Shattered Dream

Title: Shattered Dream
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Year: Season 7 (2011-12)
Tags: Angst, Recovery,
Ratings: NC-17
Pairings: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid,
Characters: Spencer Reid, Aaron Hotchner, Jack Hotchner, Jennifer “JJ” Jareau, William LaMontagne JR,
Spoilers: Up Through Season 7
Summary: Spencer Reid knew that he was never going to have the romantic tale to tell anyone. First, he fell in love with his boss. That meant that there wasn’t a lot of telling that could be done. Second, the man had utterly broke his heart with “We are over, Reid.” Of course, that wasn’t the end of it. No, the universe just had to kick him while he was down and now he and JJ are in the ER waiting for results of the tests to tell them exactly what happened that had messed up both of their lives.
Words: 54,794
Notes: The paternity test used in this might not have been available. I looked and found it but wasn’t given a point in time that it was made available to public use. Also, DNA test results are got back fast, not a normal for most hospitals.
Warnings: Rape, Suicidal Thoughts, Self Harm, Discussion of Abortion, Graphic Flashbacks to Imagined Events
Beta: rivermoon1970

The art for this story was made by the lovely Rivermoon1970. She’s always there when I need her and she always does such lovely banners.

Shattered Dream

Numb was a feeling that Spencer Reid wasn’t used to. Even post-Georgia he hadn’t felt numb. Spencer reached down to rub his hand down the front of the scrub top that he was wearing. The nurses had been kind enough to give him a set of scrubs to wear instead of a hospital gown after his examination. The sounds of the hall filled the room, but Spencer didn’t mind it. The silence was what he was having a problem with. The silence of the living room as the love of his life turned his back on him when he needed him the most. The sound of silence after Spencer had finally gone back to the bedroom to face what was going to happen.

JJ had been silent for the entire ride to the hospital. She had been silent as Spencer had talked to the registration nurse and convinced her to let them go back and then take care of it all. As soon as Spencer had told her that they had been drugged, and they weren’t sure who they had sex with but that both of them had sex with no memory of it, the nurse had got them two rooms in the private area of the ER. Someone had come and drawn blood as soon as possible.

After the full rape exam had been done on Spencer, he had been left alone to try and deal with the silence of the room. Trying to get any noise, Spencer had moved to the window to look out. The window would only open enough for a little air to come in but not enough for someone to slip out but it brought blessed noise into the room.

A knock on the door had Spencer turning around. The door opened, and the doctor who had talked to him entered.

“A preliminary blood test confirms that you had sex with someone with Miss Jareau’s blood type. A full DNA panel will take longer. I have antibiotics that will clear up any STD’s and a round of antiretrovirals just in case.”

“Thank you.”

“Miss Jareau wants to talk to you.”

“No. I want to be left alone, please.” Spencer downed the pills from the cup that the doctor handed him and he drank the bottle of water that was given next. He closed his eyes because he couldn’t face JJ. Spencer didn’t think that he could ever face her again. He had raped her. He had raped his best friend in the world. Spencer turned back to the window and looked outside. He laid his hand over the crook of his elbow. The want of Dilaudid was high, and Spencer knew that he wasn’t going to be strong enough to stop himself from going out and scoring as soon as he was released. He wanted the relief, the release from guilt it would give him. And maybe if he took enough, he’d not have to face reality ever again.

“Sure, Doctor Reid. We are finishing running the tests on your blood and will let you know soon what you were dosed with.” The doctor left the room without another word spoken, and Spencer turned his head to where all he could see was the DC skyline.

The sky was light enough to where Spencer could see all of the people moving around below them. The sound of his phone ringing again had Spencer covering his ears to try and block out the sound. He didn’t know why Hotch was calling him. Hotch had been the one to suggest that he not come into work that day, case or no case. He was just doing what his boss told him to do, but still, the man couldn’t just leave him alone.

Spencer couldn’t block out the sound anymore so when the ringing stopped, Spencer uncurled from the window. It only took a few steps until he was there at the stand that held his phone. Spencer picked it up and turned it off before turning it over and popping off the back to take out the battery. He laid the three pieces back onto the stand and moved back to the window. Spencer debated just leaving. Checking himself out AMA and just leaving. No one would look for him for hours, and by then he wouldn’t be a problem for them anymore. The only thing that he had to do was make sure that he wrote a letter to his mother because she needed to know.

There was only a small click from the door when it opened next, but Spencer didn’t turn to look at whoever was there. Probably a nurse to take his blood pressure again. The door shut again and then the lock clicked. The hairs on Spencer’s neck raised up, and he turned so quick that he almost fell out of the window to see JJ and Will standing there.

“Don’t, please just leave,” Spencer begged. He pushed himself back into the window a little better and looked back out. Spencer didn’t want to remember JJ as Spencer had seen her that morning, crying the whole way silently to the hospital and the look of anguish that she had given him when the nurses had separated them. He wanted to remember her as she had been the night before. Laughing as she took the money off of a pair of men who had thought that because she was small and a girl that she couldn’t throw darts. He wanted to remember the entire team the way they had been the night before. Hotch smiling as he had tried not to laugh as Rossi had talked about a case that he and Gideon had been on and the trick that a pair of seven-year-olds had played on the FBI agents who were staying in their small town. Morgan as he danced with any woman who would dance and Garcia as she watched, her eyes only for her Chocolate Thunder. Prentiss as she laughed as JJ tried to dance with her. Everyone had been happy, and Spencer wanted that to be his last memory of them all.

“I’m not going to let you do this, Spencer Reid,” JJ said as she moved up to stand behind him. Spencer could see her outline in the reflection in the glass of the window.

“I raped you!” Spencer said. He hoped that if he said it enough she would leave.

“We were drugged and raped each other,” JJ said as she grabbed Spencer’s arm and forced him around to face her. “We were drugged. You know the symptoms of date rape drugs, and you were uttering them as we were driven here. I saw the puke from both of us near the bed. I don’t know who drugged us, but I’m sure that if we hadn’t gone back to your place, something worse would have happened.”

“Will, please, just make her leave.”

“No. We aren’t leaving you alone, Spencer. This was done to you. And you are both strong enough to get through this with your friendship intact.” Will stepped up to beside JJ, boxing Spencer in.

“No, I’m not. I’m not strong enough.” Spencer tucked his legs back up into the window. JJ let him turn to where he could still see them, but he was able to curl around his legs. “Don’t make this harder, just let me go.”

“Oh God,” JJ whispered before she hugged Spencer. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held him close. Will stepped close as well and Spencer tried to fight out of her hold, without hurting her but he couldn’t. A sob worked itself loose from Spencer, and he couldn’t stop the flood that started. “I’m here, Spence. I’m here, and I’m not leaving you.”

“Please,” Spencer begged as he tried to gulp in a breath. JJ tugged on him, and Spencer felt himself fall for a second before strong arms helped him down to the floor. Spencer found himself sitting in JJ’s lap with Will right there in front of him, carding his fingers through his hair.

“Will, tell the doctor that he’s suicidal,” JJ whispered. Spencer tried to open his mouth to refute it, but he couldn’t stop sobbing long enough to do it. Spencer dropped his head to rest on JJ’s arms, not caring if he was getting snot and tears all over her.

Time lost all meaning as Spencer laid there in JJ’s arms. He could feel her crying as well, and it was cathartic. Will left and came back and left, coming back again. He stayed right there beside JJ and Spencer, protecting them from everyone who entered the room.

“Spencer, the doctor wants to give you something to help you calm down,” Will said. Spencer shook his head no.

“He’s going to give it to JJ as well, and I’m going to stay here the whole time. I won’t let anyone touch either one of you.” Will sounded his normal strong self, so Spencer pulled his head up to look at Will. He looked at the doctor behind Will and saw that the man was alone. “I have my gun, and I have a taser. I was on duty when JJ called.”

“I’m sorry,” Spencer said.

“We will talk about what you are sorry for when you wake up, but right now you truly do have nothing to be sorry for. If you hadn’t taken JJ home with you, who knows who would have got their hands on JJ. Think about that. She could have been killed. Alive is better than dead.”

“Not all the time,” Spencer said but he allowed Will to help him into a standing position and then he was led over to the bed. JJ stood up on her own and urged Spencer down onto the bed. JJ laid down with him, and she cuddled into his front, her head tucked under his.

“I’m going to clean the spot on both of your shoulders and inject you there, Doctor Reid, Agent Jareau.”

“Okay,” Spencer said. He felt JJ nod her head. Spencer felt the cold wipe of an alcohol swab and then the prick of the needle into his skin. Spencer sighed as he felt it start to take effect quickly in his system. He forced himself to stay awake until JJ was asleep.

“Spence, you can sleep,” Will whispered. Spencer felt a hand on his hair, brushing it back from his face. “She’s safe. Nothing is going to happen to her.”

Spencer closed his eyes and let the medicine make him sleep.

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Will leaned back in the chair. The doctor wasn’t going to let anyone in. All the nurses and aides had been warned to not enter unless they wanted a gun in their face. Two detectives, as well as CSU, were already on their way to Spencer’s to take evidence. JJ had mentioned the puke and what she remembered from the bedroom as she had got dressed in some of Spencer’s clothes. JJ had told him everything after she had called him and told him what happened, he had rushed to her. At the moment the team was in the dark on what happened. JJ had even removed her battery from her phone.

JJ had mentioned that hearing Spencer talking to someone had been what had woken her up. Before she had been able to understand the other man had left. JJ had been told about Spencer having a boyfriend but that he’d been keeping it secret. When Spencer had walked back into his bedroom, JJ said that he had looked like his heart had been ripped out. Will concluded that Spencer’s boyfriend had broken up with him. Between that and what had happened over the night between him and JJ, Will wasn’t shocked that the genius was suicidal.

Spencer’s apartment was a crime scene at the moment so Will had sent a beat cop to get his go bag or bags from his car so that he would have clothes to wear until he was allowed back into his apartment. Will had already decided that Spencer was staying with them. Will wasn’t shocked when he felt his phone vibrate. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked. He was surprised to see that it was Hotch calling him.

“Hello,” Will said when he answered the phone.

“Will, I’m sorry to call you when you are working but JJ called off, and I wanted to make sure that she was okay.”

“She’s just under the weather. She got Spencer sick too. I am not sure if she said that.”

“I knew that he wasn’t going to be at work today.”

Will’s eyebrows rose up. He was aware that Spencer hadn’t called anyone. Hotch had called several times, but Spencer had ignored them. Will had turned on his phone after putting the battery back in, just long enough to make sure that he hadn’t called or texted his old drug supplier. The thing was that Hotch first called him not long after JJ had called him.

“How did you know that because I know that neither Spencer or JJ have called anyone on the team except for the message that JJ left on your phone and she did not mention Spencer at all.”

“I don’t have to answer that.” Hotch sounded defensive.

“No, you don’t. You don’t have to answer any of my questions, but after this phone call, I won’t be answering my phone again. Do not have Garcia track the phone if you know what is good for you.” Will hung up on Hotch and looked at Spencer. He wasn’t going to feel bad about what he was about to do. Will reached over and grabbed the three parts of the phone again and put it back together.

As soon as the phone booted up, Will went to the text messages. He hadn’t paid attention to any of the ones from the team, but he looked at the one from Hotch. Will tapped the text log open and scrolled through it, his stomach feeling queasy when he found what he was looking for. The familiarity that was hard to hide. He closed it and opened Morgan’s and found nothing like it there. Rossi’s was next, and it was the same. Back to Hotch’s. There was nothing at all that was totally out of place, but there was so much in so few words. Will scrolled farther back and found one that was hard to not see the domestic side. It was a text from Hotch that said that Jack had left his homework at the apartment and asking Spencer to drop it off at the school before he came into the office.

No wonder Spencer was suicidal. Due to outside influences he and his best friend had raped each other, and due to that his boyfriend, a man he respected had left him. Will turned the phone back off and popped the battery again. He had probably brought the rest of the BAU down on them by not stopping himself from speaking. He had meant to protect. He would have to make sure that the doctor knew that no one was to come in and see them.

JJ’s eyes shifted to Will as he stood up. He reached over and brushed his knuckle down the side of her face. She closed her eyes again and settled back down.

“Doctor,” Will said as the doctor passed by the room.

“Is something wrong?”

“JJ told you that she was a Federal Agent. Well her team might be descending on the hospital, and she and Doctor Reid would prefer that they are kept away.”

“I see. Why don’t we move them to a secure ward? While they are knocked out. I can make it so that you are the only visitor allowed and make sure that anyone who shows up and asks about them is not even told they are here.”

“That sounds good.”

“Agent Jareau told me that you and she have a young son and that Doctor Reid is his godfather. I think that maybe seeing him would be good for him.”

“I’ll call my babysitter and have her bring him by. Her name is Adrienne Smits, and our son is Henry.”

“I’ll add them onto the secure ward, and I’ll send two orderlies to transfer the agents to their new room. For now, I won’t separate them. If Doctor Reid doesn’t wake up calm and starts to freak out again though, I will make Agent Jareau move to another room.”

“I understand.”

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Aaron looked at the data that Garcia had tracked for him before he’d even called Will. JJ hadn’t been answering her phone, and neither was Spencer. JJ, Will, and Spencer’s phones were all in the same place. Garcia hadn’t narrowed it down to a more specific location, but Aaron knew that the location wasn’t Spencer’s apartment or the condo unit that Will and JJ shared. He looked down at the paperwork that he had pulled from the drawer. Spencer had made him his medical proxy for years.

There was only one reason for Spencer to be at the hospital closest to his apartment with JJ and Will. Something had happened. Aaron knew that he had reacted wrong that morning. He should have given Spencer a chance to talk but seeing a naked woman in Spencer’s bed had been too much. He had never seen Haley’s indiscretions in person but seeing Spencer had been too much. The thought that Spencer was totally gay hadn’t been something that had crossed his mind until he was at work.

Aaron knew that he had a lot of making up to do and it needed to start with him telling Spencer, personally, that he was sorry. Aaron first was going to stop by Spencer’s apartment and find the rings that he had hidden in Spencer’s sock drawer. It wasn’t in Spencer’s regular sock drawer but the sock drawer that held normal socks, thick white ones, left over from when he had sprained his foot so bad that he’d been in an air cast for weeks. His regular socks were too thin to keep his feet warm, so Aaron had bought thick white socks for him to cover his foot in before he put on a sock that mismatched from the sock on the other foot. Aaron remembered Spencer taking care of making sure that none of the white sock showed through the socks he picked. Aaron also remembered helping him most mornings with dressing and putting the air cast on. Spencer had kept the socks just in case he said, that there was no need to ever buy such plain socks again. Aaron had planned to propose the night that he picked up the rings but Spencer had fallen asleep long before it was even dark and so Aaron had hidden the rings in the sock drawer that Spencer never got into.

Plans made, Aaron left his office, stopped by Dave’s and told him that he had a personal emergency he needed to take care of and that it wasn’t Jack, Jack was fine. Traffic wasn’t as bad as it had been when Aaron had gone to work but it wasn’t better by much. However, when Aaron turned the corner onto Spencer’s street, he wasn’t expecting to see several cop cars and a CSU van outside of Spencer’s building. Aaron parked a little farther down the block than he normally did and moved towards the cops that were stopping people from entering the building.

“What happened here?” Aaron asked.

“Just move along please.”

Aaron pulled his credentials out and flashed them at the cop. The cop’s eyes widened, but he didn’t offer anything up.

“One of my agents lives in this building, and last night one of my other agents went home with him because she was too drunk to drive and we were around the block. So please, tell me why you are here.”

“It’s an active case, Agent Hotchner,” a detective said as he stepped out of the main entrance. “When we are allowed to talk about it, we will. I suggest you call to check on your agents. If they are in the building, they are being interviewed. If they are not in the building, then they moved on before we got here.”

Aaron glared at the detective. The man just glared back. Aaron looked at the name, and he remembered it. It was Will’s new partner.

“Where is Detective LaMontagne?” Aaron asked.

“Not here.”

That confirmed it for Aaron. If the detective was there without his partner and not giving him information, then whatever happened had happened to Spencer and JJ. Aaron walked back to his car at a quick pace. His only thought was that he needed to know what happened to his team.

The drive to the hospital was quick, and Aaron parked in the police parking. The tag on his car would make sure that he wasn’t towed. Inside at the reception desk was stern looking old woman sat.

“I’m here to see Spencer Reid,” Aaron said.

“Spell the last name please,” the woman said.

“R-e-i-d.”

“Thank you.” the woman typed away at the computer. “There is no Spencer Reid in the hospital.”

“My name is Aaron Hotchner, and I am a Federal Agent. I know that he is here and I hold his medical power of attorney. I will see him, or I will come back with a court order to be taken back to see him.” Aaron pulled the papers from his pocket and brandished them at her. The woman just raised an eyebrow at him, but she typed a few more things onto the computer and then picked up a phone.

“Doctor Summers, I have an Agent Aaron Hotchner here demanding to see Spencer Reid.” The woman rolled her eyes. “Yes, I’m aware that we do not have a Spencer Reid inside the hospital, but he has a medical power of attorney and is threatening to get a court order.” Silence happened for a few seconds, and then the woman nodded and hung up. “Doctor Summers will be down to see you in a few moments. There is a waiting room over there, and you can wait there.”

“Thank you.”

“Welcome.”

Aaron moved to the room and sat down in one of the chairs. He crossed one leg over the other and perused emails on his phone. It was only three minutes until a doctor entered the room. The man was very stern looking.

“Agent Hotchner, my name is Doctor David Summers.”

“Thank you for talking to me, Doctor Summers. I just want to see Mr. Reid.”

“Doctor Reid. And Doctor Reid doesn’t want to see you.”

“Doctor Reid and Agent Jareau are both here in this hospital. Her partner, Detective LaMontagne is here as well.”

“And none of them want to see you.”

“I will see a Federal judge to get granted the right to see Doctor Reid.”

“Why? He doesn’t want you.”

“I’d rather hear that from him.”

“I’m disinclined to take you to his room when he is asleep. I’ll escort you to the waiting room for the area that he is in. Stay there, or I will have you escorted out until he wakes up.”

“That is fine.”

No words were said as Aaron followed the doctor to a secure ward. Aaron sat down in the chair that the physician pointed him towards. Aaron pulled out his phone again and waited. He waited, watching those that moved around the outside of the room. He waited until the shift change happened. When that happened, he took off his suit jacket and untied his tie. He laid the tie down and unbuttoned the top two buttons before he exited the waiting room. Just then Will left a room, Aaron ducked back and watched the man move towards a coffee station that one of the nurses was at fixing herself a cup of coffee. Aaron slipped past the both of them and into the room that Will had left.

Turning around once he had locked the door, Aaron was shocked to see that Spencer and JJ were curled around each other in the bed. They looked fine except for the bags under Spencer’s eyes. Aaron moved around to be at Spencer’s back, and as he did, he saw a small band-aid on JJ’s upper arm, and when he lifted up Spencer’s scrub sleeve, he found one there as well. There was also evidence of blood drawn from Spencer’s left arm. Aaron took a seat in the chair that was close to the bed. What had happened that had caused JJ and Spencer to go from Spencer’s apartment right to a hospital after waking? Aaron had deduced that it was JJ in Spencer’s bed.

“Will?” Spencer called out as he shifted on the bed a few minutes later, Aaron kept his mouth shut. He tried to breathe as softly as he could, hoping that Spencer fell back asleep. Then the door rattled as someone tried to open it and it was locked. “Will?”

“JJ!” Will yelled on the other side of the door and Aaron stood up and moved over to the door and opened it up. Will looked at him in shock before he pushed past Aaron. “Get out. Haven’t you done enough damage?” Will demanded.

Aaron turned around to see Spencer sitting up halfway on the bed. JJ was rubbing at her eyes and looking at Spencer, but Spencer was only looking at Aaron.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron said as he held Spencer’s eyes. Aaron took a step closer to Spencer, and the younger man reacted by falling backward out of bed. JJ scrambled up and looked over the edge of the bed while Will ran to him. Aaron stayed where he was. He had seen the look of fear in Spencer’s eyes before he had gone over the side of the bed. Spencer was scared of him. Spencer was scared of him.

“Spence?” JJ called out, but Aaron watched through the legs of the bed as Will crouched to touch Spencer and all he did was scatter backward, out of Will’s reach. Will took a step back, and instead of standing up he sat down. JJ turned to look at Aaron, and there was such a look of anger that on her face that Aaron could only take a few steps back.

“Agent Hotchner is…I told you to stay away until I talked to Doctor Reid,” Doctor Summers said as he entered the room. Aaron turned to look at him, and all anger at the doctor left him. Anger wasn’t the emotion that was needed from Aaron at the moment.

“I…made a mistake. I’m sorry Doctor. Doctor Reid fell off of the bed, and he’s not allowing Detective LaMontagne to touch him. I’ll leave and let you call me when Doctor Reid is willing to talk to me.” Aaron turned and left the room. He wasn’t stopped as he made for the doors at the end of the hall. He wasn’t stopped as he left the hospital.

Aaron barely remembered driving, but when he stopped, he was outside of Spencer’s apartment again. A different cop was standing outside, talking to one of the MPD’s CSU techs. Aaron got out of his car and crossed the road when he could.

“Is everything done?” the officer asked.

“All fluids from the bedroom, including the puke has been cleaned up. Is this just like the other five cases?”

“Yes. Except the victims are two federal agents and not from a couple.”

“One of the agents is LaMontagne’s wife isn’t it?”

“LaMontagne’s partner, not wife. But yes. The other agent is little Henry’s Godfather. This is not anything that they need. With the Feebs having two victims, the case will probably be taken by the FBI.”

“We have a total of twelve rapes, and you don’t want the FBI to help?” the tech asked.

“It’s our case.”

Aaron wandered away. Rape. Spencer and JJ had been raped. Aaron barely made it to his car before he puked. He dropped to his knees on the passenger side of the car and puked again. The sound of squealing tires didn’t even draw Aaron out of it as he dry heaved after puking up everything in his stomach.

“What the hell is going on?” Morgan demanded.

Aaron wiped at his mouth with a handkerchief in his pocket. He stuffed it back in and stood up. Dave, Prentiss, and Morgan were standing there at the police barricade.

“Morgan!” Aaron yelled, and he watched as all three members of the team turned to look at him.

“Hotch, JJ’s sick, Reid didn’t call and didn’t come in. She went home with him now there are cops all over Reid’s apartment,” Prentiss said as they got close.

“All I know is that JJ and Reid are at the hospital. Let the MPD finish their job. Let’s wait until JJ and Reid come to us.”

“But-” Morgan started.

“JJ and Reid are grown ups, they will contact us if they want us.”

“Garcia knows where they are. They are at the hospital, and she said that you asked her to track them.”

