Finding Home 1-Lost

Title: Lost
Series: Finding Home #1
Year: 1990-1996
Category: Drama, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, AU, First Time,
Ratings:  NC-17
Pairings: Jack/Daniel
Spoilers: None
Summary: One look at how an AU for Jack and Daniel could have gone…..Starting with their first meeting and ending with the death of one
Words: 13,387
Warnings: Character Death (Non Permanent)

May 1990

Daniel Jackson entered the local coffee shop. This was his first year of college in D.C. but this was the first time he had set foot in this shop. He looked around for an empty table but didn’t find one it was only eleven, he hadn’t expected it to be this crowded this early in the day. He was getting ready to leave when a man waved at him. Daniel didn’t wave back because he didn’t know the man. The man waved him over to his table. The table was large and the man had his work scattered over half of it. Daniel thought he recognized the man. Like he had maybe seen the man before in the paper or at a lecture or something.

“I don’t mind sharing the space. Go ahead. Sit.” The man said. Daniel nodded and sat down. But he kept an eye on the man. He knew about some things people did to others. He didn’t trust the human race all that much. He set out his books and started to work on his homework. A few minutes later a waitress got him a cup of coffee. Daniel didn’t notice the man watching him. Daniel drank the coffee while it was still steaming. After he finished his homework for the day he switched to a book he was reading for fun. He sat there a while, not noticing the looks. “So are you in college?”

“Huh? You talking to me?” Daniel asked looking up at the man. The man just laughed. Daniel liked the way the smile lit up the man’s face.

“I’m Jack O’Neill.” The man said holding his hand out for Daniel to shake. Daniel did.

“Daniel Jackson. And yes. Sophomore year.” Daniel answered with a smile. Jack watched as the smile lit Daniel’s eyes and face up.

“You look young.” Jack said. Daniel blushed and ducked his head.

“I’m 16 almost 17. I got a head start on college.” Daniel said. The waitress refilled Daniel’s cup for the seventh time. “What about you?”

“Me? I work part time for O’Neill Flights. I’m 28.” Jack said. Daniel cocked an eyebrow.

“Part time?” Daniel asked a smile on his face. Because people Jack’s age usually didn’t work part time unless they had other things going for them. Or just didn’t want to work.

“Yes, part time. It’s my fathers company. I’m an engineer there.” Jack said. It clicked where Daniel had seen him.

“So Dr. Jack O’Neill?” Daniel asked. Jack nodded. “I remember now where I’ve seen you before. Major O’Neill. On the cover of the ‘Washington Times.’ It was you and some General. About the new airplane. You helped develop something on it.”

“You have a good memory. That was seven months ago. But yes it was me.” Jack said. Daniel laughed.

“Photographic memory. I remember almost everything.” Daniel said. Jack laughed.

“So what are you studying?” Jack asked looking at the book and not understanding anything that was said in it.

“Oh this…no. This is just to keep the languages I’ve learned intact. This is Gaelic. I went to two years at Oxford. Then have spent the last year abroad. I got a degree in languages. Masters. I’ll go in a few years for my PhD. But I wanted to get these classes over with.” Daniel said pointing at a different book. Jack picked it up. “I want to be a writer. I’m sorry. I’m probably boring you to death. I’ll just go back to reading.”

“No. It’s interesting. I’ve never seen someone as young as you have it all planned out. Me? When I was your age I was still in high school. I wanted into the Air Force I knew that. But that was it. So why the study of languages if you want to be a writer?” Jack asked. Daniel looked at him for a moment. Wondering if Jack was just being nice or he wanted to know.

“My mom. She was a linguist.” Daniel said. He looked down at his book. Hoping Jack wouldn’t go into it farther.

“I bet she’s proud.” Jack said. Jack missed the look of pain cross Daniel’s face. Daniel stared at his book without reading anything.

“I hope she is.” Daniel answered. He hadn’t really thought about that ever. He tried not to.

“What do you mean?” Jack asked. That answer he got worrying him. He had never heard that tone come from someone so young. He had heard it from vets who had seen friends die.

“She died about nine years ago. Her and my father.” Daniel said. Jack sucked in a breath but knew instinctively that Daniel didn’t want pity.

“I’m sorry.” Jack said but he let the subject drop. They didn’t speak the rest of the afternoon. Around three Jack packed up his stuff and left. Saying goodbye to Daniel. By then Daniel was working on his English homework and didn’t look up when Jack left. Just mumbled a goodbye and that was it.

Jack left the coffee shop and returned to his desk at the O’Neill

Flights home base. He worked from here all the time though not all of it was for his father’s company. Most of it was designs and such for newer and more improved things to do with Military airplanes. But he couldn’t get Daniel out of his mind. Nor did he for the next week. Everyday around eleven he went to that coffee shop but Daniel wasn’t there.


A week and a half later Jack was walking by a different coffee shop and saw a person sitting alone at a table. The whole table was covered in books and the person was writing away. Jack recognized Daniel in an instant. Jack entered the shop. He didn’t have to work that day so he could take his time to talk to Daniel. Jack knew he liked Daniel. And could grow to like him more in other ways. But of course there was the age factor. Daniel was 12 years younger. But he seemed mature. He didn’t want to mess things up so he was going to take things slow. Become friends with Daniel before even considering dating the young man. Of course he had thought of the fact that Daniel didn’t like men that way. But he tried not to think of it often.

Daniel happened to look up as Jack neared his table. Jack saw the spark of recognition in Daniel’s eyes. Daniel motioned for Jack to sit down while he sipped his coffee and wished he had left earlier.

“Major O’Neill, it’s a pleasure to see you again.” Daniel said with a smile. Even though he hadn’t gone to the other coffee shop so he wouldn’t see the other man again. Jack sat down and smiled.

“Please call me Jack.” Jack said. Daniel smiled and nodded. He looked down at his papers and made a few notes before he started closing the books. “No, continue working.”

“I finished my homework. I was just studying. I take my last final tomorrow at noon.” Daniel said. He packed his stuff into his bag and pulled out a book. A waitress took Jack’s coffee order. “Do you ever work?”

“Not today. I only work four days a week. Two and a half for the military at my dad’s company and one and a half for my dad.” Jack said. Daniel laughed. He looked at his watch for a second before looking back at Jack. “Have somewhere to be?”

“No. I taped a hockey game last night. I was just making sure I still had time to watch it before five.” Daniel said.

“Hockey?” Jack asked. Daniel smiled. Everyone always questioned his love of the game. “Not the season for it.”

“It’s an older game. Re-run. And I like hockey. Never a dull moment.” Daniel said. Jack smiled. And thought about how this teen wasn’t just a geek.

“Why before five?” Jack asked. Thinking that was early in the evening, for a Friday night, to be heading home for the night.

“That’s when I eat supper. I go out on Wednesday nights to eat. That way I can say I don’t spend all my time working or reading.” Daniel said. He couldn’t understand why he was telling Jack this. He never talked about himself if he could help it. But with Jack he just wanted to talk. He wanted to share things with the man. And that was scaring him. He’d never been that way with anyone. “You’re very easy to talk to, Jack.”

“Really? No one’s every told me that before. Of course I don’t have many friends either.” Jack said. He saw the nod of agreement from Daniel. “You’ve got to have friends.”

“No. I have no one close. I have friends. The one’s I study with. The ones who drive me home sometimes.” Daniel said.

“You don’t have a car?” Jack asked.

“No, I don’t. I’ve never needed it. I live in a loft about seven blocks from the school. Shops and stores are close. If I need to go somewhere else, I take a cab.” Daniel said. Jack nodded at the sense of it.

“Do you work?” Jack asked. They stopped talking long enough for the waitress to refill their drinks.

“From home. I work for a magazine consortium. I translate and edit things from other counties. I live in the loft my foster parents owned. I sold everything of theirs when they died in a plane crash. I invested most of the money. They weren’t the best parents. I live off the money from my job. Which is not inconsiderable. I rarely dip….” Daniel stopped when he noticed he had told Jack about most of his life. He started blushing.

