Spencer wasn’t sure if Hotch was coming over or not. In the weeks that had followed their return to work, the man hadn’t graced his bed or even his apartment. Spencer was worried as hell about him. Morgan was second guessing him right and left, though he was too focused on Foyet to even care about anything else. Spencer had even tried to start a round of sexting but it had fizzled because Hotch had never texted back. He knew that Hotch got them. Their texting was monitored with something that Garcia had created. It always showed when the texts had been opened.
Times like this, he evaluated if continuing his relations with Hotch was a good thing or not. He wondered If continuing was hurting him more than helping him. But, as with every other time, he didn’t feel that not having Hotch was going to be a harm to him. If he ever started to feel affected in a harmful way when Hotch wasn’t around, he’d step back. Spencer shifted down more onto the couch, propping his bad leg up on the arm of the opposite end. It wasn’t hurting him too bad after the case but he was babying it a little.
The loud knock on the door startled him so much that he fell off the couch. It wasn’t a knock that he knew so he ignored it. If it was someone who he knew they would call out for him or call him. He grabbed his phone and silenced it before laying it on his chest. He waited for a second knock but none came. Grabbing his MP3 player, Spencer closed his eyes and popped in the headphones. It had been a gift from Rossi following his figuring out that no one had been keeping Hotch in the loop on the status of Spencer. It had been loaded with a mixture of classical music that he loved and other music that Rossi felt he needed to listen to. He liked some of it and it was what he brought up now. He’d figured out how to delete the stuff he didn’t like so he didn’t have to listen to it. He hit play and waited for the music to start up. He’d feel his phone vibrate if someone needed him. He turned up the music to block out all sounds of the outside world, but not loud enough to hurt his hearing.
Lost in the music, Spencer didn’t move for an hour. The track listing that he listened to was one hour, two minutes, and seventeen seconds. He turned off the MP3 player knowing that he needed to eat dinner before going to bed. He pulled his leg up, bending the knee a little to figure out how stiff it was. There was only a twinge of pain, but he settled it with pulling the knee in a little more before straightening, then repeating that a few times before he tried to stand. He sat up and set his MP3 player down before he pushed himself up. It wasn’t until he was fully up that he knew he wasn’t alone in his apartment. The smell of Thai filled his nose, a little too strong to be from one of his neighbors. He had put up his gun but he spared a glance at the alarm to see that it was still set. He frowned, trying to figure out exactly what was going on.
“Over here, Reid,” Hotch’s voice called out from the kitchen area. Spencer looked to see him taking the lids off of three containers of food. He saw curry, Pad Thai, and he wasn’t sure what the other was. “You were zoning out and looked so peaceful that I didn’t want to disturb you. I was just going to let myself in after I knocked and didn’t get an answer and wait for you to come home. I was in here for about twenty minutes before you moved on the couch and I realized you were home.”
“You should have just…” Spencer stopped when Hotch glared at him. He slowly made his way into the kitchen. The third container had Pad Thai as well except it was shrimp while the other was chicken. The shrimp was pushed towards Spencer’s seat while Hotch pulled the chicken to himself. There was a fork at the spot where Hotch had him set-up to eat. A glass of water as well as a plate for the curry was waiting on him. He dished out some of it before pushing the whole thing over to Hotch. He liked curry but didn’t like to make a meal out of it. Instead, he just ate some and always gave the rest to someone else on the team.
“Eat.” Hotch pointed his chopsticks at the seat and Spencer sat down. When Spencer had gotten a few bites into his belly, Hotch started to speak again. “I want a moratorium on all things Foyet when I am here. I need to take a break and I hope that you can give that to me.”
Spencer nodded but at the look in Hotch’s eyes he chewed quicker and swallowed his bite of noodles. “I can do that. I won’t bring him up at all.”
“Good. Where are your pills? Is it time for another dose? I know you take them around whatever meals you eat.”
“I have them in the pill holder in the bathroom. I can go get them.”
“I’ve got them. I have plans for you and I want to make sure that you are up for them.”
Spencer swallowed even though he had no food in his mouth. He tried to think about what exactly they could do. While he had downgraded on the brace to a more flexible one, he couldn’t think of a single position for sex that they had done that they could do where he wouldn’t hurt himself. He decided to get through the meal before he even tried to broach the subject with the older man.