“I was worried when neither answered their phones.”

“Garcia says there are no records of them being in the hospital, she looked.”

“Aaron,” Dave said, and Aaron turned to see Dave on the far side of the car, his gaze on the puke. “What aren’t you telling us?”

“Reid and JJ want privacy. The least we can do as their friends is give it to them. I want to see you all back at the office. I’ll deal with Garcia.”

Aaron was going to make sure that Garcia left them alone, it was the least he could do.

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Spencer didn’t like waking up from drugged periods of sleep. Spencer didn’t like not knowing where he was when he woke up but the sound of JJ breathing beside him and Will talking on the phone told him that he was safe. Spencer stayed like he was because he barely remembered why he had been drugged, again. He waited for his brain to clear up and he remembered that Hotch had come into his room. He had been promised that he would be safe.

“Your breathing changed, Spencer I know you are awake.”

“Just waiting for my brain to kick in.” Spencer scooted away from JJ on the bed and laid on his back. JJ was on her side, looking at him. “Where is my phone?”

“Still in pieces on the nightstand.”

“This isn’t the ER.”

“No, it’s a secure ward that ended up not being that secure. Hotch was here, I don’t know if you remember that.”

“I do. Are the tests back?”

“Yes. Standard Rohypnol as well as scopolamine,” Will said.

“And?”

“A blood test shows that they are out of your blood now. Doctor Summers took it after he sedated you again. He wants to keep you another day.”

“No.”

“Well no matter what, Spence your apartment is a crime scene, so you are going home with Will and me.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

Spencer just nodded and started to make plans on what he was going to do to get away from her.

“The doctor said that he would release you if you come home with us. Otherwise, you are staying here.”

“Fine. Just let me sign my discharge papers please.”

“I’ll get the Doctor. He’s going to want to do a few last tests. I have your go bag in the bathroom.” Will pointed at the bathroom and Spencer nodded. JJ was already dressed in new clothes, and Will had even changed. A few minutes later, Doctor Summers came into the room and checked Spencer’s eyes, his breathing, and a slew of other tests. He was pronounced well enough to go home, but the Doctor pressed on him that he needed to stay with someone.

Spencer changed into clothes from his go bag, grabbed the cash he had in the bag, and as soon as he could he slipped out the room door. JJ was on the phone talking to someone, and Will wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Spencer went to the doors that led out of the ward, and no one stopped him, even as he stepped out of them. Spencer found the first stairwell and made it down as fast as he could. He was outside of the hospital and on the street before he started to breathe normally. There was a bus stop at the end of the road, and Spencer ran to it. He dug out a five out of the money in his pocket and slipped it into the machine to pay for him and how many ever it paid for after him. He sat down at the front of the bus. His only thought was getting away and just silencing it all.

Half an hour later, Spencer was in the area where his dealer used to deal from. Spencer saw the lookout but just beyond him was a man talking to the dealer. Spencer frowned and moved up, hoping the other man was done before he got there.

“Hey, Doc. Go ahead up. Been a long time,” the lookout said.

Spencer just moved forward and approached the dealer slowly. As he got close, the dealer nodded his head towards Spencer but was looking at the man he was talking to. Spencer stopped moving, and the man turned around. Spencer’s feet were like lead as he looked at Hotch.

“JJ called Morgan and said you had run from the hospital. I knew where you were going. Spencer, if this is what you actually want, I’ll leave you to it, but if it’s just to silence the words and the pain, you can come with me.”

“Why would I want to go with you?” Spencer asked.

Hotch looked away from Spencer and towards a car on the far side of the road. Spencer looked that way and saw Jack sitting in the back seat. Spencer turned to Hotch, and he wanted to hit him. He wanted to just start to hit him and not stop. Spencer looked at the dealer and then at Hotch.

“He sells to you without me saying yes, I take him in. He doesn’t, I walk away.”

“You are a bastard.” Spencer turned away from the dealer and moved to Hotch’s car. He opened the back seat door that Jack wasn’t sitting on and slumped down into the seat.

“Hi, Spencer.”

“Hello, Jack.”

“Daddy says that I get to spend today with you.”

“I guess so.” Spencer closed his eyes. Jack was silent, Spencer was thankful for that. Hotch got into the front seat and started to drive.

“JJ said that you were released into her care. I’m not asking what or anything. Just tell me what we need to keep an eye on.”

Spencer glared at Aaron in the rear view mirror. “Harakiri. Just not with the guts.”

“Eww,” Jack said.

“Yeah, it’s nasty,” Spencer said. He looked out the window and realized that they weren’t heading towards Aaron’s apartment or Spencer’s. It took a few seconds for him to realize where they were going. Jessica’s. Spencer looked at Hotch in the rear view mirror and stared until the man looked back at him. He didn’t like that Hotch was doing what he was doing. It was his life, and it was his choice to end it.

“I called Jessica, and she is more than willing for a house buddy for a few days, besides Jack. For now, I have put the team off, but they will figure it out because with you and JJ the case has now become Federal. You and she are the fifth confirmed case. There is another case that is iffy.”

“Fifth?” Spencer asked. He leaned up so that he could see the side of Hotch’s face without using the mirror. Jack huffed a little and sat back. Spencer laid a hand on his thigh. Jack put his hand over it. “What is the reasoning?”

“The MPD hasn’t figured it out yet. They have kept it under wraps so that the FBI wouldn’t come in and take it. Will is pissed and is demanding it be turned over to the BAU. That doesn’t even include the ones that might be out there that haven’t stepped forward because they think that they just got too drunk or are too ashamed. We were all there last night, Spencer. None of us saw you or JJ get drugged. This is on every one of us.”

Spencer leaned back and looked back out the window. It didn’t matter at all. He would just have to bide his time to escape and finish what he wanted to do. It didn’t matter that there were others. He had lost everything. No matter how Hotch was acting at that moment, using Jack to keep him from doing something to himself, Hotch hated him. Cheating was still cheating.

The car stopped, and Spencer moved to open his door. It wouldn’t open. Spencer looked at Aaron.

“I have the child locks on, Spencer and the window won’t roll down to allow you out. Jack buddy, Jessica is waiting for you. Why don’t you unbuckle and crawl up and out the front seat?”

Jack was slow to undo himself, and Spencer wanted to delay what was coming so he didn’t help him. He just kept his eyes on the sidewalk and the people passing by. It took Jack two minutes to finally get his booster seat unbuckled and for him to crawl in between the seats and out the front passenger side seat.

“Spencer. Look at me please,” Hotch asked, and his voice wasn’t the gruff voice of Agent Hotchner. It was the voice that Spencer knew from evenings spent cuddled on a couch together. It was the soft voice of a half awake man who was happy to be where he was. Spencer felt that wall inside of him start to crack. He couldn’t let that happen. Spencer shook his head back and forth, closing his eyes but it didn’t help. His memory was the worst thing at the moment. The look on Hotch’s face that morning was blending with the looks that Hotch gave him every other morning.

Spencer unbuckled his seatbelt and brought his knees up to his chest. He ignored the sound of the car door opening, hoping that Hotch would just leave him alone or just open his door and let him leave. Spencer hid his face in his legs, his arms around tightly around his knees, holding himself taut. The sound of his door opening had Spencer wanting to look over, but when he felt a body dropping in beside him, he knew that it wasn’t going to happen. He didn’t look, not wanting to see Hotch’s soft and caring face.

“Spencer, there is a lot of things that we need to talk about, but first I need to tell you how sorry I am for this morning. I can give you excuses until I am blue in the face, but nothing actually justifies the fact that I didn’t listen to you. I didn’t trust you. I didn’t even look at what was around me or what I knew of you.” Hotch laid a hand on Spencer’s linked hands, and when Spencer jerked to try and get away, Hotch lifted the hand back, but Spencer could still feel him right there. “You had the unthinkable happen to you, and I was a careless asshole. I could see how upset you were, but I didn’t care. I saw that I had another person that I loved cheat on me. No matter the fact that you are gay and it was obviously a woman in your bed. You deserve a lot better than that. Someone who will listen to you but I can’t let you hurt yourself. You are the strongest person that I know, and right now things look bleak, but you have people who love you. I know that JJ doesn’t blame you. She was frantic when she called me. I could tell that she didn’t really want to be talking to me, but still, she did because she loves you. No matter what happened last night, she still loves you. Henry loves you, and Jack loves you. Jessica cares a great deal for you and for as long as you want to stay with her, you can. Jack knows only that you were hurt last night and he only knows that because he overheard JJ calling me. He wants to make you feel better. I hadn’t told him about what happened this morning because as soon as the anger left me, I knew that I had done something monumentally stupid.”

Hotch took a deep breath. Spencer had never heard him say that much unless he was giving a briefing on a case or he was teaching.

“I will understand if you don’t want to still be in a relationship with me and I know that if you do, we have a lot of work that we have to do. I didn’t realize how much Haley cheating on me had affected me until I was blinded by rage. I never meant to hurt you that way, and I am sorry. If I could redo this morning, there are a lot of things that I would change about it all. I want to talk with you, a true talk before any decision is made unless you never want me to touch you again.”

Spencer didn’t say anything even as the silence stretched. He didn’t have anything that he wanted to say. Words were all well and good, but Hotch was just reacting to what had happened. He hadn’t thought about it enough to make a decision on what he wanted, and neither had Spencer. He needed time to think.

“Now, I’m going to step back from the car, and I know that I would feel better if you would go inside and spend the rest of the afternoon with Jack. Maybe a little later, Henry could come over, and you can spend some time with him. Jessica has already agreed that she won’t tell anyone where you are unless you ask for them to come over.” The sound of feet scuffing on the sidewalk had Spencer moving. He untucked his legs from his body and moved out of the car. He didn’t look over at where Hotch was standing but instead walked towards the doorway. No guard was waiting at the front desk, but Jessica and Jack were standing by the elevator and in Jessica’s hand was a cup of coffee. Spencer’s stomach rumbled just loud enough that in the silence of the foyer of the apartment building, Jessica and Jack could both hear it.

“It’s a good thing that I had plans to make a lot of mac and cheese, huh, Jack? Sounds like Spencer just might eat all of it.” Jessica was smiling, and as Spencer got close to her, she handed over the cup of coffee and made sure not to touch him. Spencer pushed the thought down that it was because he was a rapist. There was no way that she knew that. No matter what Hotch would never tell her that. And it wasn’t because he had been raped, for the same reason. She had been one of the few that had always respected his boundaries and never touched him unless he started it. “Well, even if he does, I’ll just make more, but I bet we can get him to share some.”

“Yup,” Jack said.

“I don’t know, I really like macaroni and cheese. I might eat all of it,” Spencer said putting a smile on his face even though he didn’t feel it. The look on Jessica’s face was sad, but Spencer knew that it was only because she hated to see people hurting and there was no way to look at him and not see the hurt. “Thank you for the coffee.”

“You are welcome. I figure that you haven’t had any yet. Aaron said you were just released.”

“Yes, they didn’t like to give me anything with caffeine.” Spencer took a large drink of his coffee. It was made just the way that he liked to drink it. It was from a place close to Jessica’s that Spencer had been in before as it was near a good rare book dealer for the city. The elevator doors opened, and they stepped inside. Spencer didn’t look up at all. He didn’t want to see Hotch.

“Well, I’m more than willing to supply your caffeine habit as long as you don’t mind plain old brewed coffee for the rest of the day.”

“You know I don’t care at all.” Jessica smiled at him, and that smile made Spencer feel queasy. He wasn’t worthy of a smile. He didn’t deserve it. Spencer looked away from her, but he could see the smile fall off of her face as he did. Spencer didn’t feel sorry for it. Just because Hotch lied to him about what he was feeling, probably out of guilt for not seeing the truth that morning but there was no way that the man wanted to ever touch him again. Spencer didn’t want to touch himself. The elevator started to move, and Spencer settled down a little. Hotch wasn’t going to be able to open the doors.

“Do you mind if I take a shower?” Spencer asked.

“Not at all. Aaron dropped off a go bag of yours. Said that Dave found it in the office.”

“Thanks. I’m going to do that before I eat. I want to wash the hospital stink off of myself.”

“I understand.”

When the doors opened, no one said anything, not even Jack as the trio made their way to the door that led into Jessica’s single bedroom apartment. There was a pullout couch that Spencer figured he would be sleeping on. It was off to the side and wasn’t part of the main area of the living room. It stayed open most of the time as Jessica liked to sit on there and do some of her computer work when she was sick of sitting at the desk in her bedroom. Jessica opened the door, her and Jack moved into the apartment first, and Spencer followed behind. The first thing that he saw was his go bag on the arm of the couch in the living room area. After that that the fold out bed was made up with Jessica’s linens. Spencer turned to her.

“No, there is no debate. Jack’s going to sleep on the couch, I have the pull out bed, and you mister are taking the bedroom that has a door that locks. I may only know what Aaron felt safe telling me, but I watched as Aaron was talking to you. You were standoffish, and he never touched you. He always touches you. Even Jack hasn’t touched you. Whatever happened to you was horrible, and you need to feel safe and asleep in a living room, is not it. So if you are staying here tonight, you are sleeping in the bedroom.”

Spencer didn’t know what to say to that, so he remained silent. He grabbed his go bag and moved back to the bedroom, where the shower was. Spencer locked the bathroom door as soon as he entered it. Spencer looked around and found that it looked the same as the last time that Spencer had been in it, one day when Aaron had brought Spencer along to pick up Jack after they got in late from a case. Jack had been so happy to see Spencer, Hotch had been amused at the way the boy had clung to Spencer. There wasn’t going to be any more of that after today.

The shower didn’t take long to warm up to where steam started to roll. Spencer looked at himself in the mirror and watched it start to fog up. He dug around in his go bag for his razor but found it gone from his shaving kit. Hotch had dropped it off before he had gone to find Spencer, why would he have taken it out before then? Spencer wondered how long Aaron had known that Spencer had raped JJ.

Spencer dug around in the cabinet under the sink for at least one of Jessica’s razors but what he found a straight razor kit. Spencer frowned but remembered Jessica talking about her last boyfriend and how thick his beard came in. Spencer clutched the razors to his chest. He forced himself to set them down and strip naked. Spencer checked the lock on the door as he dropped the last piece of clothing to the floor.

Time lost all meaning as Spencer washed in the hottest water that he could stand. He used almost half of Jessica’s bottle of body wash trying to get himself clean. He didn’t feel clean, and he didn’t know what to do to make himself feel clean. There were no thoughts in Spencer’s head as he grabbed the pack of blades. He grabbed one of them and set the rest down on the edge of the bathtub. Spencer sat down on his ass on the edge of the tub and looked at the blade and to his arm and back.

Spencer closed his eyes as he felt the pain from the blade on his arm. The pain was overwhelming as Spencer dug the blade in just a little farther into his skin. When he reached the edge of his skin that he could reach, he opened his eyes, and the starkness of the blood on his upper arm as it ran down threw Spencer out of his euphoria. His mind flashed to blood all over hands and everywhere in the bedroom, to a young boy crying as he was held by his father because his mother wasn’t coming back.

The blade clattered to the bottom of the tub and Spencer slid off the side of the tub onto the cool floor of the bathroom. He just barely reached over to unlock the door with his good arm. The door was harder to open, but he did it.

“JESSICA!” Spencer yelled, and he slammed the door shut, bracing it with his foot. He knew Jack would follow his aunt after the yell, but Spencer knew that he wouldn’t be able to clean up the wound on his own. The sound of two sets of running feet came down the hall. “Jack go back to the living room, please.”

“Ok,” Jack said, but his voice was so sad. Spencer didn’t feel bad about it. Jack didn’t need to see the blood. Spencer looked down and realized that he had never even attempted to stop the blood flow with anything.

“He’s gone,” Jessica said, and Spencer scooted back over to where he was leaning against the bathtub. There were drops of blood all over the floor of the bathroom.

“I’m naked, but you can come in.”

The door pushed open slow, and Jessica peeked her head around. The look of horror on her face when she saw the blood and Spencer’s arm was shameful to Spencer. He looked away from her. There were no words as he listened to her move around. Spencer was shocked when she reached over him and took the blade from where it had landed. Spencer heard the rest of the shaving kit being picked up and put back together. The door opened again, and he heard it being tossed out of the room. The door shut and locked. Spencer still didn’t look at her. The small cabinet door was opened. The sound of a bottle being set down on the lid of the toilet. A first aid kit was set down in Spencer’s eye line on the floor right at his hip. Water turned on, and Spencer listened as Jessica wrung out a rag before setting it on Spencer’s thigh. Jessica crouched right beside him and lifted his cut arm carefully to set it on the side of the tub on top of a towel. Spencer turned his head that way and watched as she carefully cleaned the blood from around the wound with the wet rag before she used gauze to clean the wound itself with peroxide. Spencer didn’t even feel any pain from it.

Jessica was careful about making sure not to rip open the cut, but Spencer knew that it was going to hurt when his numbness was gone. He watched as the wound oozed a little blood around the antibacterial cream as Jessica set about wrapping gauze around it. Each layer hid the blood stain a bit better, but it also soaked through as she brought it back around. Jessica taped the gauze down. She used the rag to clean up the drops that Spencer didn’t even realize were all over his chest before she finally spoke.

“Stand up so I can clean this all up. Do not leave this room,” Jessica’s words were sharp but not with anger but fear.

“As I looked down at my arm, all I could see was that day. Hotch with blood all over his hands from beating Foyet. All I could hear was Jack crying. I stopped. I was going to keep going, but I stopped. I’m sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for?” Jessica asked, her voice softer.

“That I did this.”

“No, you are apologizing because you weren’t strong enough to go through with what you thought at the time. Spencer, I don’t know what happened, but when Aaron told me to make sure that everything sharp was out of the bathroom, I did it because he asked but I never thought that he could have been right. I forgot about the razor kit under the sink but the fact that you found it meant you were looking for something. Thank you for not letting Jack see this.”

“I…” Spencer closed his mouth. “I raped JJ, Jessica.”

“Now, there is probably truth in that, but the fact that Aaron is allowing you around me and Jack means that there is more. So tell me everything because you obviously need to talk about this if you just blurted that out. Why don’t you get dressed? I’ll help you with your shirt.”

Spencer looked down and realized that he was still naked. He looked up at Jessica’s face for the first time, seeing so much concern in those eyes. He nodded and pushed himself to his feet and moved over to the sink, where his bag was. He found pants and underwear and slipped them on before grabbing one of his long sleeved t-shirts that he usually slept in at the bottom. He slipped his bad arm into the sleeve before doing the same with his other arm, one handed he slipped the shirt up and his head through the hole. Jessica was right there helping him pull the shirt down.

“Stubborn,” Jessica said fondly. She gently pushed him out of the way and started to rinse out the blood covered rag in the sink before she dropped it and the larger towel that only had a few blood drops on it into the hamper. When she was done, Spencer realized that she had already put up the first aid kit. “Now tell me.”

Spencer shook his head no.

“Did you and JJ have sex?” Jessica asked. Spencer turned his head to look away from her, not able to take the caring look in her eyes. He wasn’t worth caring for. He didn’t need her pity. The silence stretched for several minutes, and Spencer counted it by the beating of his heart, he could feel it in his throat. “Fine, you don’t want to talk, you don’t have to. If you want to go to the bedroom, that’s fine. I’ll bring you food, but you had better eat it. I don’t care if you puke it up because you can’t take it but you are going to try and eat. I am not above treating you like Jack if I have to.”

Jessica opened the bathroom door and picked up the shaving kit before Spencer could even turn to look. He went right to the bed and laid down. There were clean linens on the bed, but Spencer didn’t care as he wrapped himself up in the comforter on top. He shut out all light. He had to make plans, and he needed to make them as soon as possible. He could fake being better and hope that he could fool Jessica enough for her to convince Hotch to let him leave. He could sign his resignation papers and hand them over to Strauss before leaving. He’d head home to Vegas and find a job there and live. Far away from everyone that he had hurt.

General plans made, Spencer started to think about the minute details. The one needed to make sure that he had enough time to do all he wanted when he finally made his escape.

Shattered Dream scene separator

Aaron didn’t want to go into Spencer’s apartment. Thankfully the MPD had done a wonderful job of crime scene photographs and evidence collection. Will’s partner was the lead detective after the other had been removed after making sure it didn’t come up on the FBI’s radar. The round table room was full of files on the suspects and witnesses from each of the locations.

“Hotch, why are we taking this case?” Morgan asked.

“Because after last night we are up to five pairs of victims of rape.”

“Give it to one of the other teams.”

“Last night?” Dave asked.

“Yes. Underneath all of our noses, Reid and JJ were dosed with Rohypnol and scopolamine. They were in the hospital for rape kits and blood workups.”

“And they don’t remember anything with that bit of drugs in their system,” Prentiss pointed out.

“No.”

“So we have DNA of the rapist?” Garcia asked.

Aaron closed his eyes. “That’s where the case gets really uncomfortable. Yes, we have DNA of both rapists as neither JJ or Reid consented to sex with each other.”

“Each…Fuck.” Dave letting out the cuss word was shocking just as the rest of the faces of the team when they looked.

“Yes. They were drugged and given the suggestion of sex. I don’t know if in their state they thought they were each other’s significant other or what as they have no memory but JJ and Reid are each other’s rapist and rape victim. This is why the detective who caught the case were loathe to let it go, but in the end, he was forced as everyone who knows now agrees that we are the best to handle this. Garcia, I need you to find the digital trail of JJ and Reid from the second they entered the club until they walked into Reid’s apartment. The apartment owner is sending the tapes of the foyer for the place as well as all other entrances. The club owner is sending you links to access their online backups of everything that is recorded. Find all other cameras along their way home.”

“Where are JJ and Reid?” Dave asked.

“JJ is at home with Will and Henry and Reid is safe with a friend.”

“Hotch, that isn’t going to cut it.”

“Morgan, he doesn’t want anyone flocking around him. He wants distance.”

“Last time we gave him the distance, he nearly spiraled into a drug habit that he might not have been able to stop.”

“And he’s being cared for and watched. I have contact with the person that has him.”

“Where is Reid’s boyfriend?” Prentiss asked.

Aaron looked over at Prentiss. While there were those that knew that Spencer had someone, Spencer had kept everyone away from it. He only ever mentioned his partner or his lover. Never giving a sex to the identity. For Prentiss to guess that he had to have talked to her about more than he did anyone else.

“Reid’s boyfriend is a nonentity. I have already cleared his alibi, and both he and Reid would rather keep him out of this.”

“That’s a lot of consideration from you, Hotch.”

“Reid’s already going through hell, Morgan. What do you suggest? I did as he asked. I won’t make his life harder. The boyfriend is cleared.”

“Where was he?” Morgan asked.

