Title: All He Wanted
Fandom: Criminal Minds,
Year: Season 7
Category: MTF Trans, Trans!Spencer,
Pairings: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid,
Spoilers: Up Through Season 7
Summary: Spencer was happy for the first time in her life. She was accepted for who she was. Could she dare to hope for more?
There were times in Spencer Reid’s life where she had to make decisions and many of them too quick to think it all through. She had to go with her gut and hope that what she did was right. She was staring down the UnSub with a shiner forming on her face, her lip split, her gun across the room, and no back up to speak of. The UnSub had his hand wrapped around the neck of the newest victim, Gabriel. The rest of the team was cut off from her. She was trapped in the room with an unstable UnSub.
Gabby. Who like Spencer was born in the wrong body. Gabby who was just sixteen years old.
“Michael, you don’t want to hurt her.”
“It’s not a she! It’s a he and he’s damaged. I have to save him. Now, come over here and lay down. All he has to do is fuck you and he’ll be fine.”
“That’s not going to fix her. There is nothing to fix,” Spencer begged but started to move over towards the bed. She could see the blood from the last victims. All of them had been females transitioning to men. He’d raped them to try and fix them. This was the first time he’d taken a male transitioning into a female. It made sense that the UnSub had fixated on Spencer, she was the seemingly weakest person on the team but she was there for her mind, not her body. “All you are going to do is mess up two lives. It’s rape. She’ll violate me. I’m innocent.”
“No, you are trying to stop me. Your team will stop hunting me when they find your dead body. They’ll figure out that I beat them.”
Spencer could see that there was no talking him down. He was delusional.
“Now, I’ve already given Gabriel pills to give him an erection. Start stripping or I’ll do it for you. You are a bit thinner than I like but I’d take the first crack at you. Show him how to be a man.”
Spencer pulled the sweater off first, anything that would give the team time to get to her and Gabby. She could stall. She’d stalled before. She had a tank top underneath her sweater, never more thankful that she wore layers. Under that was a bright green sports bra. It’s all she’d ever needed or worn. She tried to talk him down more while she stripped. Being naked in front of him wasn’t going to freak her out. She’s been naked in front of too many people in her life. Next were her shoes and socks, one bright green to match her bra and the other deep purple that matched her underwear. She was working on the button of her pants when Gabby couldn’t take it anymore and fought against the UnSub.
The UnSub wasn’t prepared for it and the teen ran behind Spencer as soon as she was free. Now there was a gun aimed at them. Her gun was just feet away. If she played it right she would get to it. She held both of her hands up and the UnSub’s gaze was drawn to her bra. Three pieces of clothes were between her and nakedness.
“Quit protecting him,” the UnSub said as he took a step forward. Spencer braced for the slap she knew was coming. She overreacted to it and taking Gabby down with her, she grabbed her gun. “Why do you care so much for him? He’s scum. He’s a piece of trash.”
“Because I was born a male. I had my first surgery when I turned eighteen years old. I’d lived as a boy for the first twelve years of my life. When I went to college, I lived as a female. Drop your gun and throw the knife away.”
The UnSub hesitated as he curled his finger around the trigger of his gun. He squeezed it but didn’t pull all the way. It was all the opening that Spencer needed. She took aim and put a bullet in his brain. Gabby was sobbing at her back and it was only when she turned to comfort her that she realized that her comm was still active and that Hotch was standing in the doorway. His face white with horror. Spencer turned away from him and tried to comfort Gabby. The teen moved around the room to pick up the clothes that Spencer had shed and then took the time to help her get back into them. She let the teen do what she wanted. It was calming to her and helped keep her from freaking out.
Spencer was braced for it but Hotch was silent as she and Gabby moved towards the door. The warehouse was empty sounding as all Spencer can hear was the rush of her own words she’d said to the UnSub. Something that she’d never admitted to anyone since her last surgery. The EMTs wanted to take her and Gabby back to the ER for exams. Gabby freaked out as the doors were shut with Spencer on the other side so Spencer climbed inside and settled down on the bench, holding the teen’s hand.
It was hours later, Gabby’s parents had already come and taken her home. Spencer was waiting on the results from her MRI and X-Ray when the team finally entered her room. Rossi had taken her report the second she’d been settled into a room. His only remark was the fact that she could always put a bullet in the UnSub in the place needed the most but couldn’t get a bullet in a paper target on a firing range. There was nothing mentioned about what had been heard over the comms. The case was wrapped up tight and neat and she was stuck in an ER exam room wearing nothing but her sports bra, underwear, and a horrible hospital gown. Her sweater, tank top, and pants had been taken for processing as there was blood on them. Rossi had promised her a new set of clothes from her go bag before he left the hospital.
“The level of the sophistication of the warehouse that the UnSub had retrofitted was beyond what we profiled,” Prentiss said as she sat down on the bed beside Spencer. JJ took the other side, exactly like she always did. Rossi, Morgan, and Hotch were scattered on the edges. In her sight but far enough away not to seem threatening. It was exactly like it had been after Georgia. Except Rossi was more hands off than Gideon but more caring at the same time. “It took us ten minutes to bust down that door. And another five for each after.”