Conversation moved to articles in publications that Hotch had seen that pertained to the job and anything he thought might be interesting. Spencer kept the conversation going but he could tell that Hotch knew he was preoccupied. He ate slow, thinking before speaking. Unfortunately even the thought of just jerking each other off had Spencer hard before the end of the meal. Hotch told him to stay seated while he cleaned up. The containers could just be thrown away but the two glasses, two forks, and his plate needed to be washed. It didn’t take the other man long. Spencer shifted around in the chair to where he could push himself up but stopped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, holding him down into the chair.
Hotch dropped into a crouch in front of him. He coaxed him into a kiss as his fingers worked on stripping him of his shirt. Hotch turned him a little to where he was leaning back against the table. He shivered as the first kiss was placed at the spot where the button had been. Hotch worked his way down his chest kissing each patch of skin as it was revealed. He reached out and cupped the back of Hotch’s head, holding him close. When the last button was opened and his shirt jerked from his pants he rolled his shoulders until it fell back. Hotch surged up to kiss him as his fingers fell to his pants, working them open, never pressing on his cock even though it was fully hard now.
“Do you trust me to get your brace off?” Hotch asked as his hands dropped to brush the top of it.
“Yes.” Spencer watched as Hotch’s fingers carefully pulled at the straps holding the brace onto his thigh before moving down to the straps at the base. He only needed to use it right now when he was sleeping and working. Any other time he was supposed to take it off but he had been afraid of falling asleep listening to the music or it would have been off already. Hotch supported his thigh as he pulled the brace off, gently. It went up onto the table and then his pants were worked off along with his underwear. He wasn’t even so careful when he took them off himself. He was shocked when Hotch spread his legs, slipping in between them. He moved up to his haunches, wrapping Spencer’s good leg around his back before gently lifting the bad one and wrapping it around him. There was a bit of burn as the knee flexed but Hotch kept his hand braced under his thigh, taking a lot of his weight as he stood up. Spencer threw his arms around his neck as Hotch’s other hand pulled his face in for a kiss. It was intoxicating, the emotion in the kiss. He was distracted from thinking of anything but it until he felt himself being lowered to the bed. As soon as his butt touched the bed, he started to unwrap his legs. Hotch helped him lower his bad one onto the bed before he thrust down into him. The rasp of the other man’s clothes over his naked skin had him hissing and arching up into him more. He kept his bad leg straight and relaxed but used his other to press up into the older man. He opened his eyes to watch Hotch’s face, what he could see of it. Even closed his eye were expressive.
When Hotch pulled up and away, Spencer kept his eyes trained on him.
“Morgan doesn’t understand.”
“No, not right now. If I had been there, I would have probably walked away before you. Suicide by cop is never good especially when we know that the person is doing it just to escape jail and not because they are depressed and don’t see another way out. I have faith in you. I trust you.”
Hotch crashed their mouths together again, kissing him with everything that he had but he didn’t close his eyes. It was strange for Spencer to just keep seeing eyes but he couldn’t look away. He couldn’t break that connection. Hotch’s body was hovering over his. He wasn’t sure if he wanted the friction of his body on his or not.
“If you want to do anything, you kind of need to get naked. Unless you want to come in your pants like a teenager,” Spencer said as he pulled out of the kiss. He had to breathe and being the focus of Hotch’s stare was making it hard for him to breathe.
“Aren’t you a little talkative today?” Hotch asked. He laughed but pushed himself up off the bed. Spencer followed him to a sitting position and as Hotch moved to step back, he grabbed his shirt keeping him close.
“I have you where I want you.”
“Aren’t I the one that is supposed to be saying that?” Hotch looked at him like he was indulging him but the second that he went for the buttons of his shirt, Hotch tensed and the look on his face went completely to blank. Spencer grabbed the shirt even harder, so that he’d have to jerk to get away from him. Hopefully, Hotch wouldn’t because it would hurt his leg. “Reid.”
“No. It’s naked or you can leave. I won’t have you try and hide them. So make up your mind.” Spencer just stared at him. He hoped that he didn’t trigger Hotch’s stubbornness too much. “And if you leave, you don’t come back until you are ready to show them to me.”