“At his home with his son. Cameras on the building confirm that he never left his apartment.” While it was a minor twisting of the truth, but it would prove that if it was forced to be brought up. The cameras would demonstrate that he hadn’t left until he went into Spencer’s building. It was going to come out soon enough, there was footage of him going into Spencer’s apartment building and then JJ and Reid leaving to go to the hospital right after that. By then hopefully, Aaron would be able to talk to Spencer.

The vibration of his phone had Aaron looking down at it. It was from Jessica.

He found a straight razor kit that I forgot about. He was going for self-harm and not suicide. Aaron’s heart plummeted to his stomach.

“Dave I need to talk to you, alone. Prentiss, Morgan, go to the club and figure out who was there and if anyone remembers anyone paying attention to Reid and JJ more than anyone else.”

Prentiss nodded and stood up, pulling Morgan with her. Garcia grabbed her laptop, leaving the room, pulling the door shut behind her.

“We need statements from JJ and Reid.”

“You take Reid, and I’ll take JJ.”

“That’s not…” Aaron pursed his lips and dropped his head into his hands. “I would prefer if you take care of both.”

“Getting them at the same time would be faster.”

“Neither JJ nor Reid want to talk to me. JJ is at home and Reid is at Jessica’s.”

“Why is Reid at Jessica’s?”

“Dave, who does Reid love more than anyone else in this world?”

“His mother, Henry, and JJ.”

“He’s hung up on the fact that he raped JJ. He’s not even worried about the fact that he has been violated at all. He hurt one of the people he loves more than anyone else in this world. What I tell you cannot leave this room. When you interview Reid, you cannot say to him that I have told you any of this.”

“Of course.”

“He slipped away from Will and JJ at the hospital. They were going to take him home with them, but he got away. JJ called me because she figured that I would know where he was going. I found him, thankfully before he did anything stupid. I scared the dealer he used years ago to score Dilaudid into not selling to him. I told him that I would leave him alone if he never sold to him and called me when Reid showed up. Of course, Reid showed up while I was there. Reid is not happy with me, but I used the fact that Jack was in the car to get him to go with me. I had planned on taking him to Jessica’s and using her and Jack to keep him from doing anything stupid. Jessica pulled everything sharp from the bathroom, but he found a razor kit that Jessica had forgotten was buried under the bathroom sink. He didn’t try and kill himself, but he did self-harm. I don’t know the location.”

“You said the boyfriend is cleared. So why is Reid not wanting to be with him?” Dave asked. Aaron knew the smirk that was on Dave’s face. Aaron snorted and shook his head. “What did you do?”

“After I left early last night, I had planned on picking him up and going to a quick breakfast before work. I let myself in when he didn’t answer on the first knock. Sometimes he sleeps like the dead. I didn’t know that JJ had gone home with him because she felt too drunk to get home safely and Spencer’s apartment was in walking distance. All I saw was that Spencer came out into the living room naked and there was a woman in his bed. I didn’t know that it was JJ until much later but by then I had already done the damage of breaking up with him in the worst way possible and not even letting him talk.”

“Have you told him this?”

“I told him that I am sorry and that it was all anger talking but Dave when I slipped in to see him in the hospital, just seeing me freaked him out to where he had to be sedated. By the time that I stopped him from scoring, he had settled into anger in reaction to me. I don’t care about the relationship, even though I don’t want it to end. He needs help and to see that what happened is not his fault. He needs to talk, and he needs to talk to someone who cares. He needs to speak to JJ but until he settles down forcing her on him will only make him worse.”

“I’ll stop and talk to JJ first. I’ll call and make sure that she knows that I am on the way. I won’t force Reid to talk to me either. I’ll call Jessica’s after I get done with JJ and ask her to ask him.”

“Okay. And I don’t expect you to reveal the more intimate details that are found out from either of them in the casework. You’ve done this long enough that you know what is needed and what isn’t.”

“Aaron, we will get them through this. I promise.”

Shattered Dream scene separator

JJ settled into the bed after Rossi left. She wasn’t a lot of help, and she knew that was from the drugs. Her last memories of the night before were long before they left the club. She could remember being cuddled up to Spencer most of the evening, but after that, it was all a blur until she was waking up naked in his bed.

“Jennifer?” Will called out as he nudged open the door. JJ rolled over in bed to look at him. She smiled at him and motioned for him to come inside. Will took a seat on the end of the bed. The team knew about the case and the vague details of what happened. Everything had happened to quick for them to even attempt to keep it quiet. JJ was worried about seeing the rest of the team.

Hotch had chosen well on sending Rossi to be the one to interview her and from what Rossi had said he was headed to where Hotch had stashed Spencer after finding him. He had been vague on the details and made sure that JJ knew that Hotch was keeping him hidden to protect Spencer, but she wanted to see him. She didn’t blame Spencer, and she didn’t want him to feel like he had done something bad. She had raped him as much as he had raped her. There was only a single person to blame for what was going on in their lives, and it was solely at the feet of the UnSub who had drugged them.

Will had in his hand the small bag with a single pill inside of it. The doctor had given it to her to discuss with Will before taking it. It was the morning after pill because what the CSU team had found was that there were no used condoms inside the apartment. Not from last night. There had been one in the trash in the bathroom, but it was at least a week old. The CSU team had collected it but not run any scans on it, waiting to see if Spencer remembered who he used it with. Will had said that his partner was going to be discreet on that aspect given that they were both sure that Hotch was the boyfriend that Spencer had been hiding.

“I don’t want to take it. I…we’ve been trying for so long, and we have been having sex every other day, and I am ovulating, and we had sex the night before. I can’t, Will.”

“What if he’s the father?”

“I did some looking on my phone, and there is a paternity test that can be done after the eighth week if I am pregnant. If Spencer’s the father, we can talk about that when it comes time, but I can’t risk the thought that if could be our baby inside of me and I kill them. I know that right now it’s not a them, but it’s been a year since…” JJ stopped talking and swallowed. “I can’t.”

“Okay. That’s fine, Jayje. That’s fine. This is about you and what you want. You have talked to Spencer more about children and such. I know that right now he is not in a good place, but I say that we wait until we do the paternity test before we even talk to him about it.”

“I agree. I don’t like lying to Spencer, but if we find out it’s not his, then we can never speak of it and tell him that we had confirmed the pregnancy just before this all happened. If it’s his, we can cross that bridge.”

“You think he might want it?” Will asked.

“I won’t abort the child unless he doesn’t want the child at all. If there is a slim chance that he might, I will carry them for him. He adores Henry, and I know that his genes freak him out but Will, he’s going to need something. He lost his boyfriend because of this.”

“I still want to bash his brains in. To leave-” Will stood up from the bed and started to pace. He moved to the ensuite and when he came back his hand was empty. JJ wondered what he did with the pill, but she wasn’t going to ask. JJ watched him pace around the room for a few minutes before she stood up and moved to intercept him. As long as she was the one to start the touches, she was all right with touching. Will had scared her once by coming up behind her and touching her hair.

“Will?”

“I’m here for you, and he has no one, and because of what Hotch did, he’s not letting anyone in at all. I don’t like Hotch at the moment. You told me when Spencer figured out that no amount of brains had him like a female. For him to be in a bed with a naked female, there has to be something wrong. If I were to walk into this house and find you naked in bed with a female, my first thought is going to drugs. Hotch is supposed to be this great big profiler, but he was stupid this morning, and Spencer is the one that is hurting because of it, and it pisses me off.”

“Wow,” JJ said.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, I just have never heard you rant for that long before unless it’s sports related.” JJ smiled at her boyfriend, and he gave her a weak smile back. It wasn’t that hard to understand what he was talking about though. JJ had been there for the revelation from Spencer that he was utterly gay. He’d tried after Lila Archer years before. He had found several women over the years that intrigued him, but nothing ever came of it. For Spencer to start a relationship with Hotch after everything that both of them had endured in their lives, Spencer had to have really liked him, and no matter of begging was going to fix the relationship quickly. Spencer was going to be skittish on the best of days. It had taken a lot for Spencer and JJ to get back to where they had been before the Prentiss debacle. They were back to an excellent spot, and this happened. “Spencer has never had sex with a woman before. Even if he’s gay, having a sexual encounter with a sexual partner that one is not attracted to and it happen by drugging, even if he doesn’t remember it, it’s going to come back and bite him in the ass. I’m dealing as best as I can. I’m separating the fact that I was raped from the fact that Spencer did it. He never would have if we both were drugged. My rapist is out there. He is the one that did this, but Spencer is having trouble with that. He’s not able to separate himself from the role of rapist, and you know that even when he was muttering to himself he never once brought up that he had been raped. It’s like he’s blocking that out and focusing on the fact that he is a rapist.”

“The courts are going to have a hard time with this one. The fact that Spencer is gay might actually help the case a lot. Because what would have had to have been done to him drug wise to make him have sex with a woman besides the fact that you and he are like siblings.”

“But there is the date we went on years ago,”

“Yeah and nothing happened. You kissed his cheek at the end of it, and things start to turn into what it is now. However, there might be an issue that his boyfriend might be brought in to testify.”

“That’s something that can be worried about when it happens. The BAU might not even be able to take him in alive. I don’t understand what this guy gets from making two people who are not in a relationship fuck.”

“The fallout?” Will asked as he finally moved back to the bed and sat down on the end of it. JJ walked around to where her head was on his lap. Will started to card his hand through her hair, making her feel safe. Henry was in his room playing.

“What do you mean?”

“No place has a line of sight to Spencer’s bedroom, and no one was there besides the two of you. The hall camera caught no one coming or going until Hotch came this morning. He wasn’t watching but what if he follows one or both of the victims. Watches them and watches their lives fall apart or maybe it’s the breaking of the friendship that he wants. He sees a male and a female being friends and wants to destroy that. You two were pretty friendly without it being sexual last night according to what my partner is telling me. There was a couple in the bar that was there for their first night out post-baby, and you and Spencer regaled them with stories about Henry. They listened to it all before leaving to go home early to their baby. The bartender told us about that one.”

“The team is going to find out about Hotch and Spence,” JJ said, she really wished that she could stop that from happening. There was no way though. Garcia would be all over the footage and so wouldn’t the team if something was found. There was no way to hide Hotch going to Spencer’s apartment that early in the morning. “Morgan is going to want to kill Hotch.”

“I think for once I am going to say that I get my piece of flesh first, love. I want to make sure he knows exactly what I think of him. I don’t have to work with him, thankfully, Morgan is bound by what he thinks Hotch would allow.”

“I think Hotch would allow a lot at the moment. He seemed pretty run down when I talked to him last when he called to tell me that Rossi was on his way over to do the interview.”

“But that would hurt Spencer no matter what he’s feeling. He feels too much as it is. I just want to give him a verbal tongue lashing,” Will admitted. He turned JJ’s head to where she was looking up at him. “If you do get pregnant from Spencer and he wants the child. I would support you all the way for doing a surrogacy for him. You’d do it for him no matter what if he had found someone else and they wanted a child. This one might not be planned and it might be the worst circumstances in the world, but Spencer would never harm the child for his or her manner of conception. He’d love that child no matter what, and maybe, if he can’t forgive Hotch for what he did, a kid would help him.”

“Are you sure Will? You really wanted a baby for you and me.”

“And we will have that. We have time. You aren’t an old woman. It would be what a year before we could try again and in that time, we could get in some good practice.”

“You…” JJ laughed, and she knew it was what Will wanted. There would be a lot of issues over the next while, touches that would freak her out, things that she wouldn’t be able to do with him but as long as she had laughter, everything would work out. “I love you, William LaMontagne.”

“And I love you, Jennifer Jareau.”

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Spencer knew that someone had arrived at the apartment. He didn’t go to the door to listen in, but he heard the echo of the knock and Jack’s loud greeting of whoever it was. It probably wasn’t Hotch, but that left the team. There were several options of who Hotch would send to get what little they could out of him. He curled into a ball a little tighter and willed it all away. He just had to get through until the case was over. He wouldn’t be allowed to leave the area until it was done. He was a witness and a Federal agent. He didn’t want to leave until all of his tests came back anyway. The HIV/AIDS test wasn’t perfectly accurate at gauging if he had been infected, but given that his last test had been fine, they only had to wait to make sure that JJ wasn’t. Since she and Will had Henry and were actively trying to have a kid, Spencer was certain that she was safe as well, but there was still the threat of it. Unprotected sex was scary if one was raped and JJ had to be feeling horrible.

The knock on the bedroom door wasn’t unexpected, but it still made Spencer jump. He didn’t say that the person could enter. He really didn’t know who he wanted it to be other than he knew that he didn’t want it to be Morgan. He could handle Prentiss, and he could handle Rossi. He really wanted it to be Rossi though. He was a good person to talk to, to stay calm while interviewing.

“Reid?” Rossi called out. Spencer’s heart leaped to his throat, but he still didn’t move at all. “Look, we can do this whenever you want, but I’ve got Jessica out here with macaroni and cheese and Jack’s waiting on you to eat.”

Spencer knew that it wasn’t a push for him go out there and join them but just telling him the facts. Spencer wasn’t hungry, but he was aware that he should eat. Jack would want to see him too. He had been looking forward to spending the day with the boy. Maybe if he ate something and relaxed with Jack for a few, he could talk about it. Then afterward maybe he could talk the kid into coming into the bedroom and watching a movie with him. Jack loved to watch movies, and he loved to cuddle while doing it. Jack wouldn’t know of the taint on him and wouldn’t be afraid of touching him. Not like Hotch had been. Hotch hadn’t even wanted to be in the same room as him after he had figured out what Spencer had done. Spencer stood up from the bed and moved over to unlock the door. Rossi didn’t open it as soon as it clicked. He waited. Spencer made the decision that he should talk first so that he didn’t throw up the food.

“You can come in,” Spencer called as he moved back to the bed. He settled onto the bed again, laying on his side. Spencer grabbed the blanket again and covered himself up all the way. Only his face was visible. Rossi sat down on the floor and Spencer was kind of shocked by that. He could only see the older agent’s head above the bed.

“I know that you are having a shitty day, Reid but do you need anything? Is there anything that I can do to make you feel better? I’ll do anything in my power.”

“I want to get this over with and then eat dinner.”

“Okay. Jessica is waiting for you to make lunch. She gave Jack a snack. He’ll be held off for a little while with that, but you know that Jack won’t let it go.”

“He is a lot like his father.”

“Why don’t we start at the beginning of the night?”

“When?”

“You arrived with Aaron at the club. You said that since you were going to walk home, you didn’t see the harm in bumming a ride.”

“I-” Spencer closed his mouth. He wasn’t sure what Rossi knew.

“Aaron told me about the relationship, Reid. He gave me just vague details, but I figured out enough to know that he did something stupid this morning. I am not going to defend him.”

“He said that he wanted a few minutes alone with me. We rode to the club in silence. It was nice. When we got there, I didn’t do much at all except stay at the table and talk. I drank the regular three glasses of wine. I don’t remember much after my third one. I don’t remember much other than that.”

Spencer allowed Rossi to try and work him back through the night, but everything went blank after Spencer started to drink his third glass of wine.

“You and JJ start to go blank after the same drink. It’s the one that was spiked. We have narrowed that down so we can work out who had access to the drinks from then. You and she drank different things, so it wasn’t like someone spiked a bottle of stuff. Garcia broke down the drinks you guys had, and unless they were made wrong, there was nothing that crossed over.”

“I’m sorry I can’t be more help. With my-”

Rossi interrupted. “Your perfect memory doesn’t do any good when drugs are involved. Your brain reacts the same way as everyone else. The only thing that is going to help us is videos from your case and all of the others. No matter what the UnSub will have messed up once.” Rossi stood up from the chair and moved closer to the bed. Spencer scooted back. Afraid of Rossi but Rossi kept moving to where he was sitting on the corner of the bed closest to Spencer. “Reid, I know that this isn’t my place but this…you need support, and I know that I’ve not been on this team as long as everyone else, but your rock has always been the same person. From what I hear it’s always been, Aaron. You are here in Jessica’s place, and you’ve not let her or Jack in. You need to let Aaron in.”

“He doesn’t want me. He says the words, but he left me.”

“Aaron stated that he is sorry for leaving you this morning in your apartment.”

“No in the hospital. He left me. He ran away. He doesn’t want me. I’m different, I’m tainted, and he doesn’t want me.” Spencer pulled the blanket up over his head, and he listened as Rossi left the room, but he didn’t pull the door shut.

Spencer was tempted to get up, he debated on it for a while. Never getting the gumption to leave his little safety net. Finally, when the thought of someone just entering the room and he not knowing it, Spencer made up his mind to get up but before he could he heard small feet. The feet came near the bed and then went away again. Three more times Jack’s feet came close before leaving again and then on the fifth time that the feet came close, Jack crawled up into the bed. Jack’s hands lifted up the blanket from Spencer’s head.

“Aunt Jessica usually doesn’t let me eat in bed, but she said that she would make an exception if I ate with you.” Jack laid the blanket all the way back away from Spencer’s head. “I brought in your bowl of mac and cheese and mine and two glasses of milk. One big and one small. And the chocolate sauce if you want chocolate milk. Aunt Jessica says you aren’t happy and chocolate milk makes me happy.”

“Thank you, Jack. I’m not that hungry, but I’ll try and eat.” Spencer sat up on the bed and wrapped the blanket around him. Jack stared at him until he picked up Jack’s bowl of macaroni and cheese with fork and Spencer grabbed his own that had a spoon. Spencer was afraid that if he ate, he’d puke but he didn’t want to disappoint Jack.

“Dad always tells me to eat what I think I can.”

Spencer’s heart ached.

“I remember that buddy.”

Jack smiled at him but dug into his own food. Spencer ate a few bites before taking a drink of his milk. He frowned before placing the bowl of food in the V of his legs from sitting with them crossed. He grabbed the chocolate sauce, placed how much he wanted in the glass, and picked up the spoon as he sat the sauce back down. Jack grabbed it and poured some into his glass. Spencer stirred his up before he stirred up Jack’s as well.

“You can lick the spoon.” Spencer handed it over, and Jack licked it clean. Jack was easy. He just wanted to be close. He just wanted to know that he was safe. Spencer had no clue why he felt safe with Spencer. Jessica was thankfully close by if he needed her. He had no clue if Rossi was still there or not. He really didn’t care.

“Why aren’t you happy, Spencer?”

Spencer had no clue how to answer that. Usually, if Spencer wasn’t happy and the boy knew it, he or Hotch told him that a case had made him sad. But this wasn’t a case. Or it was a case, but the case wasn’t one that he was working on. Spencer just hoped that Jack would be distracted by food. The little boy though just stared at him. Spencer closed his eyes, willing the little bit that he had eaten and drunk to stay down.

“Spencer is upset because one of the bad guys hurt him,” Hotch said from the doorway. Spencer looked up at him, and the urge to hide was there. To protect himself. He could see Hotch telling him that morning that it was over. That Hotch didn’t want him anymore.

“Where?” Jack asked, and he looked at Spencer like he could look through his clothes and see where he was hurt. Jack reached forward to lift Spencer’s shirt, and Hotch near leaped across the room to stop him. Spencer only tensed up as Jack’s hand lifted the hem of his shirt a little bit. Hotch didn’t grab Jack and pull him away, he just tugged him, gently, into an upright position. Jack turned and frowned at his father. “He doesn’t look hurt.”

“Do you remember how you felt after George killed your mom?” Hotch asked.

Jack nodded and looked at Spencer again. “One of the bad guys killed your mom?”

“No, no, no.” Hotch picked up Jack, carefully holding the bowl that was in his hand still with one of his. “No, Jack. But that hurt that you feel, the UnSub made him feel like that.”

Jack turned around and pulled Hotch’s head down to where he could whisper in his ear except he didn’t speak low enough. “How can I make him feel better?”

“Just being here helps him. And I need you to help protect him. Stay here for him and just be nice.”

“I’m always nice,” Jack said.

Spencer started to play with his food, pushing it around inside the bowl, making sure not to look up.

“I know that you are. I need to talk to Spencer alone for a few minutes. It’s about the evil man who hurt him. I’ll help you get your things to the kitchen.” Hotch grabbed Jack’s chocolate milk and the spoon. Jack slipped off the bed with his bowl of macaroni and cheese held carefully in his hands. Spencer watched them leave. He waited until they were out of sight and he slipped off of the bed. Creeping slowly towards the door, Sensor peaked outside. The two of them were not insight. Spencer shut the door and locked it, sliding down the door. He didn’t know why Hotch was there. Hotch should be working. Hotch should be doing anything but being there. Where Spencer was, was supposed to be the last place he should want to be.

Spencer sat there, on the floor leaning against the door as panic started to set in. He inhaled and exhaled, inhaled and exhaled, several times before putting his head between his knees and breathing normally. He was almost calm when a knock came at the door.

“Spencer, may I come in?”

Why was Hotch calling him Spencer? Shouldn’t he be Reid? Like before. Before everything had become more. Before the short, and glorious, period where they were Aaron and Spencer. Spencer didn’t move. He just sat there. He hoped that Hotch would go away and send Rossi back if he had questions. There was nothing and then the scrape of shoes on carpet and a small grunt.

“I can see your shadow, Spencer. You are right here at the door. But that’s okay. We can talk right here. Dave pulled me from the case. He told me that I had somewhere else that I needed to be that was more important. He’s right. I trust our team to find these people, even if they are working three men down.”

Spencer didn’t know what to say to that, so he stayed silent. He could hear Hotch’s breathing on the other side of the door. Spencer turned so that he was leaning into the door from his side. He laid his hand down on the carpet.

“I’m not used to you being quiet. So I guess it’s my job to fill that silence. I hurt you this morning. I hurt you a great deal. I was callous and unthinking when I allowed my anger to dictate what I did. I didn’t listen to you, and I should have. I should have listened because I know you. You would never cheat on me. You would never hurt me that way. Dave read me the riot act over the phone.

“I did leave the hospital but not because I didn’t want to be around you. You saw me and freaked out. You fell off the bed, and I hadn’t really done anything at all. If seeing me caused you to hurt yourself, why would I want to stick around? You had Will, and you had JJ. I just…you looked at me and was scared. You have never looked scared of me. Even when I was kicking you in that damned ER. You weren’t scared. Even after it was all said and done. Instead, I felt hurt that you were freaked out about me. It was a tragedy of errors. You have been through so much, and I want to be here for you. In whatever capacity that you’ll allow me.”

Spencer felt something brush his finger on his hand that was on the carpet. He looked down and saw Hotch’s fingers had wiggled between the bottom of the door and his pinky was pressed into Spencer’s. Spencer stared at it for seven seconds before he lifted his pinky and kind of wrapped it around Hotch’s. The finger relaxed.

“I love you, Spencer and I hate that you are hurting right now. I hate that I am the cause of some of that pain.”

