Fandom: Criminal Minds,
Year: Season 7 (2011)
Category: Asexuality, Panromantic, Pre-Slash,
Pairings: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid,
Spoilers: Up through season 7
Summary: It was a side to Spencer Reid that Aaron had never seen before. Now that he saw it, he wasn’t sure how he had missed it.
Notes: Let’s say this is before Beth ever entered anyone’s minds. I did research for this. Most of what I did I got from here: http://www.asexualityarchive.com/
Everything was going fine. Movie night with Jack was wonderful. Ice cream, popcorn, and pizza everything was great. Jack enjoyed the magic tricks that Spencer did for him and even taught him a few. Jack went to bed and it was just the two of them cleaning up. Aaron was used to keeping his feelings for Spencer in check. He’d done it for a long time. He was pretty sure that he was the only one who knew he was in love with Spencer.
Watching Spencer put up the dishes, stretching to put up the ice cream boats he’s brought for sundaes long ago, Aaron couldn’t help it when he reached out and ran his fingers over the skin revealed between where pants started and the shirt ended. Spencer spun and looked at him with wide eyes and that was all it took. All his careful planning out the window due to a small stretch of flesh.
Aaron pressed his lips against Spencer’s and pushed the younger man into the counter. When Spencer didn’t push him away, Aaron deepened the kiss. He let his hands trail down Spencer’s sides to pull the younger man into him. Aaron groaned as the pressure of Spencer’s body made him hard. There was a hesitance to the tangle of tongues but the younger man didn’t try and stop him.
All of his fantasies were cascading over his mind and he didn’t want to let the younger man go. Spencer’s hands were on his shoulders, not moving from those spots but he didn’t care. Letting one of his hands drift from hip to inside the back of Spencer’s pants to touch warm flesh, Aaron trailed his lips down Spencer’s jaw onto his neck. More pressure and Aaron stopped.
Spencer wasn’t hard. He wasn’t even half hard.
“Reid? Spencer?” Aaron asked as he pulled away from the younger man. Spencer was looking at him with confusion on his face. Spencer wasn’t letting go of his shoulders, keeping him close. That was good but he didn’t understand why Spencer wasn’t reacting.
“Hotch, what’s wrong?” Spencer leaned close to kiss him again but Aaron stayed back. The confusion deepened on Spencer’s face. He dropped his hands from Aaron’s shoulder and wrapped them around his middle. He looked like he wanted to bolt. “Did I do something wrong?”
“You…” Aaron stopped and looked down. Spencer followed his eyes and then his own eyes went wide. He reached out and cupped the side of Aaron’s face, pulling him close for another kiss. It was a soft, sensual kiss. Aaron found he liked it better than the others they had already done.
“I thought you knew,” Spencer was smiling.
“Knew what?” Aaron asked as he looked into Spencer’s eyes again. His eyes were soft but wary.
“Why don’t we go sit in the living room. Do you want something to drink? I would like to get a cup of coffee.”
Aaron just nodded. He left Spencer in the kitchen and moved to the living room. Taking the chair and leaving the couch open for Spencer. He heard the fridge door open and close. A minute later the genius was sitting down on the edge of the couch, handing him a glass of tea before taking a sip of his own coffee.
“I…” Spencer stopped and took another sip of his coffee. “I liked the kissing. Don’t take that for a show that I didn’t. I just don’t equate kissing with something arousing. I like kissing. I like touching.” Spencer set down his mug. “I’m going to say some words and I want you to tell me what you know. All in regards to sexuality and/or relationships.”
“The attraction towards someone where you want to be in a relationship with them.”
Aaron cocked an eyebrow at that but he mentally shrugged. “The attraction to someone where you want to do sexual things with them.” He hoped that the genius didn’t want more than that. He wasn’t going farther into the sexual things.
“The attraction to someone where you want to do sensual things with them.”
“Like?” Spencer was smiling. Aaron was happy that whatever he was saying was making Spencer happy but he was getting more and more confused.