Hotch just stared at him. Spencer was sure that he was going to leave but he didn’t. He just stood there. Staring. Spencer didn’t look away and he didn’t let go. Hotch deflated from one second to the next. It wasn’t a defeated give in, it was one of relief. Spencer pulled him the half step closer so that when he exhaled, Hotch’s shirt ruffled. He untucked the shirt totally from his pants but he didn’t work on the buttons. He buried his head in in Hotch’s groin then Spencer mouthed at the cloth. He stopped only because Hotch grabbed his hair and tipped his head back.
“If you are going to do that, take me out.” Hotch let go of his hair but Spencer didn’t do as he asked. Instead, he shifted to where he was sitting straighter and slipped his hands under the back of Hotch’s shirt. He’d never just explored the man’s body before. Hotch had done it to him plenty of times before but he’d never been allowed to. He was going to make the most of it. He wanted to see the scars yes but he wanted to make sure Hotch knew that the healing scars didn’t make him less in Spencer’s eyes. He dragged his hands from back to front, settling them just under Hotch’s scars. He brushed his thumbs up, just barely touching the edge of one scar.
“Look at me,” Spencer whispered. He waited until Hotch’s eyes were on him before he leaned in and lifted the shirt a little with his fingers. When he could see the first scar, he stopped lifting the shirt. He kissed it, reverently before licking it. Hotch shuddered but didn’t pull away. Spencer took it as permission. He slid his hands up Hotch’s chest, mapping it with his fingers under the shirt. Taking in the location of every single scar. He tweaked Hotch’s nipples before he started stand.
“Reid.” Hotch started but at the look from Spencer he stopped. Spencer kissed at Hotch’s throat as he settled on his feet. He slowly worked the buttons open on his shirt. When he had the last open, he slid his hands down the older man’s arms, to work his cuffs open. Once they were open, he slid his hands back up, never taking his lips away from Hotch’s neck. He brushed the fabric down Hotch’s arms and let it fall to puddle on the floor.
Taking Hotch’s mouth in a kiss, Spencer trailed his fingers down the other man’s chest. He stayed away from the scars, touching everywhere else. Instead he focused on kissing Hotch like he’d never kissed him before. He jumped a little when Hotch’s hands settled on his waist, bringing their groins in contact. The drag of cloth on his cock had him moaning into the kiss. He allowed Hotch to do as he wanted while he brushed his thumb over the topmost scar. Hotch’s breathing stuttered but he didn’t pull away. Spencer mapped every scar with surer fingers, ever gentle but not timid.
“I want your mouth on me,” Hotch said into his mouth before he pulled even farther back from him.
“It was on you.”
“No, down…” Hotch swallowed and took a hold of one of Spencer’s hands and laid it over one of his scars. Spencer smiled and ducked his head not to touch his chest but to lick at his collar bone. One of Hotch’s hands landed on his head and tried to push him farther down but Spencer resisted. Hotch growled a little but Spencer just looked up at him.
“You gave me control the second you gave me an option on sucking your cock or not. So either take it all back or enjoy what I am doing.”
“Should we lay down?”
“This is better for my knee. I’m less likely to hurt myself like this. If I lay down sometimes I forget and move funny.” Spencer nipped at the skin just above Hotch’s left nipple and moaned when the hand on his head threaded itself in his hair and tugged, just hard enough for him to feel it. He felt his cock jump at it. He worked open Hotch’s pants, brushing a finger up the length of it for fun.
Spencer took his time as he kissed and laved at each scar, Hotch’s cock stayed hard the entire time and was leaking by the time that he got to the last one. Spencer couldn’t help licking at the head. He was seated on the bed again, Hotch had taken a step back so that he could lean over and not have to have his neck at such a sharp angle.
The only warning he got that Hotch was taking back control was the hand in his hair went from gentle to rough as his head was forced down farther onto the cock. He sucked as he was pushed down, taking him near all the way in. He’d done what he needed to. Hotch shouldn’t feel self conscious about his scars at all. Hotch thrust in and out of his mouth a few times before he pushed a little farther in. Deepthroating him was easy now and he enjoyed it.
Before Spencer was done, Hotch pulled him completely off his cock, pushing him into an upright position before pushing him all the way back onto his back on the bed. He watched as Hotch stripped naked. He grabbed the lube from the nightstand drawer before tossing it on one of the pillows.