“Given the age of things that were his, I’d say the UnSub bought the warehouse as is. The locks were mechanical but not new. In fact most of the technology in the warehouse was at least ten years old. Our records stated it was bought five years ago.”
“How’s Gabby going to be?” JJ asked.
“If her parents do well and get her the psychological help to get over the kidnapping and attempted rape and the forced erection, she’ll be just fine.” Spencer felt horrible for the girl. To have been given Viagra to force an erection to make her rape someone was horrifying.
Before anyone could say a thing, the door opened and her doctor entered. Spencer smiled in relief.
“Doctor Reid, we see no signs of concussion or any other brain injury. There are no cracks in your cheekbones from either hit. I don’t see why after a good night’s sleep you won’t be fine to fly home. Nurse Stacy will be in with your discharge papers in a few minutes. Also Mr. and Mrs. Strong wanted me to let you know that they’ve already spoken with Gabby’s transition therapist and they are working to find a good therapist to deal with what happened to her.”
“Good.” Spencer felt more relief at that than her own clean bill of health.
“I know that someone brought you clothes so you can go ahead and get changed.”
“Thank you,” Spencer said as the doctor shook her hand with a smile on his face. He moved out the door and Rossi handed over a stack of clothes. Pants and her sleep sweater. It wasn’t clothes fit to go to the precinct in. She glared at him.
Hotch cleared his throat to draw her attention from the other man. “No. You are going back to the hotel. We have your statement and you can work on your report at the hotel but you are not going into the precinct.” Hotch’s face was firm but there was something that bristled at Spencer about it.
“Why not?” Spencer asked.
“You have stitches on your face and a black eye,” Morgan pointed out.
“And?” Spencer looked at the faces of every single team member. She was frowning, trying to figure out why they didn’t want her to go to the precinct to close down the case. It didn’t take long. Rossi was the only one that would meet her eyes and his eyes said that he wanted her to go with them. That meant that it wasn’t the team wanting her to settle in because of what happened. It was something. The LEOs had heard her.
“Ashamed or afraid that one of them will say something stupid?” Spencer asked Rossi.
“Do you think so little of them?” Rossi asked back. Spencer just glared at him. She’d been told that she looked no scarier than a kitten but it got the point across. “Clemmons, the lead detective is trying to throw the shooting into a suspect territory since you are a Trans female. His Captain is not happy but the detective is very convincing.”
“Reid.” Morgan took a step closer as he spoke but she turned her gaze to him. He stopped in his tracks.
“No. This is no different than if we had a child rapist who we had to kill.” She left the rest unsaid and he stepped back, hands raised. “I’m not going to hide. Gideon introduced me as Doctor Reid to make sure that LEOs and other agents knew that while I looked young, I had a reason for being there. I’m not going to hide. I’ve known since I was four that I felt more like a female than a male and never in my life have I hid it to make others happy. I’m not going to start now.” Hotch and Morgan didn’t look happy but Spencer didn’t care. Rossi though handed over a new blouse. Spencer eyed it.
“Your go bag was full of dirty things. I know that you said you were going to do laundry tonight if the case wasn’t wrapped up. So on the way back here I stopped and picked up something I knew you would like. The pants are new as well.”
“Thank you.” Spencer looked at the pants and was shocked that she hadn’t realized it.
Rossi smiled and turned to look at Morgan and Hotch. Spencer watched as they turned and left the room with no more words spoken. “You guys all go ahead. I’ll drive Reid and I back.”
Spencer cared not for who drove her. She gathered the clothes and moved to the bathroom to change. When she came back out minutes later, she could tell by the look in his eyes that Rossi had known for a while. “How long?”
“Your father let a comment slip while we were in Vegas working on the Riley Jenkins case. Morgan wasn’t around so he didn’t hear it. Your mother never called you anything different than daughter or she but he…Let’s just say that William Reid’s opinion of you is something that I hope he never shares with your mother. I’m told she has a penchant for taking out the eyes.”
“She does. Mom knew before me I think. I don’t like dresses. Hate skirts. But I’ve always felt like a woman. I never brought it up because I didn’t feel that I needed to. I feel like a woman, I look like a woman, and I felt I should be treated like a woman. By the time I went to the academy, I was fully a woman so that’s what Strauss filed me as. My medical file has a notation about the surgeries I’ve had and it’s not hard to take from that what I was.”
“I saw the look that Aaron was giving you in the warehouse. That wasn’t about what was revealed, Reid. Your face was black and blue and bloody and you were mostly naked. He was afraid that he’d let you down.”
“Let me down?” Spencer looked at him curious.
“That he’d let you get raped.”
“Oh.” Spencer looked down at her hands that were clutching the gown. “He didn’t. He threatened it but I’m used to that.”
“After the case with Own Savage, Aaron let me see the videos captured of what happened in Georgia. That case was a fuck up from the start. You and JJ stayed together and dealt with the dogs, following the UnSub until you two hit the corn fields. You couldn’t have guessed that he was going to double back and surprise you. You held it together and gave your team what they needed to find you. No one on this team sees you as weak, Spencer.”