“Kissing, touching, cuddling.”
Aaron stopped himself from opening his mouth as he just looked at Spencer. He knew the answer to the question, he’d just never applied that term to Spencer. It fit though. When he was on a case, he was all clinical about sex but when they were out at bars and such, hanging after a case he was fine with dancing but when it seemed that it was getting too personal, he’d disengage. Morgan had taken it for virginal behavior but Aaron never had, he just hadn’t put a name to it. Asexual fit more than anything else he’d ever used as a label for the young man and he wasn’t sure how every single member of the team missed it.
“A continued lack of sexual attraction to anyone.”
“You used the word sexual to describe attraction in regards to asexual. Why?”
“Because asexuals can be romantically and sensually attracted to someone without wanting to have sex with them.” Aaron watched as Spencer nodded and his smile got even bigger. “Where do you fall on the spectrum?”
“Romantic but I like sensual things. I really like sensual things but I want a relationship out of it. I…Gideon knew. I just assumed that he’d told you.”
“Gideon didn’t share things like that with me. It wasn’t something that I needed to know outside of maybe if it came to be of importance on a case but he’d expect you to step up and tell me yourself. Bi?” Spencer was obviously attracted to him, he wasn’t sure on the female side of things.
“Pan. I am more attracted to the mind than the gender. I know that these little nights you’ve invited me to have been dates. I just figured you were working out whether you could be in a relationship with me. Without putting a label on it for pressure.”
“Please don’t take this as anything other than me wanting to know, I’m not trying…”
Spencer held up a hand to stop him. “I’ve had sex, Hotch. With guys, with girls, my own hand. I know you. I know how your mind works. You weren’t asking if I’ve had sex to figure out if it was just a bad partner that made me not want to have it or that I’ve not had it so I can’t be asexual. We’ve all done the research. Just ask and I’ll answer.”
Aaron nodded but he couldn’t form words. Spencer was correct. Other than other asexuals, psychologists, and psychiatrists, the members of the BAU were probably the most knowledgable. But reading about asexuals and talking to one were different. There were so many questions he had but a great deal of them were personal. There was one burning question though that he really wanted to know the answer to.
“You’ve had sex. You didn’t say whether you were okay with sex.”
“I’m fine doing sexual things with a partner I’ve been with a while and have a strong romantic relationship with but the orgasm is the only thing I like. I can get lost a little in making sure that I am doing what I need to, to make my partner happy. The first time I had sex was with a woman. It was the day I hit the age of consent and she was a really good friend but I just…I felt like I would rather be anywhere but there. It was rather humiliating to me but I wanted to finish what I’d started. I’d long held that I was asexual and my friend knew it, we just…I’d rather my first time be with her and I’d known her since I started college there. As to sex with a man, I’ve topped and I’ve bottomed but I don’t prefer to top as I just go through the motions.”
Aaron nodded. That was a lot to take in. He knew the statistics on asexual and non asexual relationships making it. Was it worth it to try and deal with the consequences if it failed? He looked at the clock. It was after nine but unless a case came up, there was no work until Monday. There was no time rush on their discussion.
Spencer stood up, draining his coffee. Aaron watch him move into the kitchen. He expected the younger man to refill it but he was washing it instead. Aaron was afraid that if he let him leave now, he’d never get up the courage to try.
Before Spencer was done, Aaron stepped up behind him and took a hold of his hands. The genius said he liked touching so Aaron was taking him at his word. They had known each other a long time and he’d never minded the touch before.
“I want to try, Spencer.”
“You know the statistics as well as I do. I thought you had known for years, not minutes, Hotch.” Spencer’s voice was soft and full of fear.
“I’d rather try and fail than to have never tried at all.” Aaron leaned even closer and kissed the side of Spencer’s neck. He let go of his hands and wrapped his arms about the younger man. The way that he relaxed back into Aaron’s hold told him that Spencer didn’t want to be let go of. “These little dates haven’t only been to spend time with you. It’s to get Jack used to you and you used to him. I want this. I want you in my life. I don’t see this as any different than if you told me that you don’t like anal. It’s not like I am going to demand sex from you.”