“Let’s see. I get good money from both of my jobs. I live in an apartment owned by my father. It’s near the office so that’s good. I have money invested. I live happily alone. My co-workers don’t like my humor. Don’t understand it. They hate my attitude. And they can’t stand how I act. They put up with me because I am good at what I do. My mom and dad live in a nice house outside town. I went to school on the Air Force payroll. Now I work for them to make anything that flies better and safer.” Jack said. As he talked the blush left Daniel’s face. He looked down at his watch. “It’s three o’clock. You should get going if you want to watch the game.”

Daniel nodded and moved to stand but he plopped right back down in the seat. He looked at Jack who cocked an eyebrow at the look he was getting.

“Do you like hockey?” Daniel asked. He didn’t know why he was doing this. Jack was military and Daniel was gay. But maybe Jack could be a good friend to him. Just maybe.

“Yeah. Best sport there is.” Jack answered. Hoping this meant that Daniel was going to invite him over to see the game. Daniel nodded.

“Then why don’t you come with me? We can watch the game and talk some more. If you want?” Daniel asked. Jack saw the hope there. Jack nodded. He stood up and set money on the table for his coffee, as did Daniel. Since Jack had an opening he was going to try to make this a weekly thing. Seeing Daniel. And maybe after a while they could be good friends and then maybe more.

September 1990

Jack waited around for the end of Daniel’s last class of the day. It was Friday. So he was hoping that whatever happened both would be able to go to work Monday. Jack watched everyone file out of the class. He knew that Daniel would be last out. He never packed up until the teacher dismissed them. And he always took his time in packing everything up. So he didn’t lose anything or nothing was damaged. Five minutes later Daniel walked out of the class with a backpack over one shoulder and three books in his arms. He wasn’t aware of Jack. And when Jack pulled the books out of his arms he jumped.

“Jack?” Daniel asked. He looked at Jack with a strange look on his face. But his heart leaped at little at seeing Jack. He had found a true friend in the older military man. He knew he could easily grow to like the man in more than friends’ way. But he didn’t let himself because Jack was straight.

“This was your last class right? Until Monday?” Jack asked. Daniel nodded. Jack grabbed his arm and pulled him along until they got to Jack’s truck. “Put your stuff in the back seat. It’s after six. How about dinner?”

“Jack? What are you doing here?” Daniel asked. He didn’t like this. Jack was acting strange. His heart fell. Jack must have found out he was gay. Daniel resolved to not let Jack hurt him. He had had enough friends do that over the years. He wasn’t going to let another do it to him.

“Listen I want to talk with you. And here is not the place to do it. I was thinking we could pick something up and eat it at my place.” Jack said.

“No. I’m sorry. I can’t. Not tonight. I’m waiting on a call. I need to stay at my loft.” Daniel said. Jack couldn’t tell that Daniel was lying. And Daniel needed a reason to not go out with Jack. Otherwise he would make himself look stupid when Jack told him never to show his face around again.

“Do you need to wait alone? We could talk there.” Jack said. He saw something shift in Daniel’s face.

“Don’t worry, Jack. I understand. I won’t bother you anymore.” Daniel said. He turned and walked to a car that stopped in front of him. He got into the back seat. Jack watched the car drive away. He knew it would take Daniel a while to get home. Jack got to Daniel’s loft as quick as he could. He always thought it was funny that Daniel owned such a nice loft but he didn’t have the money for a car. Daniel’s foster parents had left him the loft. They owned and so when they died it was passed on to him. All he had to pay was utilities. Jack parked his truck where Daniel wouldn’t see it. Then he went up to Daniel’s place. It only took him a few seconds to pick the lock. This wasn’t how he wanted to do this. He had known Daniel for five months. He didn’t understand why Daniel acted like that. He heard a noise outside the door so he hid behind it. Daniel entered. He set his backpack on the floor and his books on the counter. That’s when Jack moved forward. He put a hand around Daniel’s waist and one over his mouth.

“Daniel, I just want to talk.” Jack said. Daniel picked up his foot and slammed it down on Jack’s. Jack let go and he got an elbow to his stomach.

“I told you before. You don’t have to worry. I wasn’t going to hang around you anymore. I’m surprised it took you this long to figure it out. The whole campus knows.” Daniel said. He moved and opened the front door. “You can leave now. Your reputation is intact.”

“Daniel, I think you misunderstood.” Daniel’s eyes widened in shock then his whole face-hardened.

“Wow. Maybe all military men are the same. Have to beat me up? Make the fag hurt? To keep your manhood?” Daniel said. Jack stepped forward but Daniel didn’t step back. He wasn’t going to let Jack bully him. Daniel wasn’t prepared for the hand and went around the back of his neck or the one that went around his waist to pull him close. He gasped when Jack brought their lips together. Jack kept up the pressure. He slipped his tongue out to trace Daniel’s lips. Daniel opened his mouth and moaned when Jack tangled their tongues together. Jack pulled his face back to talk but he kept his arms around Daniel. Daniel had moved one hand to Jack’s upper arm and the other was on Jack’s face, holding him tenderly. “Are you making fun of me?”

“Never. I really like you.” Jack said. He gave Daniel another quick kiss. “I’ve always been gay. I keep it hid because I’m in the military.”

“I’m sorry. I’ve had a lot of friends who have found out and left. It was easier to run away than to hear it. Defense mechanism.” Daniel said with a blush creeping onto his face. He ducked his head. “I really like you, too. But I am not good at relationships.”

“Neither am I.” Jack said.

“Cancel each other out?” Daniel asked with a smile. Jack nodded.

“I’m hungry. Do you want to cook, order in, or go out?” Jack asked letting Daniel go fully. He was trying to keep things light so that Daniel wouldn’t freak. He didn’t want Daniel to treat him any different. He hoped Daniel would catch on.

“I’ll cook. But we have to go to the store. I haven’t been there in a while. Living on take-out.” Daniel said with a smile. Jack smiled back and opened the door to usher Daniel out so they could get back soon. He had never seen Daniel cook and knew it would be fun. Shopping was fun as well. Jack had never seen Daniel smile that much when he wasn’t talking about books or languages. They bickered over what they were going to eat. Finally deciding on sweet and sour pork. When they got back into Jack’s truck, Jack pulled Daniel over for a quick kiss.

“Jack!” Daniel said. He looked around. “You shouldn’t…” But Jack cut him off with another kiss before he could finish his sentence. Daniel pulled back so far that Jack couldn’t reach him again. Jack laughed lowly and started the truck. Jack saw the worry on Daniel’s face and sombered up slightly. Of course Daniel wasn’t used to a relationship where you just kissed for no reason. He kept quiet till they got up to Daniel’s loft. Daniel went to the kitchen and started cutting vegetables.

“Daniel, listen, I’m not followed around. No one cares. I checked to make sure no one was around before I kissed you.” Jack said.

“I don’t want to see you hurt.” Daniel said. Jack heard the unspoken ‘because of me.’ Jack pulled him into a hug.

“Quit worrying. Plus I noticed you’ve stopped calling yourself almost seventeen. You didn’t tell me you had a birthday.” Jack said tickling Daniel’s sides lightly. Daniel squirmed away from him, already familiar with Jack’s touch.

“Yeah, about two months ago.” Daniel said sitting down the knife and turning around. Jack was holding something. It looked like it could be a book.

“It was supposed to be a ‘no hard feelings’ present. To show that even if you didn’t feel the same, I still wanted to be friends. Now it’s a very late birthday present. But through no fault of my own.” Jack said handing it to Daniel. He knew from the weight it was a book. It was wrapped in simple brown paper. “When I was over two weeks ago I checked to make sure you didn’t have it.”

“Jack, you shouldn’t have.” Daniel said making sure not to rip the paper while opening it.

“I wanted to.” Jack said. Daniel smiled and looked at the book. It was in Gaelic. “You said you liked stories about King Arthur. Its ‘Le Morte d’Arthur’ I found it in Gaelic and thought you might like it.”

“Jack this is. I. Thank you. I’ve never been big on birthdays. I hate parties.” Daniel said. Jack nodded. Daniel looked up at Jack from the book to smile at Jack. “What about yours?”

“Mine? October 20th.” Jack said. Daniel laughed at the closeness of it. “Do you really have to wait on a call?”