Letting go of Hotch’s hand, Spencer stood up. He watched as the hand under the door disappeared, but there was no sound of Hotch moving on the other side. Spencer unlocked and jerked the door open. Hotch was half up and he stopped, looking at Spencer. Spencer just stared at him, watching as Hotch looked at him carefully. When Spencer didn’t move or say anything for a full minute, Hotch stood up and reached out to touch. Spencer allowed the finger to trace down his cheek before he grabbed the hand and pulled. Hotch fell into the room more than stumbled. Spencer let go of his hand and stared at Hotch as the older man tried to get to his feet a little better.

“You love me?” Spencer asked. Looking at Hotch like he had never seen the man before. “You love me? You dare fucking say that you love me.” Spencer didn’t know where the emotions were coming from, but anger was right there under the surface. He didn’t feel the sadness anymore. Instead, all he could feel was righteous anger.

“Spencer,” Hotch started, but Spencer glared at him. Hotch snapped his mouth shut.

“Don’t you Spencer me. If you loved me, you wouldn’t have done what you did this morning. You let Haley parade around and cheat on you and never did anything. You even resigned from the BAU and put in a move to White Collar unit to save a marriage where your wife was cheating on you. And yet, you let anger rule you so much that you didn’t even pay attention to the woman in my bed. I have never lied to you. I woke up, and I felt so bad. The fucking cab driver knew there was something wrong with me.”

Hotch reached out and grabbed Spencer’s hands. Spencer hadn’t even realized that he was waving them around insanely. He didn’t like Hotch trying to control him. He jerked his hands out of Hotch’s and reached out and pushed Hotch back away from him.

“I LOVED YOU WITH EVERYTHING THAT I AM! I GAVE YOU ALL OF ME AND YOU THREW IT IN MY FUCKING FACE.” Spencer shoved Hotch again and then again. Hotch ran into the wall, and Spencer just kept pushing. Spencer clenched his fists and slammed them into Hotch’s shoulders. The man grunted, and Spencer just kept on hitting him. Hotch didn’t try and stop him. Spencer knew that he was hurting the man, but he couldn’t stop. All he could see was a faceless man laughing at him. Taunting him. He could see himself, raping JJ. The unidentified man grabbed him, and Spencer tried to fight away, but instead of harming him, the man pulled him into his body, holding him tightly but gently. Spencer struggled, trying to get away, to get away before the man hurt him but the man forced him down to the floor and into his lap. “LET ME GO! I didn’t mean to hurt her. LET ME GO!”

“Shush,” the man said, and a gentle kiss was placed on Spencer’s forehead. He tried to shove out of the man’s hold again, but he was stopped. Spencer tried to beat on the man, but the man just allowed it, holding onto his wrists and allowing his hands to crash into him over and over again. Spencer kept it up until his arms felt tired and he was worn out.

Spencer couldn’t breathe, his lungs were too small, and every breath hurt. The hands weren’t letting him go, and he just needed to run, he needed to get away. Finally, he was able to force a breath into his lungs. He inhaled, exhaled, and sobbed. He couldn’t stop. He felt the hot tears rolling down his face, and the hands on him gentled, even more, one still held onto him, but he felt the other start to rub down his back. Spencer curled into the man holding him and gave up trying to get away. He cried until he needed breathe and gulped the air in painfully. He slumped down into Aaron, remembering who was holding him at that moment. Aaron who said he loved him but hurt him worst than anyone ever had.

“I was raped,” Spencer said between sobs. Aaron didn’t stop rubbing his back, but the man exhaled loudly. Despite everything, he felt safe in Aaron’s arms. He could trust that the man had his back, but that’s from years of working together and had nothing to do with their personal or sexual relationship. The sobs lessened, and Spencer was only hiccuping slightly.

“Yes. God, yes you were Spencer.” Aaron’s hand came up and cupped the back of his head. His other wrapped around Spencer, putting pressure on his sore arm. Spencer hissed and jerked, nearly falling out of Aaron’s lap. “Spencer?”

“I wanted it to stop. The pain, the feelings I was feeling.” Spencer sat up a little straighter in Aaron’s lap he reached over and rolled up his sleeve. When Aaron realized what he was doing, the man helped him. Aaron’s fingers traced the bandage. When he leaned over to kiss it, Spencer tensed. Spencer watched Aaron trace the line of the blood under the gauze with a finger.

“Did it help?”

“No. All I could think about was the blood on your hands.” Spencer grabbed one of Aaron’s hands and drew it up to his face. He breathed over the knuckles that he remembered being bloody. “Jack seeing the blood and being reminded of his mother. See the bedroom. I wasn’t trying to kill myself. I just…I hurt.”

“I know you do.” Aaron moved his hand from Aaron’s arm to his head, tilting it back and pushing his face into Aaron’s neck. Spencer didn’t try and fight it. He settled in there and breathed. He hated that he felt so safe after feeling so unsafe all day. He closed his eyes and just laid there in Aaron’s arms, letting sleep claim him.

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“Daddy, why was Spencer yelling?” Jack asked as Aaron entered Jessica’s living room. Jack was laying on the pullout couch, a book propped in front of him.

“Spencer is feeling a lot of emotions, and sometimes the best way to get them out is to scream.”

“Jack was in the kitchen putting his things up, and water was running. He only heard the yelling. I heard everything.” Jessica didn’t look happy. Aaron moved into the kitchen, where she was cleaning up from where Jack had brought his bowl in. Aaron had grabbed Spencer’s, including his milk glass. Spencer hadn’t eaten a lot, but maybe after a short nap, he would feel like eating dinner. Aaron handed the items over and sat down on the stool that was pressed into the bar that separated the kitchen from the living room with an opening to see out into the other room.

“You knew there was a reason that I wasn’t going to stay. I ended being forced back by Dave.”

“Why did you have to be forced back?” Jessica asked. She turned around and handed over a cup of coffee. Aaron smiled his thanks and took a sip. It was the good stuff. Jessica’s one indulgence in life that Aaron gladly fulfilled as part of her recompense for watching Jack.

“I was an asshole this morning. I hurt Spencer in a way that I am pretty sure that he should never forgive me for. After I had found out what happened, I pushed myself into the case. If I could help with the case, Spencer would be able to rest. I could do something for him, even if I had hurt him. I could at least do that for him. However, after Dave came here and talked to Spencer, he was pretty sure that I was needed here more and given what I found when I came here, he was right.” Aaron lifted the cup up again and hissed as he felt the pull of the muscles in his shoulders. “Do you still have some of that cream for bruises from Jack’s soccer?”

“What happened?” Jessica took the cup from Aaron’s hands and set it down before she opened up the collar on Aaron’s shirt. Aaron tried to fight, but she glared at him, just like Haley had when he was stupid about wounds from the job and he stopped. “You are a little red, and I’m pretty sure that will bruise up. I thought you had no suspect?”

“Spencer was in the middle of a minor freakout. I don’t believe he realized it was me while stuck in it. He was trying to get away, and I wasn’t letting him go, so he started to cry and hit me, and I’ll take more than this to help him.”

“He’s going to be upset to see these.”

“That’s why he’s not going to.”

“Aaron, you look worse than after Haley died. You look worse than when you came by that first time after Haley left you.”

“He woke up with JJ in his bed and no memory of what happened. JJ knew she had sex and Spencer wasn’t sure until the testing was done and there was DNA on him. He was drugged and manipulated to rape JJ while she was the same and manipulated to rape him. I accused him of cheating on me. I was so pissed, and I let it blind me. I’m going to do everything that I can to make it up though.”

“Spencer isn’t acting like himself at all.”

“He’s lost for the first time ever. He knows, academically, that he couldn’t have stopped what happened. He knows that while he did rape JJ and JJ raped him, they were both drugged and not in control of their bodies. He doesn’t blame JJ, and he knows that JJ doesn’t blame him, but he feels guilty. He’s stated to the doctor what happened, but even the doctor said it was more like a cop restating facts than anything else. He’s finally admitted, to me, what happened and I think is finally processing it.”

“He was suicidal for a while wasn’t he?”

“Yes, he said that to me on the way over, after I asked you to remove all sharp things.”

“I forgot about the kit under the sink. It was from my last boyfriend.”

“I’m not blaming you. He didn’t try and kill himself with that. I never thought that he would idealize self-harm, but I don’t believe that it’s going to be an issue going forward. He was lost, and he’s found himself again.”

“Does JJ blame him?”

“No, and neither does Will. From what I gather from Dave, Will is thankful that Spencer took her home with him.” Aaron started to say more, but his phone went off. He looked at the text message and frowned.

“Aaron?”

“The full tox screen came back, and there were a few odd things in each of their systems. Aphrodisiacs.” Aaron kept his mouth shut on the other thing in Spencer’s system. Viagra. Aaron closed his eyes at that. He wanted to catch the UnSub who did this and kill him. It was the last piece of the puzzle needed on how the UnSub had got Spencer to have sex with a woman. Between the high concentrations of aphrodisiacs in their blood and the Viagra in Spencer’s the UnSub knew what he was doing. “I’m going to go and sit with him. I ate breakfast late, so I’ll just eat something when you fix dinner. I don’t want him waking up alone.”

“He’ll get through this, Aaron. You both will and you’ll both come out stronger for it.”

Aaron nodded, but he didn’t hold hope on the stronger. When Spencer had been yelling, he had been using past tense. He had loved Aaron with all he had. Had loved. Had. Loved. Aaron pushed himself to his feet. He drained the coffee in his cup and grabbed a bottle of pop from the fridge. Aaron would have liked coffee but was afraid that having it in the room with Spencer would wake him up. Aaron cracked the lid before he got into the room so that no sound would happen. There was just enough light from the curtains to where it was wasn’t fully far in the room.

Spencer was in bed in the same position he had been when Aaron had left him. Aaron turned to close the curtain a little more, make the room darker. When he was done, he turned around and saw that Spencer’s eyes were open but almost unseeing. Aaron moved away slowly out of Spencer’s line of sight. Aaron sat down on the floor at the end of the bed. He set his drink down beside him and just watched Spencer sleep. A nightmare was a given, no matter how much Spencer had tired himself out crying.

The first whimper came an hour later. Aaron was up and ready when Spencer cried out. Aaron didn’t touch, but he made shushing sounds.

“Aaron?!” Spencer cried out. He rolled on the bed onto his back and over to his other side. His left hand reaching out. When it only landed on the bed, Spencer curled into a ball and started to cry. Aaron laid his hand on the bed and inched it over. When Spencer didn’t react to a brush of his fingers, Aaron covered his arm. Spencer still didn’t react. It was hard for Aaron not to crawl into bed and hold him.

“Don’t go,” Spencer begged, even though Aaron didn’t move. Spencer curled a little more around Aaron’s hand. “Don’t leave me. I’ll do better. I’ll be better.”

“Oh, Spencer.” Aaron’s heart broke at the words. He left his hand where it was and crawled up onto the bed, climbing over Spencer and plastering himself along Spencer’s back, slipping his other arm under Spencer’s head. “You don’t need to be better. I love you. I’ll prove it to you.”

Spencer didn’t curl into a tighter ball, but he didn’t relax right away either. Instead, he just laid there. Aaron made sure the hold of his arms was loose enough that Spencer wouldn’t freak out but tight enough that Spencer knew he was there.

Despite everything, Aaron felt himself falling asleep.

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Spencer woke up warm, smelling Aaron all around him. He tried to roll over but found someone at his front and at his back. A deeper inhale and Spencer could smell Jack as well. The rush of the day came back to him, and he tried to escape the arms that held him. Aaron shouldn’t be in bed with him. He shouldn’t want to touch Spencer.

“Shhhhh,” Aaron whispered. Aaron’s head nuzzled in at Spencer’s neck. “I’ll let you go as soon as you calm down. You were having nightmares when I wasn’t holding you.”

Spencer settled down but even after Aaron laid his arm up on the pillow and pulled the other behind Spencer, Jack was still there, and the boy looked to be so peaceful in sleep that Spencer didn’t want to wake him.

“What time is it?”

“I think around seven. Jack came in around six and said that dinner would be at seven and neither he nor Jessica have come back.”

“Jacks asleep in front of me.”

Aaron shifted, and Spencer could feel his breath on the side of his neck. “Oh.”

“I need to get up. I need to move.” Spencer felt trapped. Aaron rolled away from his back and just as Spencer was about to sit up and scoot to the end of the bed to get off of it, Jack rolled over, settling into Spencer’s body. Spencer looked down at him. Jack looked so peaceful.

“Spencer?” Aaron asked as he rolled back over and looked at Spencer’s face over his shoulder. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll come around and move him.”

“No! No,” Spencer whispered. He settled down into the bed a little more and tucked Jack’s head under his chin. Jack loved Spencer, and no matter what, Jack loved him even with what had happened.

The door opened in front of Spencer and he looked up Jessica.

“Ten minutes until dinner,” Jessica whispered.

“Thanks, Jess,” Aaron said from behind Spencer. Jessica shut the door, and Aaron’s hand settled just above Spencer’s elbow. “I’ll wake up Jack. You can take the bathroom first. When we are done with dinner Jess, or I can take care of your cut. It could probably do with a dressing change.”

“You don’t have to stay,” Spencer said. He reached up and pushed the hair that had fallen over Jack’s eyes away. “I’m sure you want to get back to the case.”

“I am not going to lie and say that I don’t want to be working the case but Dave is right. I need to be here. I want to be here.”

“Jessica is watching me well enough.”

“It has nothing to do with watching you and everything to do with wanting to support you. It doesn’t have to do with thinking that you can’t do this on your own. I know that you can. You’ve always taken care of yourself. You always come out on top. But I want to be here for you. I want to help you through this because for once in your life you don’t have to do it all alone.”

Spencer didn’t know what to say to that. He was saved from answering by the ringing of Aaron’s phone. It was on the nightstand in front of him, and Spencer took hold of it, seeing it was Will, Spencer handed it over to Aaron.

“Hotchner,” Aaron said. He didn’t turn it on speaker, probably for the sake of Jack but Spencer wanted to hear what was going on. “Thank you. I’m glad no one was hurt. I’ll tell him.”

“Aaron?” Jessica asked before Spencer could.

“Garcia found the UnSub, and when they breached his house, he was holding a woman hostage. Suicide by cop because she was freed before he could stop Morgan. I don’t know anything more than that other than he had extensive journals on the experiments that he was doing.”

An experiment? Spencer thought to himself. His stomach rebelled, but he kept it down. The person who had done this to him was dead. It didn’t help him understand why though. Why the UnSub had done what he had done.

“As soon as the case is fully closed and the team is sure that there is no one else and all parties have been informed of what has happened to them, even the ones that never reported it, Will said that Dave is going to let you read the journals. There are two sets. One that is his observations and another that is totally the science. Will said no one can understand it, so someone from the outside will be brought in to look at it. This stage of it is over.”

“Now comes the hard part. Living with it,” Spencer said as he finally got away from Jack. He didn’t care that he woke the boy. Spencer instead just moved to the bathroom in the hall and shut the door behind him. He slammed the lock home as fast as he could. Spencer looked at himself in the mirror and frowned. He didn’t look any different than he had the night before. When Spencer had a look at himself before heading out to the club. He had dressed to make Aaron happy, but those clothes would never be the same. He’d always remember what was done to him while he was wearing them.

Less than twenty-four hours had changed his life forever. Spencer wasn’t sure what was coming after it, and he wasn’t sure if he was ready for it.

Shattered Dream scene separator

Spencer sighed and closed the screen on his laptop. His session had been impromptu, and he was glad that his therapist was more than willing to do a midnight her time session. Doctor Allison Sayre had been a godsend. She was a mostly retired psychologist who worked with FBI and CIA agents who needed help. Aaron had found her for Spencer and for the first time ever, Spencer knew that Aaron understood Spencer’s intelligence. Doctor Sayre did not let him get anything past her.

Not wanting to be inside anymore, Spencer moved to the balcony. Instead of getting into the chair, Spencer sat down on the cool concrete. The team had been staying in a B&B. It was the only kind of place they could stay that wasn’t over a half an hour away from the town where the murders were happening. The mayor owned it and had given it to the BAU for use. They had wrapped the case hours before but a massive storm at the airport over an hour away delayed them. Aaron had told them to get a good night’s sleep.

“Will, I’m all right,” JJ said from the other room. Spencer’s was the only one with a balcony. He’d won it in a game of rock, paper, scissors with Morgan, Prentiss, and Rossi. JJ and Aaron had watched, laughing. Spencer had won fair and square, the first time in a while that no one had just given him what he wanted. It had been a long road to get the team to treat him like they used to in all situations. Aaron had smiled at him when he’d done a little dance after winning. JJ and Prentiss were sharing a room while Aaron had taken the last single. Morgan and Rossi were sharing a room with double queen beds.

Spencer was about to get up to give her privacy when she started speaking again.

“I will tell Hotch when we have the paternity figured out. My doctor has already agreed to run yours against the baby and then after that run Spencer’s. I have the appointment tomorrow after we get back. Hotch has already approved it since I wasn’t able to make it to the one two days ago. The doctor is going to rush it.”

Spencer felt a cold sweat break out on his body. He pushed himself up and moved towards the door. Spencer was trying to come to terms with what he had heard. He grabbed his credentials but left his gun locked up. It wasn’t like everyone in the small town didn’t know who Spencer was. The stairs to the ground floor were thankfully empty as he made his way down them. The door was locked, but he had a key to get back inside. Spencer rushed out into the cold night air. He shivered as he hadn’t grabbed his light jacket. He wasn’t going to go back. Spencer remembered the path back to the park that one of the victims had been found in.

The park was silent as Spencer entered it. He stayed away from the location where the victim had been found. Instead, he sat inside the gazebo, looking out over the water of the river. It was serene.

A phone chiming had Spencer looking around. He spotted Aaron just on the other side of the gazebo. Aaron was staring at Spencer. Spencer slumped down and waved Aaron over. The older man moved close to where Spencer was before he sat down, in his suit on the dirty concrete floor.

“I called your name inside of the B&B, but you didn’t hear me. I was getting ready to leave, you didn’t go far, and I can tell you want to be alone.”

Spencer shook his head. His mind was so full of emotions that he didn’t want to be alone. If Aaron had called out to him and he hadn’t heard anything, he needed to not be alone. Aaron was used to Spencer’s silences while he was thinking. Spencer watched the man as he used his phone. Probably looking through work emails. Spencer’s heart swelled with the love that he had for the man. That love wasn’t back to where it had been, still bruised over what had happened but it was there.

“Why haven’t you pushed me to leave?” Spencer asked, finally asking the question that had been bugging him since he had been to his last appointment. Spencer had been back to his apartment to grab things and had tried to be brave and sleep there one night. He had ended up back at Aaron’s. He had tried to sleep on the couch, but Aaron was there, waiting for him. Spencer had barely got laid down on the couch when the man had appeared in the living room.

Aaron looked up at Spencer with that same damned look that the older man gave him every single time he said something that hurt Aaron without meaning to. Spencer hated that look.

“Why would I push you to leave?” Aaron asked. He set his phone on the ground, face down. It meant that he was focusing on Spencer.

“Don’t you want your apartment back?”

“Back from what? You? Why would you think that Spencer?” Aaron asked.

“I invaded, and I’ve never left.” Spencer didn’t understand how Aaron could stand it. He was afraid of being sent away though.

“Spencer, do I seem to be the type of man who would allow someone to stay longer than I wanted them to?” Aaron stared at Spencer until he shook his head no. “Have I asked you to leave?” Again he waited for Spencer to shake his head no. “Good. Now that we have established I don’t want you to go. Do you want to leave?”

“No.”

“Good. Now you were supposed to be talking to Doctor Sayre. Why are you running?”

“I talked with Doctor Sayre, and while it was emotional, I felt a lot better.” Spencer reached out his hand, and Aaron moved closer. Spencer spread his legs so that Aaron’s could fit between and he laid his head on Aaron’s knee. “JJ’s pregnant.”

“I know that she had mentioned she had been trying months ago.” Aaron was smiling, but it fell as Spencer’s face stayed like stone. “Spencer, what is wrong?” Aaron tilted Spencer’s head up to where Spencer was looking right at him.

“According to what I overheard her say to Will, she’s eight weeks along, and there is a chance that it’s mine.”

“You usually don’t joke like that,” Aaron said.

Spencer gave Aaron a look that said that he wasn’t joking and that he was upset that Aaron would even say that.

“How did you overhear that?”

“She’s in the room next to me. She was talking on the phone with the window open while I was on the balcony. Aaron, what the fuck will I do with a child?” Spencer didn’t even want to think about that. He wasn’t ready for a child.

“Tell me exactly what she said.”

“‘Will, I’m fine. I will tell Hotch when we have the paternity figured out. My doctor has already agreed to run yours against the baby and then after that run Spencer’s. I have the appointment tomorrow after we get back. Hotch has already approved it since I wasn’t able to make it to the one two days ago. The doctor is going to rush it.'”

Aaron let out all of his air in a rush and Spencer didn’t know what to think about his silence.

“Do you want kids?”

“What kind of question is that?” Spencer demanded. He looked at Aaron’s face before pushing the man away so he could stand up. Aaron reached out and grabbed him as he got three steps away. Spencer gasped and turned to stare at Aaron. It was the first time that Aaron had reached out and touched him like that. “Why the hell would you ask the question like that?”

“What do you mean?”

“You just asked me if I wanted kids. KIDS? So I say no and you what? Think I don’t love Jack?”

“No, Spencer. I didn’t mean it that way. I did not mean it that way at all. I know that you love Jack. I also know the risks of passing on your genes. I also have academic knowledge of what keeping a child of rape can do psychologically to the child and the parent who keep them.” Aaron pulled on Spencer a little and Spencer came over to him. “Don’t lash out and quit over analyzing everything that I say. If JJ’s child is yours, what do you want to do?”

“Shouldn’t I ask you that as well?” Spencer asked.

“I have no bearing in this.”

“I live with you. I’m in a relationship with you. If you are saying that your opinion doesn’t matter, that means that you don’t-”

Aaron covered Spencer’s mouth with his hand.

“Quick over analyzing. I’m going to support you with whatever decision you make. If you don’t want the child, I will stand by you and JJ coming to a decision about either abortion or adoption.”

“You don’t like abortion.”

“It’s JJ’s body and no matter how the rape happened it did and this child, if yours, is the product of rape.”

“I don’t know what I want.” Spencer curled into Aaron, the older man supporting his entire weight.”

“Come on.” Aaron pulled Spencer wit him, and they walked. Spencer left his body in Aaron’s hands as they made their way back to the B&B. Aaron gave soft but firm directions as they hit the door, the stairs, and then when they got to Spencer’s room. Aaron took him into the bathroom and set him down on the toilet. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. Just stay here?”

