Series: Love Heals the Shattered Soul
Fandom: Criminal Minds,
Year: Season 7 (2012)
Tags: Friends, Talking, Life Choices,
Pairings: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid,
Characters: Spencer Reid, Jack Hotchner, Will LaMontagne Jr, Henry LaMontagne,
Spoilers: Up Through Season 7
Summary: A day out at the zoo with Spencer, Jack, Will, and Henry. Deep thoughts happen.
Warnings: Discussion of Abortion, Referenced Past Rape,
“Something changed. JJ’s afraid to ask,” Will said as he sat down beside Spencer at the table in the play area of the zoo. Henry and Jack were running off energy from lunch and the two men were enjoying sitting down. Will hadn’t been sure how the day was going to go. It was the first time that one of Henry’s zoo adventures with his Uncle Spencer had been interrupted by Jack. Jack had been the one to ask to go and Spencer had asked Henry. The younger boy had been okay with him coming but Will had been worried that once he saw that Spencer wasn’t going to be able to devote all of his time to Henry like he used to, the boy might have gotten upset.
“Everything is fine.”
“That’s not what I asked and I know your deflection trick by this point, Spencer. So what has changed?”
Spencer sighed and took a sip of his cup of coffee. It had been cute, watching Jack count out the money for the mug. It was a reusable, refillable thing with penguins all over it. Jack had seen it and wanted to buy it for him. The look on Spencer’s face was that he was tolerating it but that he’d pay the kid back some way. It was also possible that Hotch had given him extra money.
“After the kids went to sleep the night of the sleepover two weeks ago, Aaron and I had sex.”
“Okay.” Will digested that. JJ had thought that it would be a while longer before Spencer was ready for that. It had taken a long while for JJ to be ready for sex again after what had happened. Will had never pushed. Even after she’d taken the morning after pill, JJ had been anxious when her period was due. If she had ended up pregnant, it would have been a big clusterfuck. JJ and he had discussed what to do and Will had agreed with JJ on letting Spencer take the baby. JJ would have been in his or her life. JJ had started to prepare herself for the mentality that it was no different than if she’d offered to be a surrogate for him. “And how do you feel about that?”
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Will regretted them. Spencer turned and looked at him with such disdain. He knew to stay away from anything that sounded like a psychiatrist. The younger man didn’t mind talking to one but it was understandable that he didn’t want to feel like he was being interrogated by his friends.
“I’ll take that as you just didn’t know exactly how to ask how I am doing in the time after it.”
Spencer smiled and looked over at Jack. Will nudged him with his shoulder.
“It wasn’t penetrative but it was still…I don’t know if I was mentally ready for it. I wanted it at the moment and I don’t feel bad that we did it. It had Aaron opening up to me now. Discussing the reasons behind his reaction that night. I didn’t think that it would make me more confused. I handled it and the freak out was only minor. But now I feel lost.”
“You’ve had sex once and from when I’ve overheard some of what you’ve told JJ, your relationship with Hotch before that night was pretty physical. I know you Spencer, you would have obsessed about it and made it worse. It’s good that your first time with him was spur of the moment. No long drawn out thinking. No seduction on either side. You may not have thought you were ready but I bet you were and it was all your subconscious.”
A peel of laughter from the boys had Will looking over at them. They had settled down and were sitting on the top of the landing of the slide, pressed side to side and talking. They were good friends and it made Will happy. Henry had asked when Jack was going to move in next door and Will had asked him why he had asked that. Henry said that since Spencer and Hotch were in love and they both loved Jack they needed to be a family and families lived together. It had taken an hour to explain to his son that not all families lived together.
“If your mind wasn’t ready, you would have had a larger freak out and it would have happened as soon as you realized what you had done or in the middle.”
“I know.” Spencer didn’t sound scared but there was something in his voice. Something that Will couldn’t place.
“So what is scaring you now?”
“How easy it was to sleep in Aaron’s arms when the first time I did it. I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t get back to sleep because of it. How did we get back to that so easy yet I flinch when he goes to touch me and I don’t know it. I’m afraid that my love of Jack is pushing me into this. For once I don’t think that I know my own mind.”
“You know your own mind, Spencer. You know that you do. You were happy with Hotch. He made you feel loved and he made you feel like you belonged. Yes it was a secret and the two of you weren’t ready to share it with the team but they knew that something was different. You wouldn’t have allowed Hotch back in if it was just your love of Jack. He wasn’t denying you the right to see him.” Will turned Spencer’s face to look at him and he sighed. Spencer wasn’t going to take his next words well at all but they needed to be said. “Only you can make the decision on if this is right. Only you know if someone else out there can make you happier than you are now. Even if you stopped this right now, Hotch would never deny you the right to see Jack. Nor would Jessica. What do you want? What is your heart pushing you to? Can you see someone else making you happier?”
“Then you have your answer. You know your mind. You know your heart. Trust yourself. Trust in Hotch.” Will waited with baited breath. Spencer just sat there and stared. His eyes tracked Jack as he got up to move around. Henry just watched the older boy as he played by himself.
“And I think that I do trust him again.”
“You just needed to talk.”
“Thank you, Will.” Spencer leaned over and dropped his head onto Will’s shoulder for just a second. Will had gotten used to the weird form of affection from him. It had started not long after Spencer had started to live with them. He knew that hugging was reserved for mainly the girls. Rossi was allowed the kisses on the cheeks but Will hadn’t felt like pushing him into something and this was what developed. JJ found it cute and Will had to agree that he liked it. “Are we ready to head on?” Spencer said loud enough for the boys to hear.
Jack and Henry yelled in happiness and jumped down from the playset. They ran right to Spencer and pulled him up and towards the aquarium. Will laughed as his coffee was almost spilled. Today was going to be good.