“No. I just said that. To protect my self. To give a reason for not going out. But I am hungry. And you need to be out of the kitchen for me to cook.” Daniel said ushering Jack out of the kitchen, Jack laughing while he did it. “Go watch TV or something. Food should be ready within the hour. If I’m not bothered.”

August/September 1991

Daniel knocked on Jack’s front door. He waited a minute and then knocked again. This wasn’t like Jack. In the year they had been together, Jack had always been prompt. Especially since Daniel was late. Daniel looked at his watch. He was supposed to be here around seven thirty it was now very close to eight. Daniel turned the doorknob and it opened.

“Jack?” Daniel called into the apartment as he stepped in. Then he saw a small, pale light go on in the kitchen. He walked towards it and entered the kitchen. Two candles lit the room. The table was set with fine plates and wine glasses. He could smell the sauce for spaghetti. He also noticed the strings of classical music on low. He felt Jack move up behind him.

“You like?” Jack asked threading his hands around Daniel’s waist, pulling Daniel back against him.

“It’s beautiful, Jack. But it’s three weeks before a year.” Daniel said turning in Jack’s hold. Not understanding why he would go to all out for a normal night together.

“I know. But I wanted to tell you something. I was going to wait until after. But I can’t.” Jack said. He kissed Daniel for a few long minutes, loving it when Daniel opened his mouth so Jack could taste him, then pulled back. He smiled then put his mouth next to Daniel’s ear. “I love you, Daniel Jackson.”

“Jack, I uhh…I don’t…uhh” Daniel stuttered. He didn’t know how to answer. He truly didn’t know what he felt for Jack. Jack pulled back so he could see Daniel’s face.

“Shh. Danny, your twelve years younger than me. I don’t expect you to say it back, not yet. I just wanted to tell you. So you know I’m not going anywhere. And I don’t want you to stay just because I love you. You are eighteen years old.”

“And I’m happy. Last time I was this happy was with my parents.” Daniel said hugging Jack. Then he kissed Jack quickly. “And I want you to know that I care for you. A lot. But….”

“No pressure, Danny. And I won’t say it again.” Jack said. Daniel shook his head no. He was happy and he didn’t want to change Jack or make his change.

“No. Say it when you feel like it. And I like hearing it.” Daniel said. And he did. He liked hearing it. It made him feel special. He kissed Jack again. “So let’s eat.”

“Yes.” Jack said. He served the food and they ate in silence. Daniel noticed how Jack seemed to inhale his food. He was eating like a starved man.

“Hungry?” Daniel asked with a smile on his face. Something he didn’t do enough Jack thought. Jack looked up and blushed. He hadn’t meant to be so quick about eating.

“I didn’t eat much for breakfast or lunch. I was too nervous. Afraid you wouldn’t be happy about it. Afraid you would leave.” Jack said smiling and finishing his food. Daniel had eaten at a much slower pace and wasn’t done, so Jack sat back and watched him eat. Neither man liked to talk while eating. They enjoy the silence. Daniel looked up at Jack when he took a drink and saw that Jack was looking at him, he blushed. As he always did when he caught Jack staring at him.

“Why do you do that?” Daniel asked as he stood to clean off his plate. He leaned over the sink his back to Jack so he didn’t see Jack stand with his plate.

“What? Watch you? I like to. Your hands move gracefully. I really like just watching you move.” Jack said standing behind Daniel to clean his plate. “So, what do you want to do?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to go out. I’m tired.” Daniel said shutting off the water and turning around. Jack leaned forward and they kissed.

“Sit and watch a movie on the couch?” Jack asked. He liked the idea of just holding Daniel for the evening.

“Sounds good.” Daniel said with a nod. He followed Jack to the living room. Jack sat down on the couch. Daniel stood for a moment thinking where he was going to sit. Jack put his arm on the back of the couch and Daniel sat down beside Jack. Curling into his side. Jack smiled as the movie started. Daniel had always hated being touched. It was something to do with his childhood, something Daniel never talked about. Daniel had slowly come to letting Jack touch him when he wanted.. Jack slipped his arm around Daniel’s waist and Daniel laid his head on Jack’s shoulder. Three hours later the movie was over and Jack was looking down at the head in is lap. Daniel had been asleep for the last hour. He had slipped from Jack’s shoulder down into Jack’s lap. With Jack’s help that is. The position Daniel’s neck had been at wouldn’t have done him any good. Jack traced a finger down the side of Daniel’s face lightly. Daniel cracked an eye open. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Jack said. Daniel looked around for a second and noticed the time.

“I fell asleep.” Daniel said. Jack nodded.

“Yes, you did.” Jack said with a smile. And he had liked it. Daniel looked like a child when he was asleep.

“In your lap.” Daniel said dryly. Jack laughed lightly.

“Actually you fell asleep on my shoulder and slipped down. It’s near midnight.” Jack said slipping a hand down to rest on Daniel’s stomach. Rubbing slightly. Enough for Daniel to close his eyes and hum slightly, liking Jack’s touch on his stomach.

“I have an eight o’clock class. I need to go.” Daniel said sitting up. Jack put a hand on Daniel’s thigh to stop him from standing.

“Use the guest room. I’ll drive you tomorrow.” Jack said. Daniel stared at him for a minute before nodding. Jack smiled. While they had been together almost a year, Jack wanted to take things slow. He didn’t want to rush because of Daniel’s age. And Daniel seemed fine with that. He stood up and pulled Daniel up. Daniel followed him to the guest room. “Dresser has clothes. Shirts and pants, sweatpants. If you want to shower, you can.”

“I shower in the morning.” Daniel said looking through the dresser for a pair of pants. He didn’t want to sleep in a shirt.

“Okay. What time do you want up?” Jack asked, as he got ready to set the clock.

“Six thirty.” Daniel said. Jack nodded. He kissed Daniel then left the room. He shut the door on his way out. Daniel changed and laid down the bed. This was the first time Daniel had stayed at Jack’s. He lay down and the moment his head hit the pillow he was asleep. Feeling comfortable.

Jack rolled over and looked at the clock. It was only two in the morning. He wondered what woke him up. Then he heard the noise again. It was talking, loud talking. He sat up in bed. And heard it again. Even louder this time and more urgent sounding; it was coming from the guest room. He quickly stood and moved to the guest room. He opened the door. Daniel was moving about on the bed, like he was having a nightmare. And he was.

“No. Please don’t. Don’t leave me. Mom!” Daniel screamed as he sat up. Jack stayed where he was. Daniel rubbed his eyes. He didn’t have his glasses on so he couldn’t see Jack in the doorway. Jack knew Daniel’s eyesight wasn’t the greatest when he didn’t have his glasses on. Everything had to be shadows and blurs. “Great. Let’s hope you didn’t wake him up. That’s all he needs. Getting woke up in the middle of the night by a whiny boyfriend.”

“Danny?” Jack called quietly. He didn’t like what he had just heard. Maybe those foster homes had been worse than he thought. Daniel jerked his head up and looked at the door. He grabbed his glasses from the bedside table. When he could see again he saw the frown on Jack’s face. He knew that Jack had heard him.

“It was just a nightmare. I’m sorry I woke you up.” Daniel said hoping Jack would leave, he didn’t want to talk about it, but Jack didn’t leave. Jack moved and sat on the edge of the bed. Jack put a hand on Daniel’s thigh. Jack didn’t say anything just looked at Daniel. After a few minutes Daniel caved. He looked down. “It was when my parents died. We were in a museum. Mom and Dad were setting up a cover stone. The chain broke and it fell on them.”

“Oh, Danny. You saw it?” Jack asked. Daniel nodded. Jack knew his parents had died but he never knew that Daniel had seen it. Jack pulled Daniel till he was tucked in his arms. Daniel knew that Jack wasn’t mad at him, for waking him, and Daniel started crying. Jack rubbed his hands on Daniel’s back until Daniel stopped crying. “I don’t care that you woke me up. I thought that you would understand that when I told you I love you.”