“Okay.” Spencer closed his eyes and hunched over a little. He listened as Aaron left the bathroom, then the bedroom. Spencer listened for the door to open. He stopped himself from counting the seconds until Aaron came back.

Spencer knew that his brain was trying to fill in the gaps of that night by creating false memories. The fear of the unknown scared him more than anything else and not knowing what had happened that night was his biggest trip up on his road to recovery. The UnSub had written down meticulous notes on what Spencer and JJ had done up until they had entered Spencer’s apartment. The notes picked back up when Spencer and JJ had left the next morning, right up until they arrived at the hospital. The UnSub had watched them until they entered and then had gone to get something to eat. He had run when Aaron had come. Aaron had flashed his badge, and it was when the UnSub had known that his game was up. That the FBI was on his tail, finally. He’d snatched the woman that he had wanted.

The UnSub had been in love with a woman who was a lesbian. He had done the experiments to try and figure out a way to bypass that and make a love potion that would make her his willing sex slave for the rest of her life.

When the door opened, and he heard Aaron setting things down, Spencer thought about getting up and laying down. He was feeling tired. His life was just getting back to normal or as normal as it was going to get with Spencer still having issues with flashbacks to things that didn’t happen. The bathroom door opened a little bit, and Spencer opened his eyes to look at Aaron, who was down to his underwear. Spencer frowned. Aaron hadn’t been that undressed around him in a while. Aaron crouched at the base of the toilet between Spencer’s legs, his hands resting on Spencer’s knees.

“You are strung out like a wire right now, you are never going to get to sleep, and we don’t have your bath bombs here to help you relax. So, why don’t we try a bath?”

“A bath? Together?” Spencer’s hands broke out in a cold sweat. He rubbed them on the thighs of his pants. Aaron caught his hands and drew them to rest on thighs, without rubbing.

“No. I’m going to stay outside of the tub. But I will wash your back and your hair. You know that you like that.” Aaron was smiling at Spencer like it was the most natural thing in the world and it had been, once upon a time. Baby steps, everything had been baby steps. Spencer hated those steps but knew that it kept him feeling safe. Spencer nodded. “Good, now I’m going to go to the bathtub and get the water started while you undress.”

Spencer didn’t answer as his words were stuck in his throat and Aaron moved away too quickly for him to even see Spencer if he did nod his head. Instead, Aaron just walked to the tub and started the water in it. Spencer saw a bottle of body wash on the floor, not one that Spencer had brought with him. It was Aaron’s. Spencer fumbled at the tie he was wearing and slowly stripped himself of all of his clothes as he watched Aaron. The older man never looked back at him. The tub was huge, but Spencer hadn’t even thought about using it. During the case, every second counted so shower it had been in the stand-up shower.

Aaron stood up and moved back to the sink, but he did so without looking at Spencer. He grabbed a rag as well as one of the plastic cups that was sitting on the counter.

“I’m going to turn around, and if you don’t want me to see you naked, then I would go ahead and get into the tub.”

“Okay.” Spencer slipped over to the tub and took his time getting under the water. He didn’t want to splash any of it out and get the floor wet. Spencer didn’t move when Aaron finally turned around, rag in hand as well as a bottle of something else. Spencer couldn’t tell what it was; instead, he watched Aaron’s eyes. Spencer wished that Aaron had put something in the water that would make bubbles, to hide him from sight. Jessica had been the only person he had been naked in front of since the hospital, and he hadn’t realized it until after she had already seen him naked.

“Spencer?” Aaron asked as he sat down on a stool that Spencer didn’t remember being in the room. He dunked his hand with the rag down into the water before picking up the body wash, pouring some out onto the rag. Spencer focused on Aaron’s hands as the man lathered up the rag. “Do I have your permission?”

“I thought you were going to do my back and hair?” Spencer asked.

“Is that all you want me to do? Cause I will.”

“No, I don’t mind you touching me elsewhere.” Spencer dunked his hands into the water before lifting them back up and watching the drops fall down, counting them. He felt the rag touch him and he tried not to react at all. Aaron was gentle and stayed high up on his back until he settled down. It didn’t take long at all for Spencer to figure out why Aaron had wanted him to take a bath. Spencer started to relax, even more, began to drift off. Spencer felt the water as it was dumped over his body, but he couldn’t open his eyes to look. Water came down over his head, Aaron pulled him back to rest on the back of the tub. Spencer felt fingers working through his hair, and he let out a soft moan at the feel of those fingers.

“Thank you for trusting me, Spencer.” Aaron’s fingers worked the shampoo through Spencer’s hair, massaging more than doing anything else. “Talk to me. Are you scared?”

“Yes. What the hell would I do with a baby?”

“Love them, like you love Jack.”

“I don’t want to quit.”

“Then get a nanny. You’ve stayed behind on cases before, help the team long distance.”

“Why would she not tell me?”

“It sounds like there is a fifty-fifty chance of it being Will’s. And there are options. I understand though. It’s your baby, or it’s Will’s. If it was a random person, someone who had raped her of their own free will, I can see where she would have taken the morning after pill.”

“Doctor Sayre has helped me with accepting that night, but I don’t think I could want to keep my rapist’s child inside of me for nine months.”

“JJ’s strong and you can’t answer for certain because you are not in her position. You looked angry before. Are you mad now?”

“No. I just…why didn’t she at least tell me that she didn’t take the pill?”

“Spencer, you like odds. It’s a fifty-fifty chance, and we all know that you have had a harder time accepting everything. If it does end up being Will’s, why would she want to burden you with the chance? I can see her doing what she is doing. Look at how long she kept her first pregnancy a secret. Look how long she kept Will a secret. I think she is trying to do her best in a bad situation. How would you look at her knowing that she doesn’t know whose child she is carrying? Then the rest of the team would know something more is up. You wear your heart on your face, for those who know you well enough.” Aaron stopped talking long enough to rinse Spencer’s hair. Spencer had got used to the man washing his hair after a sprained wrist had made it hard to shower. Spencer had done pretty well on his own, but Aaron had wanted to help him and care for him. It was that time that had made Spencer fall in love with Aaron. It hadn’t been hard to see that he cared for Aaron, it was what had led to their relationship taking a turn for the intimate.

Spencer hadn’t said those words to Aaron since the night that he’d yelled at him. Aaron hadn’t said them for a while, and Spencer knew that it wasn’t from the fact that the man didn’t love him but from the fact that Aaron knew that he had hurt Spencer and he didn’t want to feel like he was bribing Spencer for his affection. That he wasn’t trying to force Spencer to say it back. It had slipped back into their life, usually at bedtime when they were saying goodnight.

“I lost you there,” Aaron said, a smile evident in his voice. “What are you thinking about?”

Spencer didn’t answer at first. Instead, he looked at himself to see no suds and felt no clinging foam in his hair.

“Towel?” Spencer asked. Aaron pressed a kiss into the wet skin of the side of his neck and moved over to where a stack was. Spencer stood up as silently as he could. When Aaron turned around with the towel in his hand, he stopped at the sight of Spencer standing in front of him naked. Aaron recovered quickly, he unfolded the towel and stepped up to Spencer, holding out the towel. Spencer stepped out and turned to give Aaron his back. Aaron wrapped the towel around Spencer’s shoulders, his hands rubbing the cloth into his skin slightly.

“Are you finally letting me pamper you?” Aaron asked. Spencer nodded with a smile on his face. Doctor Sayre had been working them through slow touch therapy. Each session, she would give him a task to work on. It could be as simple as holding hands for a period of time, but for the last two sessions, the task had been to let Aaron see him naked and letting the older man touch him for as long as Spencer could stand. He’d been putting her off.

“Yes,” Spencer said.

Aaron moved the towel lower, and Spencer laughed as he felt drops from his hair land on his skin and start to slide down. Aaron finished off his back before moving up and chasing those drops. The edges of the towel were wrapped around to Spencer’s front, and he smiled, watching the hands as they ghosted on his skin with the towel in between. When Spencer’s front was dry, Aaron dropped to his knees, using the whole cloth to kind of wrap each leg. Spencer felt relaxed. Aaron stayed behind Spencer as he moved to dry off Spencer’s groin. Spencer tensed as he felt the first brush of the towel on his cock, but Aaron’s other hand slid up into his hair, massaging, calming him down more.

“Thank you,” Aaron said as he settled a towel around Spencer’s waist, cinching it tight and making sure that it wouldn’t fall down.

“For what?” Spencer startled as a towel settled on his head. Aaron started to finally dry his hair, the drops no longer settling on his skin.

“Trusting me. Go lay down on the bed, and I’ll give you a little massage.”

“You have got to be tired. We can just go to our beds.”

“Spencer, I brought my things into here. I’m going to stay. Whether it was sharing your bed or taking the couch on the side of the room. I didn’t want you to wake up the whole of the team with a nightmare.”

“You…” Spencer reached up and pulled the towel off of his head before he turned around to look Aaron in the face. He frowned at him. “You said that you didn’t want us to share a bed on a case, even in a situation like Alaska was. Just to keep the lines between lovers and co-workers separate.”

“That was before this. We’ve been sharing a room for two months on cases.”

“Yes, shared a room but not a bed. We’ve not shared a bed since that first night.”

“And we don’t have to. I just want you to go and lay down on your front.” Aaron kind of pushed Spencer towards the bedroom. Spencer moved where Aaron wanted, but instead of keeping the towel around himself, Spencer put it down on the bed and then laid on top of it. He settled down on his stomach. A few minutes later, the bed dipped, and Aaron settled at his side. “I’m going to straddle your thighs.”

“Okay.” Spencer inhaled as he felt warmth settle on his thighs. He felt cloth down his legs and realized that Aaron had put on pants of some kind. He felt oil being dripped down on his spine. It slid down and settled at the small of his back. Aaron dipped his thumbs into the pooled oil before sliding them up on either side of Spencer’s spine. He knew the exact spots to hit, and Spencer was mush on the bed before long.

When Aaron was done and used a towel to wipe up any excess oil, Spencer was mostly asleep on the bed.

“Where do you want me?” Aaron asked, his voice low enough that if Spencer had been any more asleep, Spencer wouldn’t have heard him.

“Here.”

“You are naked, Spencer.”

“Don’t wanna move. Sleep here or anywhere, I don’t care.” Spencer scooted up the bed to where he was able to slip under the covers. He made sure to stay on what had become his side of the bed and waited with baited breath to see what Aaron was going to do. He was rewarded with the bed dipping again and the blanket lifting. Aaron snuggled into his back, pants still on but his top shirtless. Aaron was warm despite him being out in the air of the room. Aaron wasn’t fully into him though, and Spencer frowned. It wasn’t right, it didn’t feel right. Spencer shifted around, and when his ass connected with Aaron’s groin, he knew why. Aaron was hard. Spencer stilled and processed. Aaron wasn’t trying to get away, but he wasn’t saying anything either.

The fact that even after everything, Aaron still found Spencer desirable was good. Spencer didn’t know exactly what to do though. He didn’t want to point out what he felt to Aaron, afraid of making him feel ashamed but he also didn’t want to just press back into him more.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron whispered and tried to move away. Spencer let him get a little bit away before he rolled over and tucked himself back into Aaron’s side, his head resting on Aaron’s heart and a leg was thrown over his.

“Nothing to be sorry for. You find me desirable, and we’ve not had sex in a long time. You always got hard giving me rub downs before, and I’m sorry that I let you do it, I forgot. I’m sorry that I’m not ready to help you take care of that. If you want to slip into the bathroom and take care of it, I’ll be okay with that and probably be asleep when you get back out. I won’t be upset. I promise.”

“I love you,” Aaron said as he slipped out of bed. Spencer nestled down into where he had been, taking the warmth and the faint scent of him. He forced himself not to listen to the sounds of Aaron jerking off and instead let the sandman take him. One more step to healing done.

Shattered Dream scene separator

Aaron watched Spencer as he moved around the apartment. Jessica had Jack for the day as JJ, and Will were coming over for a meal, without Henry. JJ’s appointment had been the day before yesterday, and when Will had called Aaron to set up the meal, Aaron knew what it had to be about. If the child was Will’s, there was no way that they would want to have a meal with Spencer.

Since two minutes after the phone call, Spencer had been cleaning. Aaron had brought home some cases to work on, and that was exactly what he had been doing since Spencer had started manic cleaning. Aaron wasn’t ready to stop the younger man from his cleaning because if he did, Spencer would just fidget for the rest of the hour before JJ and Will got there. It was hard not to think about even just that morning. Since the night that Spencer had found out about JJ being pregnant, they had shared a bed. Spencer had said nothing their first night home but instead just used Aaron’s bathroom to get ready for bed then had slipped into Aaron’s bed. Aaron hadn’t said anything but instead just wrapped himself around Spencer and rested.

The first night home, nothing had happened, other than Aaron waking with a hardon. He hadn’t taken care of it by hand but instead had just waited for it to subside on its own. This morning though, Aaron had woke up on his back with Spencer sprawled all along his side. Aaron hadn’t wanted to move at all to run the risk of waking him up, but Spencer shifted on the bed anyway. He had pressed his groin into Aaron’s hip, and the erection had been impossible to miss. Aaron had tried not to move again, but he must have because Spencer had wiggled, rubbing his cock into Aaron’s hip even more.

Aaron had held his breath as Spencer started to rock into his body. Aaron could do nothing as his body responded, he had stayed still and listened to Spencer breathing as he worked on getting himself off. Spencer muffled his orgasm outcry in the side of Aaron’s neck. Only a few seconds later, Spencer rolled over, and Aaron had been worried, so he had rolled over as well, touching Spencer’s hip. Spencer had slept through the entire thing. Aaron said nothing as he went to the bathroom to take care of his own erection before hopping into the shower. Spencer had joined him a few minutes later and the morning had started like nothing had happened. Aaron had planned to talk to him that night before Will had called.

“Spencer, please,” Aaron said. He watched as Spencer stopped rearranging the pictures on a shelf of the bookcase for the fifth time. “Come over here.”

Spencer set the picture in his hand back down and came over to Aaron, he moved to sit down on the couch right at Aaron’s side but instead, Aaron pulled him down into Aaron’s lap. His back was against the arm of the couch.

“It’s mine,” Spencer said.

“I’m fairly sure as well but driving yourself nuts by rearranging the room, again isn’t going to help.”

“I don’t know what I want to do.”

“You don’t have to decide at this moment. Let her give you the options that she agrees with and go from there. You’ll know what you want to do.”

“You have more faith in me than I do.”

“No, I just know you. You will make the best decision for you.”

“You still haven’t told me what you want me to do.”

“I won’t manipulate you like that. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it every time that you ask me. It’s your life that changes, more than mine. If you want the child, keep it. If you don’t, don’t. Your life your choices.”

“But if I keep the child, your life will be changed too.”

“I don’t want you to keep the child because I would like another child or not keep the child because you are afraid that I will be upset. I know that it will affect my life, but fear of my reaction should not be what you are basing your decision on.” Aaron turned Spencer’s face towards him. He leaned in and kissed Spencer. Spencer kissed him back with fervor. Aaron’s heart soared at how affectionate that Spencer had become since the first night in the same bed.

“You were awake this morning, weren’t you?” Spencer asked when he pulled out of the kiss. He didn’t go far at all but instead just looked at Aaron’s eyes.

“I was. How do you feel about it?”

“I was half dreaming.”

“What were you were dreaming about?” Aaron asked.

“That first night, when we were making out on my couch, and you just touching me made me come like a teenager. I woke up when I rolled over. I felt bad but then I thought about it, and I didn’t anymore. I do feel bad that it probably got you horny.”

“And I took care of it before I showered. My erections are not your problem. If I had found an issue with you using me as a humping board for your erection, I would have said something. You even having an erection that you felt safe enough to take care of with me there means a lot to me, Spencer. I know that I’ve not asked you much about your therapy with Doctor Sayre and you have been waking up before me. However, I don’t think you’ve been that sexually aroused since that night. Even if you try to have sex with me, whether it’s hand jobs or frottage or more than that, and you end up losing your erection, I do not expect you to take care of it. I can either ignore it or go finish off alone in the bathroom.”

Spencer leaned in a little and laid his head on Aaron’s shoulder. Aaron placed his right hand on the small of Spencer’s back helping him lean in a little bit more. Spencer was comfortable with him on a body level. With Aaron touching his body over his clothes or under them. It was nice that the trust was being built back up. Aaron hadn’t got angry around him since that morning though. Aaron knew that it wouldn’t last, that it would happen, and there was no telling the reaction that Spencer would have.

“What do you want to do while we wait for JJ and Will to come over?” Aaron asked.

“How about we read?” Spencer asked. He lifted his legs so that Aaron could scoot down the couch some to where Spencer’s legs were draped over Aaron’s. Aaron grabbed his book from the coffee table and laid it on the side of Spencer’s knees to prop it up, Spencer grabbed his book from the stand behind him and propped his on his thighs. It was a position that they had got used to reading in from before. Jack would sit at the end of the couch and sometimes let Spencer slip his toes under his thighs to keep them warm.

Aaron made himself pay attention to the book and not the hand that was on his knee. It would raise up to flip a page then back down onto his knee. Spencer was reading slower than he normally did, even for pleasure reading. Aaron wanted to ask why but also didn’t want to draw attention to it.

The knock on the door startled Aaron, but Spencer was lost in the words in front of him that he didn’t even react. Aaron closed his book and reached out to pull on Spencer’s. The younger man frowned, and Aaron smiled as the book was pulled more from unresisting hands. Spencer looked at Aaron with that frown turning into a pout as the second knock came at the door.

“Oh.” Spencer closed the book and turned to where he wasn’t sitting with his legs over Aaron’s anymore. “Did you want me to get it?”

“You stay right here, Spencer. I’ll let them in. Dinner will be here in a few minutes.”

“I’m glad that you had something delivered because I would be a wreck trying to cook.”

“I know.” Aaron pressed a kiss to Spencer’s lips before getting up off of the couch. He went to the door and opened it, just as Will was raising up his hand to knock. Will smiled at Aaron but it was a strained one. “Welcome. Dinner will be here in a few minutes.”

“We met the delivery man at the doors downstairs,” JJ said. She held up a bag of food. “He recognized me, and so he let me have the food after I paid for it.”

“Okay. Good.” Aaron stepped back to let them inside. Will came in first with JJ trailing behind him. Aaron wasn’t shocked that she was hanging back. He knew that this had to be tearing her up. She did the best she could do with what she had and was trying to make sure the least harm was dropped on Spencer. JJ had to be fearing the cold shoulder that she got after Prentiss’s faked death came to light. Aaron knew that she was afraid of losing Spencer. He often wondered if she had slipped Spencer into a younger sibling since she didn’t have Rosaline to be a sibling to. Aaron looked at the couch and didn’t see Spencer’s head. He wasn’t shocked. He turned to the kitchen and found Spencer grabbed the accouterments for eating as well as drinks. He had cup of coffee sitting in front of him and glasses for tea as well as the pitcher sitting out.

“I’m shocked you didn’t cook, Spencer. I know you usually love to,” Will said as he entered the kitchen to grab his and JJ’s drinks.

“The baby is mine right?” Spencer blurted. He was looking past Will and at JJ. Her hand went lax, and Aaron grabbed the food before it could fall down on the floor. She was looking at Spencer like she had never seen him before.

“Yes,” Will answered when JJ didn’t. Aaron set the food down and moved towards Spencer in the kitchen. Will stayed where he was. Spencer reached out and grabbed the cup of coffee. Aaron watched as he clenched it tighter and tighter. Aaron laid his hand over Spencer’s to try and settle him down, but he didn’t release the cup.

“Spencer,” Aaron said.

“Spence,” JJ said as she stepped forward. Spencer looked up at her, his eyes full of so many emotions. He let go of the cup and turned his hand over to hold Aaron’s. “How did you know?”

“I overheard you talking in your room the last night we were on the case.”

“I’m shocked you didn’t confront her then.” Will sounded just as shocked as he looked. Aaron stepped a little closer to Spencer, and the younger man leaned into him.

“I didn’t want to make a scene on the case. We don’t need our personal situation declared around a B&B in the middle of nowhere.” Spencer was shaking. Aaron wrapped his arm around him tighter. Spencer leaned his head in and tucked his mouth right into Aaron’s ear. “God help me, I want the baby, Aaron.”

“So, tell us what you had planned?” Aaron said to JJ.

“Right here, right now?” JJ asked.

“I might puke if I try and eat,” Spencer said with a fragile laugh.

“Why don’t we at least go into the living room?” Will asked. He filled up two of the glasses with tea from the pitcher on the counter. He pulled JJ with him as he transferred the two glasses to one hand. Aaron filled up one for himself and grabbed Spencer’s coffee mug with the tips of his fingers, allowing his hand to stay wrapped around Spencer. JJ and Will took the oversized chair on the far side of the living room. Spencer sat on the end of the couch that he had been sitting on before they had arrived. He tucked his legs up onto the cushion next to him. Aaron sat on what was left of the cushion and a little of the next. Spencer wiggled his toes underneath Aaron’s thigh.

“I hadn’t made a lot of plans for after this point because I needed to know what you were going to do. My doctor rushed the DNA because of the circumstances.”

“What will you do if I don’t want the baby?” Spencer asked.

“I will get an abortion. Will and I talked it over extensively, and if you don’t want him or her, then I will abort.”

“And if I want him or her?” Spencer asked. He wasn’t looking at anyone. Aaron couldn’t get Spencer to look him in the eye at all.

“Then we are going to treat it like a surrogacy. I’ve already talked to my doctor, and our insurance will still cover me even if I give up the child after birth. You would be listed as the father, and I the mother but that’s mainly because of genetics. I would sign over all parental rights, and we can even do it before I give birth.”

“And you are totally okay with that end, Will?” Aaron asked.

“Like I said the day after what happened. This is a messed up situation. There is little that we could do that anyone would be upset about in this as I don’t think that this has ever happened before. I’m going to support JJ no matter what decision is made today. Whether it’s another pregnancy or abortion.”

“I don’t know if I would have ever allowed Haley to do surrogacy for someone else. No matter the method of-” Aaron stopped because he couldn’t think of the word that he wanted.

“Implantation of the sperm inside of the egg?” Spencer asked. He looked up at Aaron with a small but feeble smile on his face, but his eyes were still hidden a little from him. “I want him or her, or them.”

“There is no them. No second gestational sac and twins do not run in my family.” JJ looked a little too happy about that.

“That only works for fraternal twins. Identical twins are just a bit of luck,” Spencer said.

“Of course you know that,” JJ said with a smile. She stood up and moved over to where Spencer was sitting on the couch. “Do you really want him or her, Spencer? You don’t have to decide today. My doctor set me up with an appointment for the abortion, just so that I wouldn’t have to wait. It’s next week. We have up until that day. If we don’t do the abortion, we are just going to do a meeting with you and him as I figure if you do want to have the child, then you’ll want to be there through it all.”