“No one is ashamed.” Rossi was right next to her, she hadn’t even realized that he was getting that close to her. A hand reached out and cupped the side of her face. “I’m proud. You knew your mind at such a young age and have never wavered. I’ve never seen you as anything other than female.”
Spencer pulled Rossi into a hug with a smile on her face. He was content to just stand there and hold her. She only pulled back when the nurse entered with her discharge papers. Spencer signed them and then she was free from the hospital.
The precinct was full of officers. All of them Spencer had worked with over the past week. There were a few that looked at her the same but the majority looked at her different with a few looking at her with murder in their eyes. The Chief of Police though had a smile for her.
“Doctor Reid, I’m glad you are not more injured.” The Chief stopped in front of her and held his hand out to shake. Rossi’s hand settled on her shoulder with a squeeze. Taking a deep breath, Spencer shook his hand. The three of them walked into the room where the rest of the team was packing up all of their things.
“Pretty Girl, Rossi did well with that shirt and pants,” Morgan said as he looked up from packing up the board. Spencer moved over and took over for him. He backed up with a smile on his face. The Chief and Hotch watched the team as they interacted. Spencer knew though that Hotch’s eyes were mainly on her.
Spencer didn’t know how it happened. She thought she’d agreed to a dinner out with the team. It was a Friday night and the team had got back Wednesday from a two day case. JJ had been the one to ask if she had plans on Friday so when Hotch came over and said dinner out, she thought that he was asking as a team thing.
So when Spencer arrived at the restaurant to not find the team there but Hotch alone, she almost went back out the door. Hotch though had stood up and asked her to stay.
“Spencer, please.” Hotch’s voice had been soft and nothing like his normal everyday voice and she hadn’t been able to say no. She sat down at the intimate table set for two. A waiter brought her a glass of water and never offered wine. Hotch only had water as well.
“Why the subterfuge?” Spencer asked after she took a sip of her water.
“You’ve always turned down meals when I ask you. I wanted to talk to you outside of the office.”
“Don’t you think that turning you down meant that I didn’t want what you were offering?” Spencer asked.
“For a while yes but I realized that you were using our perception of you to color what we thought. You aren’t as clueless as you act when it comes to people hitting on you. So JJ asked if you had plans because we figured you would take that to mean team night out. If by the end of the night, you tell me no; I’ll back off. We’ll go back to Hotch and Reid.” Hotch was relaxed in his seat, it was like he was sitting at his desk but Spencer knew him well enough to know what he should look like. There was a vulnerability to the way he was holding himself.
“Okay, Aaron.” Spencer tried the name out. She hadn’t ever let herself think of him as Aaron. It was always Hotch because Hotch was her boss and Hotch was unobtainable. The smile she got from him was blinding. Settling down into the chair more, Spencer let herself relax. Dinner with Aaron was no different than dinner with Hotch, except for two things. Aaron’s hand was moving across the table to touch her as much as he felt he could get away with and he smiled nearly the entire time. When the meal was finished, Aaron waved away dessert.
Spencer had seen the chocolate cake that had been served two tables over and had been looking forward to trying some of it. Aaron paid the bill with little fuss. Spencer tried to pay for hers but the Hotchner glare came out and she relented. She knew that she’d not get to pay. Aaron was old school and raised to be a proper southern man. The little she’d seen of him with Haley told Spencer that he was truly a romantic at heart.
“Did you drive or take the tube?” Aaron asked as he stopped at her chair to help her up. His hand settled at the small of her back as they walked out of the restaurant.
“Because I have dessert planned somewhere else.”
“I took the subway.”
“Good.” Aaron directed her towards his car. His hand was still on the small of her back and his thumb was maddening. It rubbed up and down on her spine. When they got to the car though, he didn’t open her door. Instead her turned her towards him and cupped her cheek, tilting her head slightly. “Yes?”
Inhaling, Spencer tried to think. She really wanted to kiss him but was she ready for that? He knew her deepest darkest secrets and he was tight lipped about his own. He’d taken the chance with the date. Could she take the chance with her heart?
The question was more than just asking if he could kiss her. That question meant so much more than that. It was a yes to allowing him into her life. It was a yes to agree to be in his life. With Jack. She’d never wanted kids. She hadn’t saved her sperm. There was no way for her to have biological children. She hadn’t wanted to run the chance of passing the possibility of schizophrenia off to them. She cared for Jack but did she want to be a mother to him? This was a try at forever. Aaron would never risk all that he was for something he didn’t think he could have forever.
Aaron brushed his lips across hers, soft and sweet. The hand on her back slid up and cradled the back of her head, holding her close while he deepened the kiss. She clutched at his shoulders until he licked into her mouth. She wound those hands around and wrapped herself around him. It was the best kiss of her life. He held her like she precious but not like she was fragile. He kissed her like she was the only thing in the world that he wanted.
Spencer knew that this was all she needed and all she wanted.
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