“How are you at sitting with your back against the headboard?” Hotch looked down at him before settling his knee between the V made by Spencer’s thighs. He hand went right for Spencer’s bad knee. He was used to Hotch manhandling him but he didn’t tense. Instead he relaxed more. Hotch leaned over him, kissing him. The older man gently lifted his leg to where he had his foot propped on the bed. His fingers were gentle as he mapped Spencer’s own scar. Hotch pulled back and motioned for him to move up the bed. Before he could though, Hotch placed an open mouthed kiss on his knee.
Spencer settled himself in his comfortable position on bed, his bad leg straight and his good leg bent slightly but laying flat on the bed. He wasn’t sure what kind of sex act they were going to perform but the only thing he could think of was mutual masterbation. He cursed his leg but stopped at the look Hotch was giving him. He didn’t know what to call it. If it had been anyone else, he would have called it love. He’d have to call it fondness. Hotch was vulnerable, that had to be why he showing any emotion other than lust. It wasn’t directed wholly at him. Just a release.
Hotch grabbed the lube up again as he moved to straddle Spencer’s legs. He wasn’t shocked when Hotch’s lube coated hand slid up and down his shaft. He expected the older man to settle down on him but he didn’t. At least not in the way that he thought.
Lips on his, Spencer closed his eyes and reached out to touch. He settled his hands on Hotch’s hips and moaned as the man drove him crazy. He was shifting just right to tease Spencer’s cock with his ass cheeks. It wasn’t until he felt a hand on his hair, holding him in place and realized that Hotch was doing more than teasing that he opened his eyes. Hotch was staring down at him as he slid down on Spencer’s cock. Seeing Hotch’s face this time did something to Spencer. He wanted the safety of closing his eyes but he knew he wouldn’t get it. He couldn’t look away.
“Okay? I’m not hurting you right?” Hotch asked, his voice barely audible over the thudding of Spencer’s pulse. Spencer shook his head. “Words.”
“You are not hurting my knee, Hotch.”
“How do I feel? Wrapped around your cock.” Hotch’s thrusts up and down were slow but Spencer felt like he could come at any time.
“Hot. Tight. Good. Hotch, please.”
“Good. You are so good. Asking. Jerk me off. Make me come first and then you can.” Hotch’s hand didn’t let go of his hair but he was drawn into a kiss. Hotch’s pace was picking up. Spencer let go of Hotch’s right hip and felt around until his fingers brushed the cock. He heard the snap of lube cap and the some was drizzled on the head. He smeared it up and down before trying his hardest to make Hotch come. The man was driving him crazy. Clenching his ass tight as he slid up. Driving himself down hard and fast. It wasn’t until Hotch’s rhythm stuttered that Spencer even realized that he had came. He was so focused on what he was doing he didn’t feel the release coating his hand.
“Please?” Spencer begged.
“Yes. You can come now,” Hotch whispered against his lips. Spencer threw his head back, slamming Hotch’s hand into the metal bars. He came with a cry that Hotch didn’t even try and muffle. Spencer felt a hand on his bad leg, just at the calf, holding it down. Making sure he didn’t hurt himself.
Spencer relaxed down into his bed, letting the headboard hold him up. He was tired. It was like he was floating a little. He felt Hotch lift off his cock and move away. He came back some time later with a washcloth and cleaned Spencer up before helping him settle on the bed laying down. Before Spencer could get his mouth open, he felt the brace being slid up his leg. He reached to help but his hands were batted away. His incision site was checked over and he felt a kiss being placed on it.
“You are healing up good.”
“Yes,” Spencer said lazily. His eyes were on Hotch who was looking at his leg.
“Let’s get you covered up.” Hotch finished with his leg brace and then covered him up, pulling his glasses off his face. Spencer rolled onto his side. He’d gotten used to sleeping like that. He pulled the blankets up to around his neck and settled in.
Spencer was almost fully asleep when he felt the bed shift. His first response was to reach for his glasses. His hand flew blindly towards where they were normally but was caught.
“Shhh,” Hotch said. Spencer felt the bed shift more and then a body was pressing in along his back. “It’s just me. Can I hold you?”
“Yes,” Spencer said, closing his eyes. He’d kind of gotten used to Hotch sleeping in bed with him between getting shot and going back to work. But this was different. Hotch was pressed in along his back with an arm around his waist. He slipped his other arm underneath Spencer’s pillow. Hotch was craddling him. It was more intimate than anything they had done. He wondered exactly what was going through Hotch’s mind. He wondered if he was thinking of Haley while wrapped around him. He willed himself to sleep before Hotch could utter her name.