“I do want him or her. I’ve been thinking for two days now. It’s all that I have been able to think about. I want them, JJ.” Spencer looked at JJ then at Aaron could see his eyes all the way for the first time. Spencer turned back to JJ, smiling at her. It was the smile that had got Aaron in trouble so long before. When he realized that he was starting to feel something other than work and friendship feelings for the younger man. He had fought it all for so long only to give in a year before.

“I’ll start to dish out dinner,” Aaron said as he stood up from the couch. Will stood up as well and mumbled something about helping him. JJ moved over and took Aaron’s spot on the couch but moving a little closer to the other end.

“She’s been a wreck since the needed fluids were drawn yesterday. I don’t know how she slept last night, but I slept for shit because she tossed and turned.” Will found the cabinet with the plates in it and pulled out four. When Aaron opened up the containers with the Thai food in it, Will set the plates down. “He’s more excited for this than I thought he would be. Is that your influence?”

“He’s been tight-lipped about what he was going to do. I tried to make him make the decision based on what he wanted without factoring me in. I didn’t want to not take custody, afraid that I would be upset however I also didn’t want him to not take custody if he really didn’t want it.”

“JJ cried. After we talked about what she wanted to do. She was getting ready for bed later that night, and she just broke down and cried because this was going to be another thing that changed their relationship. They just can’t catch a break it seems.”

“I know.” Aaron moved to take a peek at the pair in the living room. “We’ve not got to talk alone. I think that Spencer is afraid that you are going to hurt me.”

“I might have had that thought for a few days after what happened, happened, but I knew that it would only hurt Spencer in the long run. He would never take you back if he thought that you did it to hurt him. Anger is a powerful emotion, and I know that you guys in the BAU know it more than others. You’ve all seen what anger, and revenge can do.”

“We do. We see it a lot. So how does this all work? Really?”

“The doctor is going to not state anywhere that it’s a surrogacy. Once the baby is born, Spencer’s insurance will be changed, or before, knowing Spencer.”

Aaron let Will make up his and JJ’s plates. Aaron took the second container of Pad Thai Chicken and slipped it into the fridge. When he turned around Will was finishing up his and JJ’s plates, so Aaron started on Spencer’s. Aaron grabbed forks as he was blocking the drawer, handing two over to Will before slipping his under his little bit of Pad Thai beef and Spencer’s under his rice.

The foursome talked about insignificant things while they consumed food. Aaron barely listened to most of it, worrying more about Spencer and what his reaction was going to be when he realized that he agreed to raise a child. The other couple left not long after the food was finished. Aaron watched as Spencer cleaned up the plates, washing them by hand instead of running them through the dishwasher. Spencer had another cup of coffee when he sat down on the couch. Aaron moved to sit down on the coffee table in front of him. While Spencer had been cleaning, Aaron had slipped away to find a present that he had hidden away after retrieving it from Spencer’s apartment.

“Spencer, I want to reiterate that I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay here, with Jack and I. We will figure out something for the baby.” Aaron held out his hand and tucked in the palm were two simple bands. The rings were not engagement rings but wedding bands. The one that he wanted to put on Spencer’s finger and the one that he wanted Spencer to put on his own. Aaron’s was black tungsten, and Spencer’s was purple. The only thing that matched on the rings, besides the metal was the inscription on the front of the band. It was the words you make me whole in Gallifreyan. Aaron had spent hours tracking down someone online who was knowledgeable enough to even attempt it. The rings were a complete custom design. On the underside, where the ring rested against the under skin of the finger was another Gallifreyan. Aaron’s ring said Spencer’s while Spencer’s said Aaron’s. A claim written in a language that not may would be able to read. The etchings were laser engraved and not that noticeable unless one was looking for them.

Spencer picked up the purple ring and lifted it up to look at it. Aaron watched his eyes widen as he looked at the symbol on the central part of the ring. He picked up the black ring and did the same thing. Spencer looked at Aaron but didn’t say anything. Instead, he started to look at the ring even closer, finding the names written on the inside.

“How long have you had these?”

“Three months. I planned to propose to you that date night that you fell asleep way too early. I didn’t want to wake you up, so I hid them in your white sock drawer. I was going to your place to get the rings after I fucked up so that I could show you that I did love you. When I got there, the place was crawling with MPD, and I was able to overhear what they were saying. It didn’t take long to put the pieces together. That’s why I went to you at the hospital, and when you freaked out and nearly hurt yourself getting away from me, it’s why I left. I don’t have engagement rings, just the wedding rings.”

“Engagement rings?”

“I’m a forward minded man. I wouldn’t mind wearing an engagement ring. Spencer, I do love you, and I want to take the rest of my life to show that to you. I know that we are not back to a perfect spot in the relationship, but I want you to know that this is what I want. Whether it’s tomorrow, or two weeks from now, or a year from now before you feel like you can say yes. I’m in this.”

“You make me whole,” Spencer said. His fingers traced the Gallifreyan circle on the ring. Intricate but beautiful, Aaron thought.

“You do. You do make me whole. You accept me as I am, faults and all. You understand my need and love of my job because it’s yours as well. You love Jack so much. I’m a forty-five-year-old divorced man with a son whose mother died. I’m not exactly a catch Spencer. And I am not putting myself down. On paper, I am the type of man that most people would never date in a million years. You knew what you were getting into when you started this relationship. You know my worst secrets, and you force me to face that I am a wonderful father, even if I don’t think that I am.”

“Aaron,” Spencer’s voice cracked on the second syllable, and he gripped the ring tight in his hand for a second before setting it back down in Aaron’s hand. “Yes. I’ll marry you, soon but I can’t think about when right now. We can go shopping and find some beautiful engagement rings for us to wear.”

Aaron cupped Spencer’s face and pulled him into a kiss. Spencer bracketed his hands and leaned back, pulling Aaron with him until Aaron was straddling him on the couch. Aaron hesitated in the kiss, but Spencer was relaxed underneath of him. When Spencer deepened the kiss, Aaron allowed himself to relax, pressing Spencer down into the couch more. Hands on Aaron’s hips, Spencer kind of thrust up into him, their groins pushing into each other. Aaron could feel how hard Spencer was and he didn’t stop himself from pushing back. Aaron let go of Spencer’s face, using one arm to brace himself on the back of the couch and the other to hold Spencer’s head right where he wanted it.

The second that Aaron buried his hand in Spencer’s hair, pulling just a little bit. Spencer moaned before he gasped, pulling their mouths apart to take a deep breath. Aaron trailed kisses down his cheek before tilting Spencer’s head back just a little bit more so that he could get to the pulse point on his neck. Aaron licked over that spot before nipping at his collarbone, just barely visible with the shirt he was wearing.

“Aaron, please, touch me,” Spencer begged. Spencer undulated under Aaron as much as he could, trying to get friction for his cock. Aaron scooted back so that he could reach down. He barely rubbed his hand on Spencer’s cock, and the man came. Spencer jerked under Aaron, his head tilted back pressing Aaron’s hand into the back of the couch hard. Aaron leaned back, watching Spencer pant as he recovered from his orgasm. He was paying too close of attention to Spencer’s face, and when he felt a hand on his cock, he jerked.

Aaron looked down to see that Spencer had worked his pants open and was reaching inside to work his cock. When Spencer brushed his thumb over the head of Aaron’s cock, Aaron came. Aaron bit his tongue to stop himself from crying out, not wanting to make Spencer open his eyes. He looked peaceful.

“We turned into teenagers again,” Spencer said when Aaron was able to breathe normally again. Aaron let out a bark of laughter.

“I’ll take teenagers any day of the week, if it means being one with you, Spencer.” Aaron used his nearly forgotten hold in Spencer’s hair to tilt his head to where they were looking at each other. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Spencer said. Saying the words for the first time since that day. Aaron pressed a chaste kiss on his lips. “Movie? After we clean up.”

“Wonderful.”

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Spencer closed the book he had been reading to try and wind himself down to sleep, but it just wasn’t happening. Aaron was getting himself ready for bed in the bathroom, a quick shower after an evening spent with Jack doing a little bit of cleaning in the boy’s room. It was one of the things that father and son did together on a weekly basis, and Spencer was glad of it. He didn’t feel left out because he knew that it was something that was personal to them. He was sure that something would come up that would just be a Spencer and Jack thing.

“What’s wrong?” Aaron asked as he padded out of the bathroom in just a pair of pajama pants. Spencer was in a T-shirt of Aaron’s and a pair of pajama pants. It was their new standard for sleeping clothes. Aaron was staring at Spencer with a worried look on his face.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve not settled down. You keep opening and closing the book and sighing. I’ve known you to do that on a case when a detail is bothering you, but I’ve never seen or heard you doing it off of a case.”

“I’m tired, in body and even in mind but it just won’t stop. I close my eyes and my brain just starts to run at a mile a minute. Going over cases that I know are sitting on my desk. That report that you had me read. JJ’s appointment that is coming up where I’m going to find out the sex. The fact that JJ’s doctor is kind to me and the nurse that goes in with us but the rest of the office look at me like I’m doing something wrong by being there with her instead of Will. JJ is able to ignore it, but I just want to tell them off for staring.”

“Is that all?” Aaron asked as he climbed onto the bed. Aaron laid on his side with his head propped up on his hand. Spencer glared at him but all Aaron did was smile. Spencer reached out to shove him, but Aaron grabbed his hand and pulled. Just was Spencer was over top of Aaron, the older man rolled them and deposited Spencer underneath of him. “I expected ten other things to be on your mind as well.”

Before Spencer could answer, Aaron leaned in and kissed him. Spencer kissed him back. He reached up and threaded a hand in Aaron’s hair. To hold him right where Spencer wanted him. Slowly, Aaron settled down on top of him. Starting lightly and pressing down, first with thighs and moving farther up until they were touching from hips to faces. Spencer spread his legs a little more, raising his knees to almost cup Aaron between his legs. There was the sound of a drawer opening, and Spencer tried to turn and look, but Aaron’s arm blocked his view of what the man was doing. When Aaron pulled his hand back, Spencer saw lube. He inhaled but when he tried to exhale the air got caught in his lungs.

“Calm down,” Aaron whispered as he pulled back a little. He laid his hand on Spencer’s stomach. Spencer looked down and forced the exhale, he watched as Aaron’s hand lowered. Spencer inhaled again and exhaled, watching the rise and fall of Aaron’s hand to use to help calm himself. “There you go, Spence. One more for me.”

Spencer nodded and did as Aaron asked. When he was settled, Spencer looked up at Aaron’s face. Aaron looked so proud of him. Spencer flushed under that look.

“Now do you want to move forward, Spencer?”

Spencer nodded.

“Words, I need words.”

“I want to have sex.”

Aaron settled back down on Spencer. Spencer sought out Aaron’s lips and kissed him hard. A warm hand slid down and then under the shirt that Spencer was wearing. There was a small frisson of apprehension as the hand splayed over his bare skin. The fingertips just barely brushed his skin, but Spencer felt goosebumps start all over. Aaron leaned up a little, pulling Spencer’s shirt up and over his head. Spencer laid back down and stared up at Aaron. Aaron settled between his splayed legs, pulling him down the bed just slightly. Aaron’s hands on his thighs were warm, and Spencer watched those hands as they moved downward towards his groin. Aaron motioned for him to raise up and he did. Spencer closed his eyes at the feel of callused hands sweeping down his flank. Aaron helped Spencer raise his legs once he settled his ass back down onto the bed.

“Naked, I want you naked,” Spencer said.

“Okay.” Aaron roughly shoved his own sleep pants down his legs and pooled them at his knees. Spencer watched him as wobbled to remove each pant leg as quickly and as efficiently as he could without getting up off the bed. Aaron shifted down to settle over Spencer again, taking his mouth in a kiss as his hand wrapped around Spencer’s hip, slotting their bodies together and rocking into Spencer.

“Don’t drag this out, Aaron, please,” Spencer begged.

“I won’t,” Aaron said. He rocked back to his knees again, hands on Spencer’s stomach. “You say anything, and I’ll stop.”

Spencer nodded. Aaron picked up the lube again, using his other hand to raise up Spencer’s leg, giving him better access to Spencer’s ass. Spencer felt a finger brush at his hole. He tensed up, but the finger didn’t press into him.

“Watch me, Spencer. See my face.” Aaron waited until Spencer looked at him before he pushed his finger inside of Spencer. Spencer tried to push further down on it. Aaron smiled and pulled his finger free. He pushed back inside with two. Aaron worked those fingers inside of him more than he normally would for a quick round of sex but less than when he was feeling frisky and wanting to prolong the pleasure. Spencer felt the fingers leave him before he felt something else press into him. Spencer looked down from Aaron’s face to see that it was just his fingers again.

“Aaron.” Spencer pouted at Aaron.

“We haven’t had penetrative sex in months, Spencer and me fingering you in the shower during a blowjob are not the same.” The fact of not having sex in months just meant that Aaron wanted to go slow.

“I know. I’m worried about giving me too much time to think.”

“Don’t worry.” Aaron grabbed a hand towel that was on the under-shelf of the night stand. He wiped his hand clean before grabbing Spencer behind the knees. One hand slid up his calf, setting Spencer’s ankle on Aaron’s shoulder. “Ready?”

“Yes,” Spencer breathed. Spencer inhaled and exhaled, on the exhale, Aaron started to press into him. Spencer felt the pressure of his muscles giving way to the head of Aaron’s cock. Aaron didn’t waste any time after the head breached Spencer, he kept pressing inside of Spencer. Spencer couldn’t keep his eyes open, needing to close them to savor the pleasure. When he felt the full breadth of Aaron’s cock inside of him, he gasped. Aaron shifted the ankle from on his shoulder to down at his lower back and Spencer moved his other leg to match, feeling Aaron sink into him just a little more.

“Talk to me, Spencer,” Aaron said, his voice broken. He was breathing hard, and Spencer figured that it was from the want to move but was waiting for Spencer to feel ready to have him move.

“I’m fine. Nothing freaking me out so far.” Spencer shifted just slightly, settling himself on the bed a little better. Aaron pulled out a little and pushed back inside of Spencer. Spencer reached up and pulled Aaron’s face down to him. Just as much as he needed to know it was Aaron, he needed to feel him. Aaron shifted and placed his arms on either side of Spencer’s head, bracing them there. Spencer looked at Aaron with a smile on his face.

Aaron picked up the speed of his thrusts as Spencer wrapped his legs around him tighter.

“Talk.”

“You feel good above me. You feel good inside of me.” Spencer opened his eyes to look at Aaron, seeing the smile on his face, the light in his eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Aaron said. He leaned up and pressed a kiss to Spencer’s forehead. “I love you so much.” There was an increase in thrusts as Aaron stared into Spencer’s eyes. Spencer grabbed Aaron’s shoulder and gripped tight. As Spencer’s nails dug into the flesh, Aaron groaned and started to thrust even harder inside of Spencer. Spencer could feel himself getting closer to orgasm with every single press of the cock inside of him. He wanted to tip over that crest, but he wanted to feel Aaron burst inside of him first.

Spencer could feel that Aaron was getting close as well. Spencer remembered well the first time they had penetrative sex. Aaron hadn’t wanted to be the one to penetrate Spencer as he hadn’t done anything like it before, but Spencer told him that he wanted to feel it. Aaron agreed and let Spencer talk him through it all. It had been one of the most erotic sexual encounters of his life.

“You give yourself over to me,” Spencer whispered. Spencer cupped the side of Aaron’s face and forced their eyes to lock again. The eyes were so full of emotion.

“I do. I can’t hide from you like this, and you can’t hide from me.” Aaron covered Spencer’s mouth with his own, stopping all talking. Aaron thrust inside of him, hard, and groaned. Spencer felt the cock inside of him expand. Aaron was coming. Spencer tried to break the kiss, but Aaron just closed his arms a little, holding Spencer’s head right where he wanted him. Aaron thrust inside of Spencer a few more times, his cock softening as he did. Aaron slipped from inside of Spencer, moving to use his hip to press on Spencer’s cock. Spencer thrust up into him. Aaron’s tongue was inside of his mouth, and Spencer tried to think about anything that wasn’t chasing his own pleasure.

Spencer’s orgasm crested over his body like a gentle wave. He keened into Aaron’s mouth as his release shot out of his cock. Aaron didn’t break the kiss even after Spencer was limp underneath him. Spencer didn’t stop kissing him though. He kept kissing Aaron until the release between him started to feel horrible on his skin, cooling and sticky. Spencer began to wiggle on the bed, and Aaron released his lips.

“Stay here, Spencer. I’ll go and clean up before cleaning you up.” Aaron pressed a kiss just to the side of his mouth before getting off of the bed. Spencer watched him leave and for once wasn’t going to be cheeky and do what Aaron didn’t want him to.

Spencer laid there and tried to understand what he was feeling. He should have been feeling something, but he really wasn’t. Instead, he felt what he always felt when he and Aaron had sex. Spencer wondered exactly what he should feel. Spencer figured that he should feel different, changed in some way. He was so lost in thought that he jerked when he felt a wet warmth on his stomach. He looked at Aaron, smiling as the older man watched his own hands as he cleaned up Spencer’s stomach and groin. Spencer lifted up his right leg to give Aaron access to clean up the rest of him. When Aaron tossed the rag towards the bathroom instead of getting up, Spencer laughed.

“I’m too tired.” Aaron prodded Spencer to get off the bed as he ripped the top sheet off and grabbed a clean one to set on it. Spencer crawled back in as Aaron was shaking out the sheet. He curled into his spot in the middle of the bed and waited for the sheet to be thrown over him. Spencer curled himself around the pillow that he was using as a cuddle buddy at night. Aaron would wrap himself around Spencer.

“Are you okay sleeping naked?” Aaron asked as he slipped under the covers, his warmth giving Spencer a feeling of security.

“I am.”

“Good. Good. You make me happy, Spencer. Never forget that,” Aaron said as he wrapped his arm around Spencer’s waist.

Spencer hummed. He knew that they were still a little rocky. That Spencer wasn’t trusting wholly in the fact that Aaron was going to stay. The nightmares were still there, especially after a severe case. Nightmares of Aaron leaving him when it was getting tough. Spencer had a small fear that Aaron would leave as soon as the baby was born, realizing what he was getting into with staying with Spencer. Only time would tell though, and Spencer wasn’t going to think about it much though. He couldn’t make time move faster, but for now, Aaron was there, and Aaron made him happy.

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Spencer was sitting on the other side of the curtain, waiting for JJ’s physical exam to be over so that they could get to the reason that Spencer was there at the appointment. He was all for being there for JJ but seeing between her legs was something that he wasn’t interested in. There was a line that he didn’t want to cross. Spencer felt his phone vibrate. He looked at it to see that it was a text from Aaron.

Do you know yet?

Spencer answered and smiled. When he closed the texting program, the background image on his phone popped up. It was the last ultrasound of his child. The curtain started to move, and Spencer looked up to see the nurse right there. The ultrasound machine was already set up, and the screen turned away from where JJ and Spencer could see it. The doctor wasn’t in the room. JJ was laying on her back but she was re-dressed and the skin of her rounded stomach hidden from view.

“Doctor Sparrow left to check on another patient,” JJ said as she smiled at Spencer. She pointed at the machine. “The image is up there. She told me you should be able to tell the sex.”

Spencer moved around to the machine to look at it. He could see the screen easily. The image was a little grainy, but it was good. Spencer traced the tiny face on the screen before moving to the arm that was on display. He followed it with the hand and then down to the leg. Spencer felt a tear tracking down his cheek. His beautiful daughter was there on the screen.

“I’m going to have a daughter.”

“Are you?” JJ asked.

“I am.” Spencer turned the device screen around to where JJ could see it. There was a smile on her face that Spencer was getting used to. It wasn’t the same smile that she used to wear on her face when talking about her pregnancy with Henry. It was a different variation of that smile. It was more like the smile that JJ always gave him when he did something that she considered cute.

“She’s gonna be a looker.”

“A daughter,” Spencer said before he looked away from the screen to see that there was an image printed out. He ripped the picture off the printer and saw that there was more than one. In the first picture, the fetus was in the fetal position with what looked like her thumb in her mouth. The next image showed her stretching a little bit, and then the final was the one that showed her sex. “Thank you.”

“Spence, you don’t have to thank me. I’m euphoric to be doing this for you. We need more kids on the team. Hotch and I have the only ones. And this will be the first girl. I’m excited.”

“Are these mine?” Spencer asked as he looked at the pictures again.

“Yes. She got the ones that she needed for the file. There is also a disc that she’s getting ready for you. That shows the entirety of the ultrasound. You and Hotch can watch it tonight at home. We had better get going before Garcia starts to text insanely because we are taking too long.”

“I heard Garcia giving grief on not being able to come.”

“I didn’t let her come to a lot of my exams with Henry either.”

“But you took me, and she’s trying to exert Godmother rights as she assumes she’s going to be the Godmother of this one as well and isn’t happy that I get to go as the Godfather.”

“I’ll handle Garcia until we are ready to tell the team everything.” JJ slipped off of the exam table just as there was a knock on the door and Doctor Sparrow entered again. She had a disc case in her hand and handed it over to Spencer with a smile.

“Your daughter has a very strong heartbeat. She’s developing perfectly. Next appointment, you’ll be able to sit in as I won’t be doing a vaginal exam. I do want to see you in two weeks again, JJ.”

“Thank you, Doctor Sparrow,” Spencer said as he reached out to shake her hand. The doctor shook his hand, and the nurse started to escort them out. Spencer went to the car to start it up while JJ checked out and made the appointment for two weeks. The appointment they were at was due to JJ falling at home the night before. The doctor had wanted to see her, just to check up and moved up the finding out of the sex a little since there was going to be an ultrasound used today as well.

Spencer was staring at the pictures when JJ opened the side door of Aaron’s car. Aaron had been dropped off before they had gone to the appointment as JJ was using an OBGYN in Quantico because it was easier than having to drive to DC or leave work early to make an appointment there. Spencer hadn’t known that the first time. Of course, the pediatrician for Henry was in DC and would be Spencer’s daughter’s doctor as well.

“You look lost in thought,” JJ said.

“Just thinking about the fact that Jack and Henry have made me better at handling babies but I don’t know how to handle a daughter. I need to get books.” Spencer started the car, realizing that he had meant to have it on to get it warm before JJ got out there but he’d been too lost in thought.

“Why don’t we go book shopping after work? We can do a family outing. We can talk Hotch into it and take Will, Henry, and Jack. Go book shopping then dinner out.”