“Old habits. My foster parents hated it when I had nightmares.” Daniel said. He didn’t try to get out of Jack’s embrace. Jack shifted and they lay down. Daniel shifted so that Jack was spooned up behind him. Daniel also pulled the covers over top of them. Neither said anything just fell asleep. They woke up hours later in the same position. Jack woke first and didn’t move so that Daniel could sleep. Jack looked at the clock. It was only six. A few minutes before six thirty Daniel started moving. Jack felt the body tense. And he knew that Daniel must have been reacting to the fact that Jack was holding him.

“Just me, Danny.” Jack said into Daniel’s ear. Jack felt Daniel’s body relax.

“Morning, Jack.” Daniel said turning around in Jack’s hold. He kissed Jack. Jack felt a sudden urgency in the kiss and rolled them so that he was on top. His body between Daniel’s spread legs.

“This okay?” Jack asked. Daniel nodded before kissing Jack again. Jack felt Daniel’s arms go around his back and let himself settle on top of Daniel fully with Daniel’s arms pulling him down. Jack loved the taste of Daniel. Jack felt Daniel fully harden when he lay down and he hardened in response. Daniel moaned at the contact between them. Jack started rocking and he felt Daniel arch up to create more friction. Jack had to breathe so he released Daniel’s mouth and moved his face to Daniel’s neck and bite slightly. Just enough to leave a mark, then he sucked on it and made it red. And it made Daniel even harder.

“God, Jack!” Daniel moaned at the sensations Jack was creating on his body. Jack smiled and started kissing Daniel again. As Jack started rocking harder, Daniel caressed Jack’s back then brought Jack’s head even closer, he started sucking on Jack’s tongue. It was Jack’s turn to moan. He felt his orgasm nearing so he started moving faster. His hands were everywhere on Daniel. Daniel had long ago stopped trying to feel where they were. “Jack, I’m….” But Daniel never finished as Jack felt his body stiffen signaling that he was coming. Jack followed him. He was dozing lightly when he felt Daniel’s hand on the back of his head, caressing his neck. “It’s ten till Jack. I need to shower. Well we both do. I have a class in about an hour.”

“I know. I just don’t think I can move yet.” Jack said with a smile. He felt Daniel laugh and knew they would be fine. He thought that Daniel might freak. He had had a few lovers that had freaked. “And no more sleeping in here for you. My beds much bigger and more comfortable for a grown man or two. Much better for sleeping.”

“Okay.” Daniel said kissing Jack’s cheek while laughing. Jack stood up and pulled Daniel with him. Daniel picked at his sweatpants. The semen making them stick slightly to his groin. “Next time maybe we should be naked.” Daniel said with a grin as he moved towards Jack’s bathroom.

September 1991

Daniel was sitting on his balcony reading when Jack entered the loft using the key Daniel had given him before he had left last week. Jack looked at the book. He smiled when he saw it was a book Daniel was reading for fun. Daniel rarely read for fun anymore. It was in English and was a current bestseller. Jack’s slight anger at Daniel, for not telling him something, left when he saw him sitting there. Daniel might be a teenager but he was very mature for his age. More mature than most of the people Jack knew. Himself included. Jack grabbed a bottle of water from Daniel’s fridge and stepped on to the balcony. Daniel was lost in his reading and didn’t notice Jack was there. It was Friday night and Jack wanted to spend the weekend with Daniel. He’d had a hard week being away from Daniel and the conference he had been forced to attend. Which had been boring and had put him to sleep more than once.

“Hey, Danny.” Jack said. Daniel started and dropped the book. Daniel glared at Jack for a second before looking for where the book had fallen.

“Jesus, Jack. Don’t do that. Make noise for heaven’s sake.” Daniel said while picking up his book. He found his page and put his bookmark in it. But he didn’t stand. Jack thought this was odd. Daniel Al most always hugged him in recent times.

“I did. I got into the fridge. The door squeaks. Not my fault your mind was elsewhere.” Jack said handing Daniel the water. Daniel smiled and opened it. He took a long drink. “Didn’t you miss me?” Jack asked a pout on his face. He hadn’t seen Daniel in a week and he wanted a kiss.

“You brag about your military training?” Daniel asked a smile on his face. “Did that teach you to notice things? You always talk of being ever vigilant, seeing everything.”

“What?” Jack asked then he saw the crutches in the corner leaning against the wall. He briefly wondered how he had missed those things. Then remember that he had only had eyes from Daniel since the moment he had stepped in the door. He looked at Daniel. And he noticed that Daniel’s left leg wasn’t bent like the other. It was straight out in front of him. Jack dropped to his knees and ran his hand down Daniel’s leg. He felt Daniel shiver. Then he found the bandage around Daniel’s knee. “What happened?”

“Some students got into a fight. I got shoved. Piece of jagged metal cut me, the cut is seven inches, and had twenty-eight stitches put in. Can’t bend the knee or I’ll pop them.” Daniel said. Jack was frowning and looking at the bandage. “Jack, I’m fine. Come here. You’ve been gone a week.” Daniel said pulling Jack’s face up to him so they could kiss. Jack lost himself in the kiss until he remembered why he had come over. He pulled back a few inches from Daniel.

“Danny, you should have told me.” Jack said. Daniel frowned.

“Jack, it happened yesterday. And I don’t think it would have been a good idea. Your male lover calling you about himself getting hurt.” Jack shook his head a sad smile on his face.

“About last week. Your first time.” Jack said. Daniel’s face became a blank slate as he grabbed the railing and stood. Jack had figured it out a few hours ago. He remembered Daniel had told him that he never trusted anyone like he did Jack. And if it had been over a year before Daniel had felt comfortable enough with Jack to have sex then he wouldn’t have with anyone else.

“What do you mean?” Daniel asked while grabbing his crutches and tucking the book between his hand and the crutch. Jack followed him into the kitchen where Daniel started to get food ready for dinner. Jack put his hand over Daniel’s, which was holding a pot. Daniel set it down. He went from ramrod straight to slumping. Jack pulled the crutches out from Daniel’s armpits and moved to hold him. “I never liked someone that much and have them feel the same. Until you three months was the longest relationship I’d ever had.”

“And we are now just two weeks shy of a year.” Jack said, loving it when Daniel relaxed fully into his arms. “I’m not mad, anymore. I just would have wanted it to be a little better.”

“Romantic friction?” Daniel asked laughing all the while. Jack laughed as well. He was so in love with Daniel that he couldn’t stay mad at him for long. “Why don’t we save the romance until you enter me.”

“And we won’t do that until your ready. I don’t want to do anything with you until you are ready. I don’t want to hurt you in anyway.” Jack said. He turned Daniel around, carefully. He looked in Daniel’s eyes before kissing him. “In the meantime, we can have fun other ways. Like teaching you the mechanics of how it’s done.” Jack said. Daniel’s eyes went wide in surprise. “What? Think that because I’m military I wouldn’t want you to do it to me? Oh, no. I rather enjoy it. I love the feeling I get when someone’s inside of me. The fullness of having someone in me. The connection with the person I am with.”

“I just…” Daniel said ducking his head in embarrassment. He knew he had been caught making an assumption. He hadn’t really thought that Jack would be so open about it. He thought that he would have to wait a long time before Jack was comfortable with the idea of penetration.

“I know what you were just thinking. Now go prop that leg up. I’ll cook tonight.” Jack said. Daniel opened his mouth to fight Jack on that. Daniel hated to just sit down and not do anything. Jack stopped him by kissing him. Daniel found purchase on Jack’s face and pushed his head back. Before he lost himself in Jack’s taste.

“Jack is that how you are always going to shut me up?” Daniel asked. Jack pulled Daniel’s hands from his face and kissed each palm before handing Daniel his crutches.

“It’s the only way I know of, so far.” Jack said with a smile. He moved so Daniel could step away from the counter. Jack put a hand on Daniel’s shoulder. Daniel turned and looked at him over that shoulder. “I love you.”

“I know.” Daniel said. He turned his whole body to look at Jack. “Why don’t we order in Chinese?”

