the land. Anything he found he would report but for the most part he was just going to have fun.
His mind was blank for the first time in over two years. The information was there, but he knew how to control the flow of it from his subconscious into his waking mind. Daniel recalled the conversations between Doctor Heightmeyer and Elizabeth. Heightmeyer had been very pleased with how he was acting. She okayed him coming to the mainland to live. Saying that he needed it, needed to be away from the stress of the every day life in Atlantis.
“His body won’t handle it. He’s lost weight; he has the start of an ulcer. Luckily Carson found it in time. Doctor Weir, if you hadn’t already agreed to let him leave his post, I would have forced it. We have adults who do less than half the work he does, and they are barely handling it. Stress affects the body in weird ways. I’m surprised he hasn’t had a break down, in consideration of everything that he’s gone through according to these reports.”
“Carson thinks that Daniel is having trouble sleeping on his own. Even when he is not interrupted. He talks to a woman at night. I wonder if outside the city he’ll still be able to.”
“I don’t know. All he has to do is wait and see. Children bounce back. After some time, he will be back to what is normal for him.”
“Which isn’t very normal. I don’t know whether I want him to be normal. We can’t help him with Jack. Now at least he has a buffer. All the knowledge in his brain is being suppressed.”
“The mind does what it wants. It will do what it thinks is best. You have to trust that it will cope with everything. I don’t know how to handle this. I don’t know what to do. All I can do is watch and make sure that no harm comes to him.”
Daniel sighed as he looked around. This was just what he needed to get back to normal. A few months, maybe a year on the mainland and maybe he could go back to Atlantis. He didn’t know if he would be able to work full time by then, but he could try.
One Week Later
Daniel stepped out of his tent on the edge of the mainland’s wooded area. He watched the sunrise before he started cleaning up his living area from the small supper he had the night before. Once the sun was fully up he was going to go on a hike through the woods, to try to clear his head before he started work on the small device he had brought with him.
Daniel heard rustling and pulled out the knife that Ronon had given him before he came to the mainland.
“Daniel?” Kalian called out. Daniel smiled and lowered the knife. He moved to greet his new friend as he entered the area.
“I’m here, Kalian.”
“I was hoping to catch you before you left.”
“I’ll be leaving in about ten minutes. Did you need something?” Daniel saw the small hip bag on Kalian and two sets of sticks.
“A gift from Teyla for you. She also thought you might like it if I taught you a little more on these.”
“You’d be willing?”
“Yes, Teyla and Ronon think I’ll be a good teacher for you.”
“Did you see Seshat?”
“No, I didn’t. She didn’t sleep with you?”
“Yeah, but early this morning she left.”
“She’s probably out hunting something. I wouldn’t worry.”
“Yeah, she’s able to take care of herself.” Kalian smiled at Daniel before he started to clean out the fire pit. “You don’t have to do that.”
“We’ll be back for lunch. You cook better than I do. Least I can do it get this ready for cooking.” Daniel laughed at him before he nodded and went into the tent to finish getting ready. When he came out, he grabbed his bag, and they set off. Five hours later, they came back to Daniel’s small camp. Seshat was curled up in front of the tent, and Daniel laughed.
“I forgot to open it up so that she could go in.”
“She’s fine. How are you?”
“You are dealing well?”
“You are out here alone for the first time since…”
“I’m used to being alone.”
“There are rumors that you used to be a full grown adult…how did this happen?”
“I don’t know. Jack told me that I was taken by an enemy, and he believed that I was killed aboard one of their ships. I was returned to the SGC in the form I am with no memories of my life before that age. My parents had been dead only a few months and I wasn’t in a good place. It took quite a while for me to let Jack in.”
“But things got better?”
“Things got much better. Until we got here. He changed. I know now what caused it but it doesn’t help.”
“No child should have his father yell at him like he did to you.”
“He’s not my father. My father died over five years ago to me, but many years in reality.”
“Daniel, you love him.”
“I loved him as anyone would a friend, but I never associated him with a father figure.”
“Daniel, you know that’s not true.”
“Yes, it is.”
“Yes, it is. Cause otherwise it hurts too much.” Kalian pulled Daniel close and hugged him.
“Daniel, let go. Have you let go?” He heard a small snuffle from Daniel and then Daniel started shaking. Kalian smiled. Daniel would be fine once he let everything go. After a while, Daniel started calming down. Kalian saw Teyla and Ronon in the trees. When they saw the two boys, they backed off.
“I know that he is under the influence of an alien drug but…what he said hurt so much.”
“What hurt the worst?”
“He said that death was the only way my parents could escape me.”
“No one should say that to a child.”
“No one should say that to anyone.”
“They’ll find a cure, and you’ll have him back.”
“I don’t want him back. I don’t want anyone back. It hurts too much. Daniel knew that. He didn’t let anyone near him.”
“Jack’s different, and you are letting me in.”
“You won’t hurt me.”
“You thought that Jack wouldn’t.”
“Jack has hurt me before. I’ve read files where he has. I’m done with him.”
“Don’t!” Daniel screamed pulling back from Kalian. “I am done with adults. All they do is get in the way. They make you care and then give you up!”
“No! I will not. Just leave, please.”
“You need to eat.”
“I’ll eat when I am damned ready.”
“Promise me you’ll eat.” Daniel sighed and nodded. Kalian nodded and backed up from the campsite. Once he cleared the forest, he saw John, Rodney, Teyla, Ronon, and Aiden standing there. “He’s not doing too well. I got him to let go, but I pushed too far.”
“Don’t let him hurt himself.”
“He’s not suicidal. He won’t hurt himself.”
“You barely know him, Kalian,” Teyla said. Kalian looked at her.
“And you don’t know him. Jack hurt him far more than anyone should be hurt. I think his inner mind knows what he went through as a child the first time, and it’s protecting him.”
“Just keep an eye on him,” Ronon said. Kalian nodded.
“He’s got all he needs?” Aiden asked. Kalian nodded. The team headed off, and Kalian watched them. He shook his head before going back to his family’s living space. He kept an eye on Daniel’s throughout the day and went to bed when Daniel did. He just hoped that the cure for Jack didn’t take long. Jack was the only one who was going to be able to get through to the young man.
Jack was the only one with the connection to Daniel’s past and his psyche. Jack was the only one who could crack the shell that Daniel had erected and kept around himself.