“Are you ready to tell Henry?” Spencer asked. Jack hadn’t been told yet. JJ was twenty weeks along, and it was past the point of it being a risk of a miscarriage.

“I think that I am. One of his pre-school teachers is being a surrogate for her sister-in-law, he understands what it is at least a little bit. I think he’ll understand. He’s not noticed yet, and we’ve been kind of waiting for him to. He can’t not notice now. He made a comment that I was bigger than I used to be.”

“Aaron and I haven’t talked about telling Jack yet.”

The silence that followed wasn’t upsetting, but it was there. Spencer drove the short distance to the base, going through security to get on the base and then security to get into the building where they worked. Garcia was sitting in JJ’s chair when they entered the bullpen.

“There she is!” Garcia cried out, jumping from the chair and running to hug JJ. Spencer slipped away and into Aaron’s office. He shut the door and pulled the blinds.

“Spencer? Is JJ all right?” Aaron asked. Spencer reached into his bag and pull out the photos.

“The doctor did the sex ultrasound today instead of in two weeks since she was already doing one to check on JJ. Did you want to see it?”

Aaron stood up from his desk and moved over to the couch, he patted the seat beside him. Spencer laid his bag on the chair beside the desk before going over towards where Aaron was. He sat a lot closer to him on the couch than he should have given they were at work. Spencer handed over the picture of the baby curled into the fetal position first.

“Looks fine.”

“Didn’t stop moving the whole time. See.” Spencer handed over the picture of her stretching.

“And what is the gender?”

Spencer leaned over Aaron’s shoulder as he handed over the last picture.

“Spencer, I couldn’t even read the ultrasound for Jack.”

“We are having a girl.” Spencer knew that he was smiling hard because his cheeks were starting to hurt but he couldn’t stop.

“We?” Aaron asked. Aaron looked at Spencer, but Spencer looked away. The incredulity of hearing the word questioned was making Spencer feel upset.

“I’m having a girl,” Spencer said as he stood up. He didn’t pay attention to the photos that were falling to the floor in his rush to escape. Spencer couldn’t breathe. He tried to breathe. Spencer knew that Aaron would start to second guess having a baby at his age. He just hadn’t expected it so quick.

“Spencer?” Aaron called out, he sounded confused and upset.

“I’m sorry that I brought this into your life.” Spencer had his hand on the doorknob when he felt a hand close around his shoulder. Aaron’s hand was warm on his shoulder, but he didn’t squeeze.

“Spencer, I can’t read your mind, and I don’t know what I said that was wrong but I can guess that it was me questioning we. It threw me a little, is all. You’ve always referred to her as the baby. The baby, a baby. This was the first time that you have used a personal pronoun about the baby. I expected an I, not we. I want her, Spencer.” Aaron laid his head between Spencer’s shoulder blades. He wrapped his arms around Spencer’s waist and held him tight. “I love her already before I have even met her, just like with Jack. She’s ours.”

“I’m messed up.”

“No, you are not. You are going with what you have been taught, Spencer. That everyone leaves. We need talk a little more I think about us and the addition of a baby to the family.”

“I need to get books. Baby books and raising girl books and just books. JJ wanted to come along, taking Will and Henry, and you. Then stop for dinner, telling both Jack and Henry tonight.”

“Has she been book shopping with you before?” Aaron asked, his voice full of laughter, despite the fact that they were still not looking at each other. Spencer turned in Aaron’s arms.

“Why do you think I agreed to have everyone go? I fully figure that everyone will be loaded down with books.” Spencer forced a smile on his face. The slight frown on Aaron’s told Spencer that Aaron knew he was forcing a smile.

“I think that maybe we need to go shopping at lunch.”

“For books?” Spencer questioned.

“For rings. We’ve spent so many weekends on cases lately and when we are home we just want to relax, spend time with Jack. I think that mentally, you’ll do better with a ring on your finger reminding yourself that you are mine. I know that only time and proving that I am not going to leave you will prove to you that I am here to stay, but I hope that a ring will help.”

“It’s not needed, Aaron.”

“No, it is. You told me that your sessions with Doctor Sayre have been good. You are down to a single session a week, and you’ve not had a nightmare. We’ve talked more in the last three months since we found out that JJ was pregnant, but you are still holding some things of yourself back. I haven’t pushed because I know that we are still a little rocky. I wanted us to be on a surer footing before we do. We have a deeper relationship than we had before.”

“We do,” Spencer agreed.

“So rings?”

“Yes. We can go and look at rings at lunch.”

Hours later, Spencer was standing in the baby section of the biggest bookstore in DC. The ring on his finger was a reminder of what he had going well in his life. He had worn it back from the shop that he and Aaron had gone to in Quantico. The bands were platinum, simple bands with no adornment. The store catered to those on the base, so there were plenty of rings in men’s sizes. No one had noticed the rings after they got back to the bullpen.

Spencer knew that it was there because the weight was something that he wasn’t used to. Every time that he moved his hand in front of his face, he had to look at the ring. Spencer had also caught Aaron looking at the ring on his finger several times throughout the day.

“That’s a charming ring,” Will said as he came to stand beside Spencer.

“Thanks,” Spencer said as he grabbed the first book that he saw and opened it up. Will stayed right there though, just waiting.

“JJ wants to tell the boys after we leave here. It won’t be long before they notice where you are and come over to see what books you are looking at.”

“Jack’s asked about a little sibling. He has several classmates who are expecting or just had a little sibling born. That brought up a discussion of why men can’t give birth and how it would be impossible to have a sibling that is both mine and Aaron’s DNA.”

“At least you can explain it to him. When did Aaron propose?”

“When JJ and you told us about the baby. Every time we made plans to go and find rings, something came up. We went at lunch today.”

“Sounds like it was time. I noticed that Hotch is wearing one as well.”

“I think that’s more for me than him. I see my claim on him.”

“JJ says that you have been happier, happier than you had been even before that morning. If he makes you happy, grab it with both hands, Spencer.”

“Even if you don’t like him personally much?” Spencer asked.

“I’m holding my tongue because he does make you happy and he’s been good at showing how much he is changed by what he did. All one has to do is catch him looking at you when he thinks no one else is looking at him. He looks lovestruck and happy. I wasn’t around him before he and Haley were ended, but I saw the picture in Jack’s room that day when we told you about the baby. He looked happy in that picture, but I could tell it was before Jack, and something was missing in his eyes. I can understand why he would be gutted by even thinking you were cheating but he did react strongly and without thinking. Which think about it, when did he last do anything without thinking it to death.”

Spencer nodded as Jack came around the corner of the bookshelf and looked at what Spencer was looking at.

“Why are you looking at books about babies?” Jack asked. He was looking up at Spencer with wide eyes.

“Well, Jack,” Spencer tried to stall by looking around and finding Aaron, but the man wasn’t in sight anywhere in the store in front of him. He turned to look behind him and found Aaron right there.

“Because Spencer has a baby on the way,” Aaron said as he wrapped an arm around Spencer’s waist and tucked himself into Spencer’s side.

“But Spencer said that men can’t get pregnant,” Jack pointed out.

“Yes he did, and he’s right, but that doesn’t mean that Spencer can’t have a baby. He has a good friend who is carrying the baby for him.”

“Aunt JJ?” Jack asked as his eyes sought out the woman, who was still in the kid’s book section with Henry.

“Yes,” Will said as he picked up Jack and showed him where JJ was.

“I noticed that she was bigger, but dad has told me it’s not nice to ask about people gaining weight as there are a lot of reasons for someone to get bigger and I don’t need to know unless they offer to tell me. Mrs. Bamford at school was a lot bigger at the start of the school year, but I didn’t ask. Then she had a baby. I was going to ask Aunt JJ if she was having a baby. Aunt JJ is nice, having a baby for you Spencer.”

“Yes, she is,” Spencer said, trying not to cry at Jack’s words. Such innocence. Spencer looked at Aaron with a watery smile on his face. “She’s the best woman in the world.”

JJ stood up from where she was and started to led Henry towards them. She stopped at a display of books and picked one up with a huge smile on her face. JJ started towards them again, and as she got close, she handed the book to Henry and whispered in his ear. The toddler ran at Spencer and handed the book over. It was a book of baby names.

“Thought you might want that.”

“I was going to look at them. Those are in the nine hundreds of the Dewey decimal system. Medical is six hundreds.”

“Have you entertained the thought that Spencer is just going to get worse as the pregnancy progresses. He read all the books about pregnancy with Henry.” Aaron sounded smug when saying it and Spencer knocked his elbow into Aaron’s ribs. “You are adorable when you obsess and worry.”

“Only you would call him adorable and not a bother.,” JJ teased.

“I have to be the one to love him no matter how he is. Now, you’ve looked at these books for an hour. We already have seventeen on the raising of a daughter and a child so pick the medical books you want. I’m hungry.”

“Go start checking out the other ones, and I’ll be there before you are done to add what I want of these.” Spencer blushed as a kiss was placed right behind his ear. JJ’s eyes widened in shock at the very public display of affection from Aaron. Aaron let go of Spencer and moved towards the register. Jack stayed with Spencer while Will and Henry followed Aaron. JJ just smiled and held her hands out. Spencer started to pick through the books and found the ones that were the most technical. There were only ten that he wanted that he hadn’t read the last time that JJ had been pregnant. Spencer handed Jack two of them, one which was for explaining the birth and pregnancy to a child with child-friendly pictures. JJ took two, and Spencer carried the other ten up to the checkout desk. Spencer pulled out two of his cloth book bags from his messenger bag. Aaron loaded up the first while Spencer worked on the second as the books were scanned. Spencer was packing the last up as the cashier finished the transaction to prepare for the card to pay. Spencer was digging out his wallet as he heard the swipe of a card.

Aaron was smirking at him as he slipped his card back into his wallet. Spencer glared at him and shoved his wallet back into his bag. Aaron took possession of the first bag of books after he finished inputting his pin number in the card device. Spencer took the second bag before Will got a wild hair and decided to try and take them. Will laughed as Jack started to move forward out of the bookstore but stopped, reaching back to take Henry’s hand. JJ stepped up and took Henry’s other hand, and Will grabbed Jack’s.

“We are going to take the books outside and put them in our car. We don’t need to take them into the restaurant,” Aaron said as he reached out to take Spencer’s free hand and pulled him towards where they had parked their car. Spencer glared at him again but all Aaron did was smile. The car wasn’t that far away, but Spencer turned to look at where Jack wasn’t even looking back at them. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust JJ or Will with Jack, but he was loathe to let him or Henry out of his sight. He knew he was being irrational. “You are going to be a helicopter parent aren’t you?”

“No. I just…” Spencer frowned as he let go of Aaron’s hand as the man popped the trunk on the car.

“You just what?” Aaron asked setting his bag of books in the trunk before taking Spencer’s as well. He dug out the baby names book and handed it over. “I’m sure that are a few in there that won’t be attached to serial killers, that’s where you are going to be luckier than me.”

“You’ve still never told me how you ended up with the name Jack. I asked you on our third date, and you kissed me to distract me.”

“Every other name that Haley brought up reminded me too much of cases. The only one that Jack reminded me of before that is Jack the Ripper.”

“Not Johann Unterweger?”

Aaron didn’t answer just raised an eyebrow that said he didn’t know the name.

“Jack Unterweger was an Austrian serial killer that I won’t bore you with the details of. Obviously, the most notorious Jack is Jack the Ripper, despite him not being American either.”

“But while I have studied Jack the Ripper, it’s not like I chased him or broke down his crimes for patterns. We’ve only had copycat killers after and those came after Jack was born, and not all of them were male.”

Spencer lowered his head in a little bit of shame. He remembered every single aspect of that case. It was one of the few things that Spencer ever regretted about his descension into drugs. He didn’t think that Aaron brought it up for that reason, but he felt that he might have been able to solve that case quicker if he hadn’t been too worried about his personal life and Ethan. Spencer heard the shutting of the trunk lid, and he turned to head to where he could see JJ and Will stopped in front of the kid’s toy store. Spencer liked this strip mall in Alexandria because it had the perfect shops and a lovely Thai restaurant that Jack loved to eat at. The bookstore was one of the best in the area without having to go to a large mall.

Aaron didn’t say anything as he slipped up to Spencer’s side and wrapped his arm around his waist. His hip was squeezed like Aaron was saying that he was sorry for bringing up something that upset him but the words were not said. It wouldn’t even have been an issue, but Spencer was still going to a lot of meetings with the Beltway Clean Cops. He’d been craving too much to handle it on his own, or even with Aaron’s help and sometimes just thinking of that case would bring up memories of how he felt at that time. Thankfully, Will didn’t really bring up memories of that case just by being, it was more the Florida case that he brought up memories of. Spencer had cleaned up on that betting pool that Prentiss had started in the wake of getting the exact date of the first time that a phone call was made between the two of them and who started it. Spencer had got it exactly right that it was two days after they had got home and that it was Will that had called. Morgan had tried to call foul on it, but JJ had made it plain that no one had been told about the relationship, even her mother.

“Spencer!” Jack cried out, and he dropped Will’s hand, running towards Spencer. Jack raised up his hands as he got close, so Spencer leaned down and picked him up, moving towards where Will and JJ were still standing in front of the toy shop still. Spencer looked inside, and he saw exactly what Jack was so excited about. “Please?”

“Of course. You guys go ahead and head to the restaurant so that we don’t lose our table. Jack and I will be in as soon as we can.” Spencer opened the door of the shop and entered, Jack still in his arms. When he looked back, Aaron was giving him a strange look, but Spencer just smiled and waved him away.

There tucked into the back of the shop was a display that made Spencer smile.

“Well, which costume do you want? The Kokiri, Zora, or Goron Tunic?” Spencer asked.

“I don’t know.” Jack wiggled, and Spencer set him down. The boy moved over to touch each of the tunics that were on the child sized mannequins. Spencer checked the price tag and figured that he could get away with all three with other things as well, but given that the boy was growing, he figured that just getting one would be just fine.

“Your son has a good eye,” a woman said as she stepped up to them. Spencer opened his mouth to refute the statement when Jack turned his head and smiled at the woman.

“Papa lets me watch him play all the time on his Wii and on his 64. I’m still working on the Jabu-Jabu dungeon. Can we do the Zora costume, Papa?” Jack asked.

“Yes,” Spencer answered, speechless for anything more. Jack started to dig through the tunics to find the size that he needed.

“Winter weight tights are in the cubby underneath the tunics.”

Spencer barely paid attention as Jack picked out the tunic, tights, sword and even shield. Spencer checked the sizes and found that Jack had got two pairs of tights, one that was the size he should wear at that point and the other a size bigger.

“I wanna wear it for Halloween this year. Then Daddy won’t be as upset at you buying this for me, and when we do our game days, I’ll wear it. He doesn’t like to buy clothes that I won’t get a lot of use out of. We have to get this for you, Papa!” Jack ran over and picked up an adult sized Hero Hat with elfin ears attached to it. Spencer smiled and added the hat to his growing pile of things. There were even shoe covers to make regular shoes look like boots. Jack picked out a pair that fit over his shoes with a little room to grow. Spencer spotted a pair of gloves on one of the higher shelves that was just out of Jack’s eyesight. It was fingerless gloves with the Triforce on the back of the left hand. Spencer grabbed a pair of those in Jack’s size and in his own. There was no way that Aaron would wear the gloves. He would laugh at the two of them, but he wouldn’t ever say anything about them geeking out.

Spencer paid for the outfit as well as all of its little additions, and Jack was smiling as he held his bag. He tugged on the sleeve of Spencer’s shirt.

“Can I change into it and wear it at dinner?” Jack asked.

“One on condition, you have to wear a napkin tucked into your shirt and one over your lap, so you don’t get anything on it.”

“Okay.”

“We have a restroom over there,” the lady who checked them out said with a smile on her face that said that a lot of kids used the bathroom to change in. While Jack was in there changing, Spencer looked around. He’d never paid too close attention to the shop before. It was a niche store that was sure. There was the small section with Legend of Zelda things in it and a few other items from games that Spencer recognized and a few other Japanese style things. He knew the white kitten that he saw on a lot of items for young girls. Spencer figured that they would be back for more Zelda things as Jack was in love with watching Spencer play the game. Spencer had started to play the games when he was a kid. His father had bought one of the Nintendo’s when Spencer was seven hoping that it would help him be like other boys. The only games that Spencer had gotten into were the first and second Zelda games. Over the years Spencer bought each new Nintendo system as it came out so he could play each of the Zelda games as they were released. He had the entire collection. Jack though didn’t really like to watch Spencer play any of the games before Ocarina of Time, but Spencer was okay with that as it gave him time to play by himself, or playing while Aaron read a book.

“How do I look?” Jack asked as he exited the bathroom.

“Like a little Zorafied Link,” Spencer said with a smile. He held out his hand for the bag with Jack’s clothes in it, transferring it to his left hand before holding out his right for Jack to take. Jack gladly did, and they exited the store. They walked down the sidewalk until they got to the Thai restaurant. As soon as Jack entered, the hostess, Achara smiled at him, and Spencer swore that her face nearly broke from smiling.

“Mr. Aaron is in the back, Spencer. The little room,” Achara said as Spencer came up to stand with Jack. Spencer nodded his thanks and laid a hand on Jack’s shoulder to help guide him into the room where the rest of them were waiting on them. Aaron’s eyes widened as they locked on Jack’s form.

“I see why he wanted you to go in with him,” Aaron said with a smile on his face. Jack didn’t say anything at all. Instead, he moved to sit down in the free seat beside Henry. Spencer took the seat beside him and Aaron.

“I bought myself a few things,” Spencer said. He set the bag down between the chairs. Jack grabbed his napkin and laid it across his lap while Spencer grabbed one of the ones that weren’t being used and handed it over to Jack. Jack tucked it into his collar so that the majority of the tunic was protected.

“What is that costume?” Will asked.

“It’s from a video game that Papa plays,” Jack said. He was picking up the cup of water that was at his spot and took a drink of it. Every single adult eye at the table moved to look at Jack and then at Spencer.

“Papa?” Aaron asked, but his face was full of emotion.

“Well, Papa’s going to be having a baby, and if I call Papa Spencer then the baby will call him Spencer, and he needs to call him Papa.”

“She needs to call him Papa,” Aaron said, choking on his words. He covered by taking a drink of his glass of tea that was on the table.

“She?” Jack asked.

“Yes,” Spencer said as Aaron nodded. The conversation between Jack and JJ about the baby, with Henry listening, turned quieter, so Spencer turned to Aaron. “The lady in the store called him my son, and he just called me Papa while talking about how I let him watch while I play. I might have been a little overboard with the costume in response to the shock of being called Papa for the first time.”

“I am not shocked.”

“You don’t mind him wearing it while we eat?” Spencer asked, a little unsure of if he had overstepped a boundary of some kind with that.

“I’ve learned in my life with you to not expect the expected. While it’s a shock and not something that I would have allowed, I am glad that you allowed him to. He looks excited and being a little weird is something I think that both he and I need more of in our lives. You don’t have to second-guess decisions like that about Jack, I won’t ever second guess them unless it’s dangerous, but I think that in those dangerous ones you’ll make the right decisions. I won’t second guess you in front of him, ever. My parents did that with Sean all the time, and it only hurt Sean, knowing that he caused our parents to fight.”

Spencer barely reacted as a cup of Thai coffee was set in front of him. He looked up at the waiter, but it was a new one.

“Thank you,” Spencer murmured as he looked back at Aaron. Aaron laid a hand on Spencer’s thigh, just warming the skin under his pants, a reassuring weight.

“So Morgan asked me why I was being so silent about this pregnancy today, Spencer. While you and Hotch were talking,” JJ said.

“And what did you answer?”

“I told him that I just feel different about this pregnancy. It’s my second, and I’m allowed to be how I am about it.” JJ turned to look at Henry, a smile on her face. “We do need to tell them soon though. Garcia is getting very upset that I haven’t named her the baby’s godmother.”

“After the appointment where you were originally going to find out about the sex of the baby,” Spencer said.

“Good. That’s two weeks. You know that Morgan is going to be very in your business. I know that Rossi was able to keep it quiet about the relationship, but it’s going to come to light because Spencer, Hotch won’t just sit back and let them pick on you for wanting the kid. You know Morgan is going to question it.”

“Should we be…” Spencer trailed off and looked at Henry.

“While you were with Jack in the toy store, JJ and Will told Henry about the baby.”

“Ilia,” Spencer said.

“Ilia?” Aaron and JJ asked at the same time.

“I like the name.”

“So you didn’t even need the name book.”

“No, I need a middle name or two,” Spencer said with a smile on his face. Jack drew his attention to the menu, and Spencer let the conversation wash over him as he paid attention to Jack. Aaron kept his hand on his thigh until it was time to eat. Spencer tried to think about anything that wasn’t telling the team what was really going on. He hated to share his personal life, and that was all that he had been doing for months. Talking to strangers about what had happened, talking to his therapist about what happened, and even the Bureau psychologist before he was allowed back onto the team, in a desk job and then again to be cleared to go out into the field. Doctor Sayre had given her recommendation on each of those, but she wasn’t a psychologist that was on the FBI’s approved list. Spencer hadn’t liked the one that was on the approved list that dealt with agents who were raped.

Happy conversation and good food followed and by the time that Aaron had Jack in bed and Spencer was sitting on the couch, trying not to turn on the TV just to have noise, it was nearly the time in which Spencer and Aaron should be in bed as well. Aaron though had asked Spencer to wait right there, and Spencer was willing to do what he wanted.

Spencer had his head laying back on the back of the couch cushion when he felt Aaron straddle his lap. Spencer tilted his head down to look at him. Aaron was smiling.

“What’s got you in such a happy mood tonight?” Spencer asked as he reached up to brush a little bit of the fringe of Aaron’s hair off of his forehead. It was time for him to get another haircut. Aaron didn’t answer at first, just settled on Spencer’s lap a little more, bracing his arms on the back of the couch and boxing Spencer in.

“Jack called you Papa.”

“Yes. I was there.”

“Spencer, he hasn’t asked me about it or talked to me about it at all. I didn’t coach him nor did we pick out a name to call you. He chose to call you Papa, on his own.”

“Oh,” Spencer said. He figured that Aaron had talked to him about it, or that Jack had asked Aaron. Jack had called him that all on his own. Spencer’s gut twisted. Jack shouldn’t love him like that, not so soon. Not wholly as that. Before Spencer could say anything, Aaron was kissing him. Spencer grabbed the older man’s hips and pulled him closer as the kiss deepened. Spencer could feel the emotion in the kiss. Aaron was good at that, making Spencer feel what Aaron was feeling even when words failed the stoic man.