“Sounds good.” Jack said as he followed Daniel into the living room so they could sit on the couch. Jack convinced Daniel to lean against him He ordered food and it arrived twenty minutes later. They ate in silence, like they always had, then watched a movie. Jack smiled at the fact that Daniel had fallen asleep on Jack again. But this time he woke Daniel up. He needed to sleep on a bed with his leg the way it was. Jack gave him the crutches and shoved him in the direction of the bathroom, while Jack got the bed ready. Daniel emerged from the bathroom dressed in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. Jack helped Daniel get his leg comfortable on the bed then moved to shut up the loft for the night. Daniel stopped him by grabbing his arm.

“Stay?” Daniel asked. He released Jack’s arm and held up the blanket. Jack nodded. “In here?”

“Of course. But I have to change and shut up the place.” Jack said leaning down to kiss Daniel’s forehead. When he came back into the room five minutes later ready to sleep. Daniel was already asleep. Jack stripped to his boxers and lay down with Daniel. Daniel was lying on his back so his leg could be stretched straight out. So Jack snuggled up to his uninjured side. He looked at Daniel’s face. “I love you so much. And those that didn’t. They were blind and stupid.” Jack didn’t see the smile that came over Daniel’s face since he shut off the light just before saying that.


Daniel woke up to the smell of food cooking and a very strong smell of coffee. He opened his eyes to see Jack holding a cup of coffee, sipping it. He held out his hand and Jack smiled and handed him the cup. Followed by the medicine he had to take. Daniel grimaced at the medicine, but took them. Jack smiled again.

“I didn’t want you to forget them.” Jack said. Daniel handed him the cup back and Jack handed him another one. Daniel hadn’t seen that one on the nightstand. “That you just drank was mine. This was supposed to be yours.” Daniel smiled and Jack sat down next to Daniel waiting for him to finish the cup of coffee so he could kiss Daniel. And Daniel was expecting it. He leaned up to Jack and kissed him before Jack could move. Last night made him really believe that Jack loved him. Those words said when Jack thought he was asleep. Daniel lost himself in the kiss and it took a few seconds for him to notice that Jack was trying to pull back. Daniel let him go and smiled shyly.

“Sorry.” Daniel said. Jack kissed him quickly with a smile on his face.

“It’s just that the bacon’s gonna burn.” Jack said. He stood and went to the kitchen. A few minutes later he came back in. Daniel saw that he was looking unsure. He hadn’t seen that look on Jack since Jack had kissed him that first time almost a year ago.

“Jack?” Daniel asked.

“Are you allowed to shower?” Jack asked.

“Yes. But I have to be careful.” Daniel said. Jack nodded and smiled. But the hesitation was still there. Daniel smiled as it dawned on him what Jack wanted. “Of course help in the shower would be a lot better. That way I won’t rip my stitches.”

“Sweet.” Jack said. He moved to help Daniel stand up. Jack got Daniel into the bathroom and sitting on the toilet before he went to get the crutches and to put the food in the oven. Daniel hated eating before he showered so the food would have to wait. When Jack entered the bathroom Daniel was sitting on the toilet naked. Even the bandage had been removed.

“The wrapping is under the sink. You’ll have to change it once we are done and the wound is dry.” Daniel said. Jack nodded half hearing. His mind and eyes were stuck on the wound. Which was swollen and red. He crouched down and ran a hand around the edge of it. Daniel hissed. Jack pulled his hand back like it had been burnt.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Jack said feeling guilty.

“No. Jack, you didn’t hurt me. My knee is a really erogenous for me, even with it hurt like this. And I’d rather wait to be in the shower before we do anything.” Daniel said. Jack looked up at Daniel with his eyes wide. Daniel smiled. He had never talked to anyone about that and seeing the smile on Jack’s face he was glad he did. Jack slowly helped Daniel into the shower and turned on the water. Jack had already showered so this was going to be just for Daniel. Jack got the towels out for them to dry off on and by the time he got into the shower, Daniel was washing the shampoo out of his hair. Jack pouted.

“I wanted to do that.” Jack said. Daniel turned and looked at him surprised. They had shared a shower the week before but were both in such a rush they had done everything quickly and separately. That’s what he thought this was going to be.

“I…I’m sorry.” Daniel said. He handed Jack the bottle of conditioner. Jack smiled and took it. He took his time in doing Daniel’s hair. Massaging the scalp. Daniel was humming and moaning. Jack smiled. He moved Daniel under the water to wash the conditioner out. Then he grabbed rag to wash off Daniel’s body. He started with Daniel’s chest and arms. Daniel had kept his eyes closed the whole time. Just wanting to feel. He could feel Jack’s cock brush against his thigh. Jack was washing him but staying away from Daniel’s groin area. And Daniel was happy. If Jack touched him he knew he would come. A few minutes later Jack was done. After Jack moved him under the showerhead to wash the soap away he started kissing him. Daniel wound his hands around Jack’s neck to hold him there. Jack pressed himself close to Daniel until he felt Daniel tense. That’s when he remembered Daniel’s knee. Jack released his mouth and let Daniel breathe. “Don’t worry. That didn’t hurt. Too much.”

“I have a better idea.” Jack said. He helped Daniel move to where he was leaning against the wall of the shower with the water barely hitting him. He kissed Daniel again before dropping to his knees. Daniel gasped when Jack buried his face in his groin. His hands going to Jack’s shoulder to support himself so he wouldn’t collapse when he felt Jack take him partially in his mouth. When Jack had said he had a better idea he didn’t think that meant going down on him.

“God, Jack!” Daniel said trying to stay upright. And not hurt his knee. Jack hummed a little and Daniel gasped again. He could feel the vibrations translate from Jack’s mouth to his cock and he liked it. Jack started sucking and licking and Daniel was finding it even harder to stay standing. After a few minutes of ministrations on his cock Daniel was coming. Jack heard the moans and gasps as Daniel came and he came himself, without touching himself. Jack’s semen hit the bottom of the shower only to be washed away. Daniel barely registered that Jack was swallowing his semen but he could feel Jack’s throat muscles contracting. They had talked before about it and confirmed that they were both clean. But it still surprised Daniel. He started to slink down the wall and Jack stood up to catch him. Jack kissed him and Daniel could taste himself, which was very erotic to him. “I think you killed me.”

“I hope not. It would be kind of hard to explain. Death by sucking in the shower.” Jack said with a smile. Daniel looked down and saw that Jack was limp. He looked at Jack. Jack saw what Daniel was looking at. “The noises you were making set me off. The gasps and the moans. You barely said anything last week.”

“I think that was the surprise. Of course I can’t ask anyone else if I make noise. There hasn’t been anyone else. Jack, the waters getting cold. Help me out of here.” Daniel said as he started to shiver. Jack smiled and helped his lover out of the shower. He took his time in drying Daniel off and by the time Daniel was dry Jack was as well. Daniel always kept his place warm. Jack knew it was from him growing up in Egypt. He carefully patted the wound dry and tried not to flinch when Daniel gasped from pain. “I think I should take another pain pill. Now that I’m coming down from my high. It’s really hurting.” Jack could hear the pain in Daniel’s voice as he talked. Jack kissed the bandage before he pulled Daniel’s sweatpants up on him. Jack knew that the pain wasn’t all from the sex. Part of it was from the shower they had taken by its self. Jack gave Daniel his crutches and Daniel left the room to go to the kitchen. Jack cleaned up the bathroom and put the dirty towels in the washroom before dressing himself.

Daniel was sitting at the kitchen table with his head down. Jack walked up to him and rubbed his back. He could feel tension in Daniel’s back. Which he shouldn’t have, given what they did in the shower. No one should be that tense after sex.

“Danny?” Jack asked. Jack was worried. Daniel looked up and Jack saw the smile on Daniel’s face. But he saw the pain lines around Daniel’s eyes. Jack quickly got him a pill. Daniel took the pill without complaint.

“I bumped my leg on the table.” Daniel said as a way of explanation for why he was in such bad shape. Jack shook his head in wonder.

“Clumsy.” Jack said with a smile on his face. Daniel nodded. Jack quickly set about getting Daniel some food. Both men were starved.