Aaron took a small step back and turned Spencer around in his arms. He forced the genius to look him in the eye. “We adjust and we compromise. Just like any other relationship. I love who you are. Yeah, I see more of you now but it doesn’t change that I love you.”
Spencer’s eyes widened at the confession. He reached up a hand to cup the side of Aaron’s face. When the kiss was offered by a stretch of his face closer, Aaron took it. The genius’s free arm snaked around his waist and pulled their bodies into full contact. He couldn’t help but get hard with Spencer’s body pressed against his. Spencer had to feel and Aaron tried to lessen contact but the arm around his waist kept him where he was.
“You can touch, Aaron,” Spencer said after he pulled out of the kiss. “I’ve never been freaked out by a touch.”
“What do you want right now?”
“I don’t want to go home.” Spencer leaned down and kissed the side of Aaron’s neck, right at the edge of the collar of his polo.
“Is that it?” Aaron nudged the younger man’s face away from his neck and kissed him again. Kissing, he could get used to kissing him. He finally started touching back. A hand buried in Spencer’s hair, the other going to the small of his back. He remembered how warm his ass had been before and was tempted to slide his hand lower but he kept it up.
“I enjoy masturbation.” Spencer let go of Aaron’s face and his hand moved up to grab the one in his hair. “Friction is friction. Whether it’s your hand or mine.” Before Aaron could do a thing, Spencer had his hand on his groin and he could feel that the genius was getting hard. “I can’t promise that I’ll be able to maintain with you but we can try.”
“No.” Aaron pulled his hands up and cupped Spencer’s face. “It’s not that I don’t want to but let’s just take our time. You don’t need to rush into sex with me just to make me happy. I’m content holding and kissing you.”
“Are you sure?”
“Never been more sure. I’ll lock up while you change. I think that pair of pyjamas you wore a few months ago are still in the bottom drawer. I kept forgetting to drop them off to you.”
“Subconscious,” Spencer muttered and Aaron couldn’t help the light smack he made on Spencer’s hip after he let go of his face.
“No lip from you.” Aaron placed a kiss on the tip of his nose. “Do you want to shower? I did when I got home.”
“I showered at home as well. I’ll just head up and get changed?” Spencer let go of him and he let go of the younger man. When he nodded, Spencer went right towards the master bedroom. It didn’t take long for him to make sure the apartment was locked up and the alarm set. He didn’t know what to expect when he entered his bedroom but he really shouldn’t have been surprised to find Spencer sitting crosslegged on the bed with a book in hand. He tried to think if Spencer had carried it with him but then the genius turned a page and he saw that it was one of his own. In fact it was one of his spy novels from the bookshelf on the far side of the room. Aaron decided to grab his things and moved to the ensuite before he changed his mind on what they were going to do.
When he exited the bathroom, he found that Spencer was nearly done with the book. He waited, watching the steady turning of the pages with the same awe he did the first time he’d seen it. When the last page was turned, Aaron sat down beside him on the bed as he closed the book.
“I don’t read much fiction that is newer than a hundred years old. You have a big selection of spy novels.”
“I’d love to talk to you about them.” Aaron took the book from his hands and leaned over to kiss his cheek before he stood to put the book back.
“Inaccuracies and all?” Spencer was smirking when Aaron turned to look at him. Aaron just waved at him to lay down. Sharing a bed wasn’t all that strange. Cases in smaller towns sometimes meant bed and breakfast like places where it was single beds. The only difference was that he’d be allowed to touch, finally.
Getting settled into the bed was a lot less awkward than Aaron thought it would be. Spencer fit in his arms and along his body like they were made for each other. His arm lay across the younger man’s stomach and their hands were intertwined. He could live with this because Spencer made his life worth living in the moments they shared.