February 1992

Daniel looked at his loft. The lights were down low and candles were lit all over. The food had just finished cooking. He looked at his watch. It was eight thirty and Jack should be there soon. He sat down on the couch to wait. At midnight Jack entered the loft, making sure to make very little noise. He saw the now ruined dinner and the half burnt candles. He moved to the living room. Daniel was curled up in a ball on the couch. Jack always wondered how Daniel got himself to be so small. Daniel stood at a little over six feet tall. And yet his build made him look small. Daniel had muscle to him. But it was easily hidden in the baggy clothes he wore most of the time. Jack saw the tear tracks down Daniel’s face and he was mad at himself. He saw the empty wine bottle lying on its side on the floor. Jack knew Daniel had to have had a friend buy the wine for tonight. Jack knew Daniel wasn’t waking up anytime soon.

Jack carefully picked up Daniel to carry him to the bedroom they now shared. He had started staying at Daniel’s more and more. His apartment was too small. As Jack laid him down he thought about the fact he knew what was going through Daniel’s mind. Jack hadn’t been around much the past few weeks. Daniel was only dressed in a nice shirt, undershirt, boxers and jeans. Jack stripped him down to the boxers and undershirt before covering him up. He laid a piece of paper down with the glasses Jack had taken from Daniel’s face. Jack then went to clean up the kitchen and blow out all the candles. When he was done he also stripped down to his t-shirt and boxers before lying down. Daniel automatically settled at his side and Jack fell asleep.

Daniel woke up trying to remember where he was. The dull headache he had was not helping him much. Then he saw Jack. Daniel raised his head up to look at Jack. Jack was curled up on his body. His head on Daniel’s shoulder, an arm thrown over his stomach, and a leg tangled with his own. He looked for his glasses and found them along with a note.


I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you I promise. We finally got the break through we needed and not a moment too soon. Time slipped away last night and I totally forgot. I know you understand. But I shouldn’t have done it. I’m also sorry that I haven’t been around a lot the last few weeks. I have a surprise planned. I guess I should tell you now. It’s a two-week vacation on a boat sailing around Australia.” The note said. Jack was watching Daniel’s reaction to the note. When Daniel had started moving, he had woken up. He had wanted Daniel to finish reading before he started talking. He thought Daniel would be mad. Even though he had planned a nice trip. He wasn’t ready for the tear filled eyes looking down at him. Nor the passionate kiss Daniel gave him. Jack’s mind went blank as Daniel threw the covers off them. Jack spread his legs so that Daniel could settle between them.

“Danny, I am so sorry.” Jack said pushing Daniel’s face away from his so he could look into Daniel’s blue eyes.

“I know, Jack.” Daniel said. He smiled when Jack lifted up so they were both sitting. Jack on the bed and Daniel in his lap. Jack lifted Daniel’s shirt up and off. Jack leaned forward and licked one of Daniel’s nipples. Daniel tipped his head back and moaned. Jack traced a hand down Daniel’s stomach and closed his hand around Daniel’s cock. Daniel grabbed his hand and pulled it away. “No. Not that way. I want you to come inside me.”

“Danny…” Jack started only to have Daniel cut him off by covering Jack’s mouth with his hand.

“I’ve been thinking about this for months. I’ve read about it. You seem to enjoy it.” Daniel said before kissing Jack. Jack put an arm around Daniel’s waist then he rolled them so Daniel was underneath him. “But I want it like this. Face to face. I know it’s a little harder for the first time. But I want it like this.”

“Okay.” Jack said. He pulled Daniel’s boxers off then stripped off his own clothes. He grabbed the lube from Daniel’s nightstand and lay down on Daniel again. He had lubed up one hand before he started kissing Daniel again. His unlubed hand was playing with Daniel’s nipples so that he would be distracted. He took his lubed hand and trailed a finger down Daniel’s stomach and through his groin and down to Daniel’s opening. When Jack rubbed his finger against it, Daniel thrust down and gasped around Jack’s tongue in his mouth. Jack slipped a finger in halfway before Daniel’s muscles clamped down and stopped him. “Relax, Love.”

“Trying.” Daniel said. Jack felt the muscles give and he slipped the finger in all the way. Jack rubbed the finger in and out until Daniel’s passage was loose enough for two. The second went in no problem. Jack started scissoring the fingers to work the passage even more. When Daniel started thrusting down on Jack’s fingers, Jack started moving his fingers around looking for something. He found it and Daniel almost screamed. “Prostate?”

“Yep. Now I’m putting in three.” Jack said. The third finger had a little resistance but soon Daniel was ready for Jack’s cock. Jack pulled out his fingers and Daniel mewled at the loss. “You’ll like this better. Just stay relaxed.”

“I’ll try.” Daniel said as Jack lifted his hips to place his thighs over Jack’s thighs. Jack placed his cock as Daniel’s entrance and slowly pushed in. Jack rubbed Daniel’s belly soothingly. A few times Daniel clenched the muscles of his ass and Jack stopped until they relaxed again. After a few minutes Jack was fully in Daniel. He was breathing hard while lying on Daniel. His mouth next to Daniel’s ear, he could hear Daniel’s harsh breaths. He was giving Daniel time to adjust.

“How’s it feel?” Jack asked. Daniel’s body was tense and Jack needed him to not be. Daniel could do talking. Talking calmed him down. It would also help calm Jack down. Daniel was tight and hot and Jack wanted to stay there forever.

“Burned a little. Not really any pain. You loosened me up nicely.” Daniel said. He was stroking Jack’s sweat covered back. Jack pulled himself up to his forearms so he could look Daniel in the eye. “Right now? Just kinda full, but nice. And I really, really wish you would move.” Daniel said slapping Jack’s ass to get Jack moving. Jack kissed Daniel as he slowly pulled out. As he pushed back in Daniel shifted his hips and wrapped his legs around Jack’s back. The shift caused Jack to hit Daniel’s prostate on every thrust. Jack kept the contact between their mouths he slowly moved in and out. Daniel timed the thrusts of his tongue to match Jack thrusting in him. He felt Daniel’s moans more than heard since the noise was drowned out. Jack broke the kiss to look at Daniel. When Jack’s lips had left his own Daniel had thrown his head back in pleasure. He moved his head to look at Jack and they locked eyes. Jack snaked a hand behind Daniel’s head to bring it up so he could kiss Daniel. Daniel braced his hand on Jack’s upper arm and other he put around Jack’s body to rest on his ass. He used it to pull Jack back into him a little faster and harder. Jack needed to breathe so he started sucking Daniel’s collarbone.

“Jack, oh, God! I’m going to come.” Daniel said before he smashed Jack’s mouth back on his. Jack reached a hand down to stroke Daniel’s cock. In a few strokes Daniel was coming. The clenching of Daniel’s ass muscles around his cock made Jack come as well. Jack muffled his cries of pleasure in Daniel’s mouth.

When Jack had finally got his breathing under control he lifted up off of Daniel. Jack recognized instantly that Daniel was asleep. Jack looked at the clock. It was only three in the morning. Daniel reached, in his sleep, to pull Jack back down on top of him. Jack smiled but settled on Daniel in a position that wouldn’t have Daniel hurting in the morning. Then Jack found the covers and pulled them up. He used tissues to clean them both up then went to sleep himself.

Jack woke up to the feeling of someone rubbing his back. Jack was lying on his stomach in Daniel’s bed. And Daniel was currently rubbing Jack’s back in a soothing manner. Jack also noticed that Daniel was fully dressed in jeans and a sweater. His hair was still wet from a shower and Jack could smell food. And coffee. Daniel always put coffee on in the morning.

“Morning.” Jack said. Daniel smiled, leaned down and kissed Jack. Jack could taste coffee in the kiss and laughed. Daniel cocked an eyebrow at him. “Coffee. You taste like coffee.”

“And this is different than before because?” Daniel asked as he sat up to let Jack sit up.

“Because you weren’t supposed to be awake before me. How are you feeling this morning?” Jack asked as he ran a hand down Daniel’s back and settled it on Daniel’s ass. Daniel smiled.

“Fine. It’s a little sore so I won’t be sitting on anything hard today.” Daniel said.

“Did I hurt you?” Jack asked a frown on his face. He had never wanted to hurt Daniel. Never.

“No. Jack. I checked. No blood. It was perfect. I just wish it could have went like I planned.” Daniel said. Jack put a hand on Daniel’s cheek and rubbed. “Don’t apologize. I’ve forgotten things when I get caught up in work. I’m not mad.”

“Then what could have made this better?” Jack asked while frowning. Trying to think about what Daniel meant. Everything had been pretty perfect in his eyes. He couldn’t think of anything that could have made it better.

“You knowing something before you made love to me.” Daniel said. Jack’s frown deepened. Daniel leaned over so his mouth was next to Jack’s ear. “Knowing that I love you, Jack O’Neill.”

September 1992

“Danny?” Jack called as he entered Daniel’s loft. Jack looked at the mess the loft was. He had never seen it like that. Daniel usually kept everything neat and tidy. Jack looked in the kitchen to find it spotless, like Daniel hadn’t even set foot in there, but the trashcan was full. The bathroom had towels everywhere from the showers Daniel had taken. The living room was covered in wadded up papers, pens, pencils, and books. And the bedroom had clothes and blankets everywhere. Jack didn’t even know if Daniel was home. He hadn’t been able to get a hold of Daniel for a week. And he was worried.

Jack was about to leave when he saw the lump of blankets and clothes on the bed move. All the worry Jack had, over the last week, left quickly at the sight of Daniel’s face peaking out from under the blankets when they moved. But he frowned when he saw an unshaven face as well. Daniel hated hair on his face. Jack started picking up all the clothes and put them in the bin to be washed and was about to wake Daniel up when he really looked at the younger man. Daniel had bags under his eyes from very little sleep. Jack stripped off his shirt so he could lay down on the bed with Daniel. Daniel spooned up behind him.

“Jack.” Daniel sighed in his sleep. He felt the smile curve on Daniel’s face in his back. Jack smiled and locked his hand with the one Daniel had thrown over his middle. Jack wasn’t tired but he enjoyed lying with Daniel, so he just lay there trying not to think of the reasons the apartment and Daniel were in the shape they were. Two hours later, Daniel started to move. He has long since stopped tensing when he woke up with Jack in his bed. “Jack? When did you get here?” Daniel asked as he sat up in bed. His short hair mussed and his shirt rumpled. He started looking for his glasses. Which Jack found and put on his face.

“Two hours ago. I was worried.” Jack said as he watched Daniel dress. Jack put his shirt back on.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been busy. I tried calling you. I couldn’t get an answer.” Daniel said. He went to put coffee on. Jack saw the stiffness in Daniel’s back and knew he had fallen asleep in strange places and not his bed most of the time when he did go to sleep.

“It’s seven o’clock at night. You were sleeping like the dead. What’s wrong?” Jack asked cornering Daniel in the kitchen. Daniel wouldn’t look him in the eye. He knew what that meant. Daniel was embarrassed and ashamed. The anger that had started to take root in Jack’s mind left quickly at the sight. But it was still there ready to strike.

“I’ve been working hard for school. My sleep’s off is all.” Daniel said not looking at Jack. His gaze was on a point on the wall behind Jack. Jack knew it was at least a partial lie. He wasn’t outright lying but he was trying to hide the truth from Jack. And that hurt.

“Your loft is a mess. I’ve never seen it like this, Daniel. We’ve been together for two years. Don’t start lying to me now.” Jack said. Daniel bowed his head again. He wrapped his arms around himself and squeezed. Jack stepped forward and hugged Daniel. “I can’t help if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“There’s nothing wrong.” Daniel said stepping out of Jack’s embrace. Jack saw the coldness creeping into Daniel’s eyes and his voice. He’d seen it before. When people talked about his parents to him. “You never ask about my classes. Yes, you ask about what my day was like. But never about which certain ones I am taking. So I never talked about it. I didn’t think you cared or wanted to know. I’ve been making myself work. As fast and as hard as I can. Trying to get it done as soon as possible. I was writing a paper for the magazine. The only one I will ever write. They asked so I did it. I’ve finished it. Sent it off where it needs to go. For a while now I haven’t really been taking classes, per se. I’ve been working on my doctorate.” Daniel said. Jack was taken back. He also stepped back. He couldn’t understand why Daniel hadn’t told him. He didn’t understand why Daniel had lied to him. And that made him angry. His rational mind was trying to calm him down but he wasn’t listening.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jack asked. A harsh tone to his voice. The tone of his voice and quickness it was delivered with made Daniel look up. He stared Jack in the eye for a minute before talking.

“Because it didn’t matter. It was just something I did. To honor my birth parents, to do something and honor their memory and what they taught me before they died. Yes, I love languages. But I could do what I want with them without the degree. I didn’t expect praise nor do I need it. I don’t need a big party to tell me that I became Dr. Daniel Jackson. I don’t need presents to tell me that I did well. And I don’t need your pity, Jack.” Daniel said.

“Pity? Who said I was going to give you pity? And why would I give you pity. I’ve never given you pity. You got your PhD. You don’t need pity.” Jack said. Anger making him step into Daniel’s personal space. Daniel stepped back and into the counter behind him. It didn’t even register that Daniel had gotten the PhD and he should be happy.

“It’s in your eyes when I talk about my parents. It’s in everyone’s. I don’t care about the PhD. Mom always told me I’d be ‘Dr. Daniel Jackson’ one day. I didn’t want to go into Anthropology and Archeology like my dad so the least I could do was get a PhD in linguistics.” Daniel said. He knew Jack was mad. In the back of his mind he always knew that Jack would be mad. But he never listened to that part. He always pushed it away. Thinking Jack wouldn’t care enough.

“You still should have told me. Daniel, I am in love with you. I want to know what’s going on in your life. I thought that since you loved me you would tell me everything.” Jack said. Daniel could hear the hurt in his voice but he didn’t care. He needed Jack to understand.

“Why? So that if I failed. If I didn’t get it, you would have pitied me even more. I couldn’t stand that Jack. I get enough on a day-to-day basis. My parents were famous. When anyone hears my name in the archeology or linguistics field the first question they ask is if Claire and Melburn were my parents. Then they get sad. And they pity me. ‘Poor Daniel Jackson, he lost his parents.’ I’m sick of it. I hate it. That’s why I want to be a writer. My name won’t be put up there beside my parents. I can be my own person. I won’t get special treatment because of whom they were. I will get everything on my own merits.” Daniel said. He was trying to squash the tears that were threatening to fall. But he knew he couldn’t. Everything over the past week, since he had got the paper about his PhD, was finally catching up to him. All the pain of his parent’s death was coming back.

Jack looked at Daniel for a few minutes. His anger truly fading this time and understanding taking root in his mind. He had never really thought about that. He never thought that Daniel could hate his parents. He didn’t hate that they died. Daniel knew he couldn’t control that anymore than they could. But he could hate them, a little. For reasons even they couldn’t control. But in a way he did. Because they left him with a legacy he didn’t want. Jack sighed and pulled Daniel to him in a hug. Daniel’s shoulders slumped and Jack felt moisture on his shoulder. The tears were silent. Jack had never seen Daniel truly cry. He hadn’t thought about it.

“Shh.” Jack said as he felt Daniel’s knees buckle. Jack gently lowered Daniel to the floor. He held Daniel and rocked him while the silent tears flowed from Daniel. He pushed what had happened out of his mind. After a while Jack thought Daniel was asleep until he heard a tummy growl and Daniel giggle. “Giggle? You giggled?”

“Yeah.” Daniel said. But he didn’t pull back from Jack. He just lay there. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you away. I should have told you. I’m slowly getting used to having another person in my life to care about. I’ve been alone so long.”

“I know. I know. But I am going to get you a present.” Jack said. Daniel pulled to glare at Jack. Jack covered his mouth so he couldn’t talk. “Ahh. Listen to me. It’s going to be something for both of us. This month is our second anniversary. So I was thinking. You are getting sick of running around in my truck. Why don’t we get a car? We’ll put it in your name. You need one, Danny.”

“I guess so.” Daniel said standing up. He looked in his cupboards for food. And found nothing that looked appetizing. He turned to look at Jack. “Take me out for food?”

“Yeasureyoubetcha. Tomorrow we look for a car.” Jack said digging his keys out of his pocket and grabbing Daniel’s hand.

October 1996

“Come on, Danny. Please?” Jack pleaded as he followed Daniel around the loft. Daniel was cleaning up the loft. Once Daniel was done cleaning in the living room Jack pounced. He pushed Daniel under him on the couch. Jack had made sure that when they went down that Daniel’s long legs were between him. So that Daniel couldn’t kick him off.

“Jack!” Daniel screamed as Jack started tickling him. Daniel tried his best to deflect the hands but couldn’t. In a few minutes Daniel was a mass of wriggling appendages and was laughing. Jack stopped and kissed the tears, from laughing, away before kissing Daniel. Daniel immediately opened his mouth to let Jack’s tongue in. He sucked on it before Jack pulled back. Daniel was breathing heavy. “Jack! Come back here.”

“No.” Jack said. He took hold of Daniel’s hands and held them above his head. Jack saw the uneasy look Daniel gave him and leaned down to kiss him. “Not until I can read your book.”

“No, Jack.” Daniel said. He didn’t want Jack to read it. Not unless a publisher agreed to print it. Jack kissed Daniel again. And when Daniel opened his mouth, Jack pulled back and trailed kisses down Daniel’s throat. “Jack, let me go.”

“Why?” Jack asked as licked Daniel’s collarbone.

“So I can touch.” Daniel said a whine to his voice. Jack pulled back up so that only their hands and legs were touching. He looked at Daniel with a grin and it clicked in Daniel’s mind. “You’re going to with hold sex from me till I let you read my book.”

“Maybe.” Jack said. Daniel started thinking about why he wasn’t letting Jack read the book. And it always came back to his mind protecting him.

“Jack, I went from puberty, which was age twelve for me, till age eighteen with sex that didn’t involve my right hand. I think I will be able to outlast you.” Daniel said. Jack sighed and released Daniel’s hands. Though he had been joking he thought that Daniel would get what he really meant. He dropped his head onto Daniel’s shoulder. Daniel wrapped his arms around Jack and held him. Jack didn’t relax into the hug but he didn’t jump out of it either. Daniel finally told his mind to take a hike. “Minds are a funny thing. Sometimes they don’t listen to hearts.”

“Danny?” Jack asked not understanding. He lifted his head up to look at his lover.

“I don’t think I have all of old habits broken. Six years and my mind still thinks you are going to hurt me. There’s a copy in my safe.” Daniel said. Jack smiled and relaxed on top of Daniel with his head on Daniel’s shoulder. Daniel let Jack relax like that for a while before flipping them over. Jack landed underneath him on the floor. Jack wasn’t expecting this and started when Daniel landed on top of him. Daniel smiled and kissed him. “I learn things.”

“Yeah, you do.” Jack said. He tried to sit up but Daniel wasn’t letting him. “Some things may not be good for your health.”

“Oh, really?” Daniel asked as he rubbed his half hard cock against Jack’s. Jack tipped his head back and moaned. Daniel leaned down to nip at Jack’s neck. He pulled back enough to look at the mark before licking it to soothe any pain. Jack used one hand to pull Daniel’s face to his so they could kiss. The other he used to keep Daniel’s groin in contact with his. They both timed the thrusting of their tongues to match that of their groins and in a few minutes both men had climaxed. Daniel collapsed atop Jack and relaxed, waiting for the tremors in his body to stop. When his wet underwear started to bug him he sat up. “Six years and we still haven’t learned how to take out clothes off.”

“More fun this way. Then we have to shower.” Jack said and he slipped from under Daniel to stand. He then pulled Daniel with him.

“And we just have sex in the shower.” Daniel said.

“And this is the part that makes it more fun.” Jack said. Daniel smiled and let Jack pull him into the shower. Forty minutes later they both exited the shower. Daniel looked at the clock.

“It’s after two. You kept me distracted long enough that I forgot about lunch.” Daniel said slapping Jack on the chest.

“Hey, it’s your first day off in a week. I wanted to play. You spend all day in that library. Plus eating two hours late won’t hurt.” Jack said as Daniel went to the kitchen. Jack started to follow him but diverted to the phone stand when the phone rang. “Jackson residence.”

“Hello? Is Daniel Jackson there?” A female voice asked.

“Who’s asking?” Jack asked. He heard the lady sigh and smiled.

“This is Kirsten Smith from Harding Publishing.” The lady said.

“Hold on.” Jack said. He took the cordless phone to Daniel. He tapped Daniel’s shoulder. “Someone from Harding Publishing.”

“Thanks.” Daniel said he took the phone and went to his study. He shut the door and Jack sighed. He finished making the sandwiches and when he saw the light on the base of the phone go off and Daniel didn’t come running out Jack knew what the news had been. Jack sighed. He had been hoping to tell Daniel about his mission later that week. But he didn’t think this was the time. Daniel exited the study a few minutes later. His eyes sad but other than that he looked good, like nothing had happened. He handed Jack a stack of papers. Jack knew it was Daniel’s book.

“Hey.” Jack said. Daniel looked up at him.

“It’s just one. I sent it to a lot of others. I’m fine, Jack.” Daniel said. Jack nodded. He pulled Daniel into a hug and just held him for while. Daniel just held onto him. Daniel was silent, for the most part, the rest of the evening. Jack just held him. Not knowing what he could do. That night when they went to bed Jack told Daniel about the mission.

“It’s just a week. In out and no prob.” Jack said.

“You’re not supposed to go on missions.” Daniel said as he turned over in Jack’s hold. Jack nodded.

“I know. But this needs to be done now and I’m the only person who can do it. Don’t worry, Love. I’ll be fine. I’ll be back and in your hair before you know it.” Jack said. Daniel just kissed Jack and went to sleep. Jack spent the next few days reading Daniel’s book.

Three days later Daniel watched Jack board the plane that would take him to a base in Florida where he and his team would leave from to go to Iraq. Since there were military men all around their goodbyes were short. Jack shot Daniel a knowing look as he entered the plane.

Daniel started writing his newest idea for a book at night when he got home from work so that he wouldn’t miss Jack as much. At the end of the week he was ready to see Jack again. He woke up that morning to here someone knocking at his door. He knew it wasn’t Jack since Jack had a key and would let himself into the apartment. He dressed and opened the door. It was Jack’s friend Harry from work.

“Harry? What are you doing here? Jack’s not here.” Daniel said. Harry was the only person who knew about them at Jack’s work. He saw the haunted look in Harry’s eyes and knew. He backed up into the house and hit a wall and slid down it.

“Daniel, we got the call this morning from Jack’s father. A troop found blood everywhere. Everyone in his unit was killed. Jack’s pack had seven bullet holes in it. One would have been through the heart.” Harry said. He turned and shut the door to the loft then helped Daniel to his couch. Daniel was catatonic. He hadn’t moved on his own nor had he spoke, and he didn’t for hours. Harry had to go into work, so went upstairs and found Mr. Hammond, to sit with Daniel. That night around midnight George moved to the living room from the kitchen where he had made coffee to find Daniel holding a picture of him and Jack. Hammond didn’t hear any sobs but he knew that Daniel was crying. George sat down beside him and held him till Daniel was asleep. George covered the boy up moved to the guest room to sleep.

When George woke up the next morning he found Daniel typing on his computer. When George asked if he was hungry Daniel didn’t answer. But he did drink the cup of coffee that George handed him and he ate the plate of food that he put next to him. But he never looked up or said anything. George took care of Daniel for the next few weeks, which included giving Daniel pills to make him sleep. And convincing him to see a shrink, which took some doing.

Daniel came home four weeks after Jack’s death to find a message waiting for him from a Sam Carter representing Echo Books. He almost didn’t call her back. But later that day when he was looking through his desk, he found a note from Jack.


If you found this. Then well I’m not with you anymore. I’m sorry that I have left you. But I want you to do one thing for me. I want you to publish your books. I want you to take that trip to Egypt we planned. And I want you to be happy. I gave you six years of happiness, Danny. And I don’t want you to regret a moment of them. I’ll be looking out for you wherever I am.


Daniel picked up his phone and called the number Sam had given him to call her back. He could call her back for Jack.

The End

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