Spencer started to work open Aaron’s shirt, wanting to touch and feel skin. Aaron moaned into the kiss at the first touch of Spencer’s fingers on his bare skin. Spencer trailed his hands back to Aaron’s back before he let his fingers move down Aaron’s spine. He curled his fingers just enough to where his nails were barely touching Aaron’s skin and then dragged his fingers around to Aaron’s sides. Aaron moaned harder, and his whole body undulated, seeking more. Spencer gladly did it again, just slightly higher up on Aaron’s body. Aaron pressed Spencer’s head into the couch, harder, seeking more contact between their bodies. It allowed Spencer to slip his hands up higher on Aaron’s skin, up to his shoulder blades, before he raked his nails just a bit harder down Aaron’s back, resting on his ass.

“Bed,” Aaron whispered harshly as he finally broke the kiss. Aaron shoved himself backward off of the couch so fast that Spencer was afraid he’d fall back. Spencer waited until he made sure that Aaron wasn’t going to fall before he got up off of the couch to follow Aaron into the bedroom. He peeked in at Jack, watching the boy breathe as he slept for a few seconds.

Entering the master bedroom, Spencer pulled the door shut. Aaron had taken off his socks and his shirts, but he still had his pants, with belt on. Spencer used the rug around the bed to pull off his socks without leaning over while working on his own shirt. Aaron stripped the comforter off of the bed and even the sheet. Spencer turned to throw his shirt over into the dry clean pile, and before he could turn back around, Aaron was there, hands on Spencer’s hips. Spencer startled at the quickness of the other man, but it didn’t stop Aaron from kissing him again.

Aaron wrapped his arms around Spencer’s waist and started to tug him towards the bed. Spencer didn’t even try and fight it at all. When they got closer, Aaron turned them so that when Spencer’s legs bumped the bed, they went down, bodies tangled. The air was knocked out of Spencer’s lungs, but he didn’t even let it stop the kiss. He loved kissing Aaron. He could do it for hours and not tire of it.

Spencer didn’t like his legs hanging over the bed, so he scooted back some and to the side so that they could both fit on the bed. Aaron growled as Spencer’s lips left him and he followed Spencer up the bed. Spencer felt an arm slide under his head, trapping him, as another grabbed his hip, pressing him down into the bed a little bit. Aaron thrust into him, gasping as their cocks rubbed on each other’s hip.

“Naked, I want you naked,” Aaron said as he pushed himself up to his knees. Spencer started to work on his own pants, resisting the urge to move down and lick at Aaron’s cock. He didn’t think that it was what was on Aaron’s mind. Spencer nearly knocked Aaron over in his rush to get his boxers off with his pants, but Aaron didn’t even stop as he grabbed Spencer’s pants to jerk them off of his feet. Aaron threw the pants away so hard that Spencer heard them near slam into the wall. Spencer was glad that he had taken his phone and keys out and left them in the living room. He would have to make sure to grab the phone before they fell asleep.

“Aaron, slow down,” Spencer panted as his hips were grabbed and he was pulled down to where Aaron wanted him. He was all for a fast and rough time of sex, but this was something more than that. He just couldn’t think well enough to figure out what.

“Need you,” Aaron whispered before claimed Spencer’s lips in a kiss. Spencer reached out for the lube and was shocked when he found it already open. It was a smaller bottle, easily maneuvered with one hand, especially Spencer’s dexterous hands. Spencer poured out a little, all without looking, before he closed the cap and let the bottle fall to the bed. Spencer reached down to coat Aaron’s cock, but his hand was stopped most of the way there. Aaron had to have not realized what Spencer had done because his hand was manipulated to Spencer’s cock. Spencer hissed as his hand was wrapped around his cock by Aaron’s hand and pumped up and down it. The pressure was just right, and Spencer could only pant as his cock was worked by their joined hands.

“Aaron,” Spencer moaned as his hand was let go. “Please.”

Aaron didn’t answer, he just grabbed Spencer’s hip and wrapped his other arm around Spencer’s shoulders. Spencer felt the man’s body go tense just seconds before he rolled them on the bed. As Spencer came up on top, he braced his arm on the bed to stop himself from slamming down into Aaron. He looked down at Aaron, staring into lust darkened eyes.

“Need you,” Aaron repeated. He grabbed Spencer’s hips and pulled him down, thrusting up into Spencer’s body. “Need you in me.”

Spencer gasped as he figured out what Aaron wanted. His entire body stiffened and his heart started to race. He could feel his hands start to sweat and his vision cloud over. Spencer didn’t see Aaron under him. He was seeing JJ. Her hands pushing at Spencer, trying to get him off of her. He could hear her screaming, but he couldn’t understand the words. Her face was full of agony and despair. Spencer tried to blink to make the images go away, but it only got worse. Every time he opened his eyes, he saw JJ with a black eye or his hands holding hers down as he thrust into her. His nightmares being relieved right before his eyes. Spencer tried to shake free of the nightmare before him, and as he fought with himself, the vision in front of him changed. It morphed from JJ to Aaron, but it wasn’t his Aaron.

Aaron was staring up at him with dead eyes, resigned to the what was happening to him. There was blood all over him from the fight that he had put up, the fight to stop Spencer from raping him. Spencer cried out and jerked out of whatever was holding him. He fell to the floor, but the pain of his body was barely registered as he felt the need to get away. Spencer scrambled to his feet and ran to the bathroom. He didn’t even attempt to stop at the toilet. Spencer flung open the door on the shower and nearly fell inside. He turned on the water as he dry heaved once before his stomach revolted and Spencer threw up.

The cold water helped to remove the last of the nightmare from his eyes, but still, he laid there on his knees, his stomach rolling. He felt the water warm up but didn’t care as he knelt there, throwing up everything that was left in his belly. Spencer looked outside of the shower and found that Aaron wasn’t in the bathroom. The door was shut, and Spencer didn’t remember closing it. Spencer reached up and turned a little bit hotter water on so that the water warmed up a little bit more. He leaned against the wall, sighing as his stomach tried to rebel again. Spencer tried to will it away. Tried to make it stop because he hated throwing up. It was the worst thing in the world to him. He turned his head to where the water was falling over him, glad that the last time the shower had been used the head had been directed a different way than normal. A quick morning blow job under the water seemed so far away at the moment.

A sob bubbled up in Spencer’s throat as he laid there against the wall. He had been doing so well. He hadn’t had a nightmare in a month, he hadn’t had a freak out in just as long. Him being on top was something that he hadn’t even realized they hadn’t done. Even in the lazy morning make outs or make-out sessions on the couch, Aaron was always on top.

The water got hotter again, and Spencer curled tighter as he sobbed harder. A hand touched his shoulder, and Spencer jerked away from it, spinning around to see Aaron kneeling beside him. Aaron reached out again, but Spencer flinched, afraid for a second that the touch would hurt. Aaron just gently cupped his shoulder, turning him a little more into the water. Aaron shifted his legs to where he was sitting on his ass on the floor of the shower, he was still naked, and Spencer tried to curl a little tighter into himself. Aaron said nothing as he slotted himself beside Spencer. Aaron’s hands rubbed all over Spencer’s shoulder and back, trying to calm him down, but the sobs wouldn’t stop. He was broke. Spencer didn’t know what he could ever do that, be on top again. He never wanted to see JJ afraid of him, even in a nightmare but to see Aaron like that, his eyes dead as he was raped. Spencer wanted to move away from Aaron so that the man wasn’t touching him, but he wasn’t strong enough because he was craving the touch as well. His body knew that he was safe when those hands were touching him. He knew that everything was going to be okay because Aaron was there.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron whispered as he finally moved in close enough to where Spencer could feel his skin. Spencer didn’t fight it as Aaron pulled him up and into his lap, letting the water still fall on them. Spencer tucked his head into Aaron’s neck, feeling himself still sobbing. He didn’t understand why Aaron was apologizing. Aaron hadn’t done anything wrong. Aaron wasn’t the problem, Spencer knew that he was the problem. He wanted to be strong enough to tell Aaron to leave him, to let him go because Aaron didn’t need him and his problems in his life.

“Aaron,” Spencer started, a sob cracking in the middle.

“Shush, Spencer. Just let it out. I have you, you are safe right now.”

Spencer turned his head into Aaron a little sharper, muffling his sobs into the wet skin as he cried. He didn’t even try and stop himself. He just laid there in Aaron’s arms and let the man hold him together. When the water started to cool, Spencer felt Aaron reach up and grab something. It was Spencer’s loofah. Aaron drizzled some of the body wash onto it and lathered it up. Spencer barely heard him as he whispered that he needed to get the lube off of Spencer. Spencer nodded and looked away as Aaron cleaned him up.

Aaron rinsed Spencer off before doing something to himself with the loofah and then making Spencer stand up. Spencer didn’t even try and help wash his body off. Instead, he just stood there as Aaron directed him where to go. When they stepped out of the shower, Spencer saw that there were two piles of sleep clothes on the counter beside the sink. Spencer reached out for the towel that was on the counter. Aaron reached it first though. Spencer closed his eyes as Aaron started to dry him off. There wasn’t anything sexual to what they were doing, but it wasn’t helping Spencer calm down at all. When Aaron pulled the towel away, Spencer grabbed the clothes and started to dress. Aaron didn’t fight him, and instead, when Spencer turned around to look, he was drying himself off.

Spencer stepped into the bedroom and saw his phone sitting on the bedside, and the bed was remade with different bedclothes, the soft and warm ones that Spencer loved. He couldn’t even see the bedding that had been on it before. Spencer felt bad for the short time where he thought Aaron had just left him alone. Aaron had got his phone, changed the bedding, and it looked like he’d cleaned up the clothes as well.

“Spencer?” Aaron asked as he stopped just behind him.

“I’m sorry for what I felt.”

“For what you felt?”

“When I looked around in the bathroom, you weren’t there, and I thought that you’d decided to leave me alone for it.”

“I believed that being able to just go to bed would be more important than you being held while puking, especially since you don’t like people watching you vomit.”

“You aren’t going to make me talk?” Spencer asked.

“Make you, no. See if you want to, yes. Make sure that you call Doctor Sayre in the morning, yes. Make sure you can go and meet her if she has time, yes. But I will not make you talk to me.” Aaron laid a hand on Spencer’s shoulder and squeezed. Spencer turned and put his head on Aaron’s shoulder. He wrapped his arms around Aaron’s neck and just held on. Aaron started to move, walking Spencer back towards the bed. Spencer turned as he knew he was nearing the bed and begun to slip under the covers. When Spencer was fully prostrate on the bed, Aaron covered him up the rest of the way before he slipped in as well. The light was turned off at the side of the bed.

“I didn’t even realize what was happening until I was running. I was freaked out. I didn’t know.”

“No knows what will trigger them the first time. We just have to try and work through it, just like we worked through regular sex. Time and patience.”

Spencer closed his eyes, knowing sleep would take time and there was a significant percentage of chance that he would wake with at least one nightmare. However, Aaron was there, and that meant that he would be safe and Aaron wasn’t going to fall asleep until Spencer did, just to be safe. It was like he had done every time that Spencer had a nightmare. Aaron rolled Spencer onto his front some, pressing Spencer into the bed. Spencer knew he needed to talk more and he started to. Going through every emotion that he felt as he felt it, while Aaron listened. He talked and talked until he finally passed out.

Shattered Dream scene separator

Aaron looked out of his office, shocked to see the bullpen empty of his team. Spencer, JJ, and Prentiss all three being gone from their desks at two in the afternoon was rare. Aaron knew that JJ had her appointment for the ultrasound to just double check that everything was okay after the fall two weeks before, but she’d been able to keep it quiet, telling the team that she had a late lunch with Will planned. Aaron remembered her coming back after that. Spencer hadn’t gone to the appointment just to keep the others from asking too many questions. It was only a matter of time though.

Ten minutes later, none of the team was in the bullpen still, so Aaron went to find them. He went to Morgans office and then Garcia’s, which were both empty. When he entered the main bullpen again, he heard Dave’s laughter and looked to his office, to see it empty. But the round table room held the people he was looking for. Aaron crested the stairs to find JJ and Spencer sitting on the small couch while the rest of the team was seated at the table. Garcia had her laptop in front of her and the others files. JJ’s feet were resting on a chair that had been pulled away from the table. She had a tablet in her hand. Her personal tablet.

“I am not kidding,” Morgan said as Aaron entered the room. No one even registered that Aaron was there, laughing away at whatever story Morgan was telling.

“How did you not notice?” Dave asked. He waved his hand at his throat, pointing at his Adam’s apple. “If you were that close, wouldn’t you have seen it?”

“The correct application of makeup or a choker would conceal an Adam’s apple from everything except a tactile examination,” Spencer said.

“I didn’t realize that he was a he dressed as a woman until he moved behind me and I felt an erection. It threw me but he was hot, so I didn’t stop dancing with him. Afterward, we took a table and talked. He was shocked that I didn’t punch him, but I said that he was hot and that was all that mattered. I did not go home with him, but then I wasn’t looking to pull that night.”

“Still I would have loved to have seen your face when you realized it,” Prentiss said.

JJ was still giggling, leaning on Spencer but Dave looked up at Aaron and moved him into the room. The other door was shut, so Aaron closed the one he came in. Morgan, Prentiss, and Garcia looked up at him in mild shock before trying to act professional and going back to work.

“Early afternoon break?” Aaron asked

“Everyone is working,” Spencer said, not looking up from his pile of files. Aaron cocked an eyebrow in disbelief and looked at JJ. “No one will be able to say that she’s not working.”

“You are doing her files aren’t you?” Aaron asked with a smile on his face. Spencer wasn’t even looking up at him. JJ was unashamedly looking on her tablet.

“I’m baby shopping,” JJ said. She looked up at Aaron, smiled and winked before looking back at the tablet. She showed Spencer something on the tablet, and he smiled and nodded. JJ laid a hand on her stomach, and her eyes widened, and she dropped the tablet onto her legs and grabbed Spencer’s hand. She laid it over a spot on his belly and Spencer frowned.

“JJ, you already did that with Henry. You freaked him out, and he didn’t go near you for days. Are you trying to traumatize him?” Morgan asked.

Before JJ could say anything, Spencer’s face lit up, and he looked at her with a brilliant smile on his face. Spencer looked up and sought out Aaron, waving him over. Aaron came over and dropped down to his knees. Spencer grabbed his hand and laid it over the spot his hand had been at. Aaron waited for what he knew was coming. He felt the small push on his hand.

“She’s been active all morning, and that’s why I am up here. I came up here first, and then the others followed.”

Aaron left his hand where it was, Spencer’s over top of it. There was no hiding any of it anymore. Not his and Spencer’s relationship, not the nature of JJ’s pregnancy. None of it. Aaron was kind of thankful for that. He would have told the team earlier, but Spencer hadn’t wanted to, and Aaron would do anything for him.

“What’s going on? Why do they get to feel the baby kick?”

“Spence?” JJ asked. Spencer nodded. “Because I lied to you guys about the conception date. Will and I had been trying to have a baby for a few months. I did not take the morning after pill because of that. There was a high chance that I was already pregnant but not enough to register on a test. I was ovulating at the time of the rape. Will and I discussed it, and there was just too high of a chance. So I waited. The earliest a paternity test could be done was at eight weeks. It is a newer test and the only reason that insurance covered it was because of the rape. Spence is the father. So we had a talk, and Spencer wants the baby, so I am his surrogate.”

Everyone else in the room was speechless. Aaron realized that his hand was still on JJ’s belly, so he slipped it out from between JJ’s stomach and Spencer’s hand.

“That still doesn’t explain why Hotch was touching,” Prentiss said.

“Because Spencer and I have been in a relationship.”

“You seriously started a relationship with Reid after what happened?”

Spencer slid the files out of his lap and stood up. Aaron could tell that he was pissed.

“Rossi, do you mind if we use your office?” Spencer asked.

“Don’t break anything,” Rossi said.

“Morgan, go!” Spencer pointed towards the door. Morgan acted like he wasn’t going to go. “I will drag you.”

Morgan stood up and moved towards the door. Spencer waited until he was inside of Dave’s office before he left the room. The slam of both doors said how pissed off Spencer was. Aaron could see that the rest of the agents in the bullpen were making themselves scarce. Anderson was the only one that stayed but even he tried to act like he wasn’t listening.

“No matter how you look at it, Hotch, Morgan was bound to get pissed. It wasn’t exactly hidden knowledge that Reid’s boyfriend at the time of the rape was acting like an asshole,” Dave said. Aaron didn’t even glare at him, he just looked at him.

“But Morgan always looks for the worst with Hotch. Look at what he thought about Hotch after Foyet attacked him. Morgan fights him at every single opportunity. There was no way that Morgan would think anything less than Hotch going after Spence when he was vulnerable.” JJ rubbed her belly and looked at the door that Spencer had gone through.

“So which is it? Were you the asshole boyfriend that left Spencer the morning of his rape or the creepy new boyfriend that took advantage of him when he was weak?” Prentiss asked.

Aaron opened his mouth to answer when there was a thud and the sound of glass breaking from Dave’s office. Aaron was to the door before he could even think and running. Anderson was right outside Dave’s office entering. Aaron followed him to find him with his hand on his gun but it wasn’t drawn and Morgan on the other side of the room, a hole in the wall beside him and one of Dave’s pictures on the floor. Anderson didn’t even hesitate to grab Morgan and push him out of the room, taking him out of the picture.

“Reid?” Aaron asked, even though he wanted to be familiar with him, but there were too many eyes. Spencer raised his hand from his gun and looked at Aaron.

“I’m going to get my son from school, and we are going shopping for the crib for Ilia. Don’t expect to hear from me until after I get home.”

Spencer pushed past everyone who was standing in the way of him leaving the office. He stopped at his desk and grabbed his messenger bag. He unhooked his gun and locked it in his desk drawer with a look at Aaron. Aaron knew that meant for him to grab it before he left.

“I think that maybe Rossi should talk to Morgan,” Prentiss said.

“I put Agent Morgan in interrogation three. I also locked him in there,” Anderson said as he came towards them. He handed the key to Aaron before he moved back to his desk to sit down.

“I think that Dave and JJ should go in there,” Aaron said. Aaron was worried about Spencer, but Spencer hadn’t asked him to come with him. He figured that Spencer would text when he was ready for someone besides Jack to be around.

Aaron didn’t even look in the interrogation room. He just leaned in the corner, watching Garcia and Prentiss. Morgan’s knuckles were busted from punching the wall. Aaron was pretty sure that Spencer had kept pushing him and pushing him, but it was Morgan’s fault for allowing him to do it.

“You know that you are replacing the frame and fixing the wall right?” Dave asked.

“Where is Reid?” Morgan asked.

“Not here,” Dave answered.

“I know he’s not in this room but where exactly is he.” Morgan sounded upset.

“None of your concern,” JJ answered in her mother tone. No one on the team questioned that tone, not even Aaron.

“He needs help,” Morgan pleaded.

“No, he doesn’t. I know him better than you. Went through therapy together, Morgan. There are some aspects of his life that I know him better than Hotch does.” JJ’s tone was sharp, sharper than Aaron had heard it in a long time.

“Hotch doesn’t know him. He has to be a protector and Reid is letting the feelings he feels cloud his judgment. Hotch is just going to throw him away when Reid doesn’t need him anymore.”

“I never knew that you felt that Hotch was that much of a horrible person and that you think Spencer is so stupid.”

Aaron felt sorry for Morgan that Morgan thought so little of him and of Spencer. Aaron had actually thought that Spencer and Morgan were real friends but if Morgan thought that about Spencer, he didn’t see where they were.

“He wanted a kid, and after Jack was born, he let his personal life fall apart. If he had really wanted to keep Haley he would have done anything to keep her.”

“I don’t think that I want to be in here. Morgan go home, stay away from Reid, stay away from Aaron until you get your head on straight.” Dave sounded pissed, and it took a lot to make him angry.

Aaron left the room before Morgan could even get out of the interrogation room. He didn’t go back towards the bullpen. He instead went to the shooting range. Aaron didn’t even need to stay, his paperwork was as caught up as it ever was. He just didn’t want to go home to an empty house.

An hour later, Aaron was loading another cartridge into the sniper rifle he was practicing with when he heard the doors open. He didn’t turn to see who it was but when he heard the soft tap of flats, he knew it was JJ. He double checked the safety on the rifle before he set it down. He wasn’t going to fire a gun on the range with JJ on it.

“Morgan is the only one that thinks that Hotch,” JJ said as she came even with him.

“I was more shocked that he even thought it and kept it quiet.”

“You hid a lot of things about your divorce with Haley, but Morgan isn’t thinking at all. If you had left the BAU, you would have resented her. Even before finding out that Haley cheated on you, I never ever thought that the divorce was all your fault. If he said any of that to Spencer, I seriously doubt that Spencer will ever forgive him.”

“He’s not texted me at all.” Aaron pointed where he had his phone out, and while the sound was muted, there was no light blinking that said he had a message.

“He probably won’t until he’s calm. You came here, he immersed himself in Jack and Ilia. I know that you don’t want to go home to an empty house but maybe text Spencer and see if he’s willing to have you meet up with them. I’m glad that Rossi ended the little tete a tete when he did because I was about to go across the table and smack him.”

“I probably would have punched him if I had been in the same room as him.”

“I think that is why Rossi didn’t let you go in there. I believe that it’s also a good thing you had left before Morgan came out. The only person that has to approve of your relationship with Spencer is Jack. Anyone who sees them together can see how much Jack loves Spencer and Spencer loves Jack. While you know that the support of the team is needed, it’s not something that we really have any right to disagree with. Yes, when it comes to issues with the working of the team, we need to have an opinion, but even when things were on rocky ground while you and he were figuring things out, you both were professional in the field. When Spencer was pissed because of issues with therapy that had been brought up, he never once questioned you in the field, and you never questioned him either. You two work seamlessly in the field.”

Aaron nodded, knowing that she spoke the truth, but there was the worry of what Morgan would do. If he truly thought that Aaron was doing what Morgan thought he was doing, he could go above Aaron to take care of it and Strauss, no matter how she was in the aftermath of Morgan and Aaron helping her. She still saw Aaron as a threat and the revealing of the relationship with Spencer would ruin Aaron. Aaron’s phone lit up, and he looked to see that it was a text from Spencer. Aaron picked up the phone and read it over. Spencer was telling him where to meet them for dinner.

“He wants me to join them for dinner at least, but I can tell he’s still upset by the words he is using. I didn’t see this coming, JJ and I should have. It was supposed to be a good thing today. Everyone being happy about Spencer going to become a father. That look on his face when he felt Ilia kick at him. He loves her so much already, and he’s not even met her.”

“You had the same look on your face whenever Jack was brought up before he was born and I saw a little bit of it today when you felt Ilia kick. You love her, too. And if Morgan doesn’t want to see that or won’t that’s his fault.”

“But Spencer is going to be the one caught in the crossfire. Spencer is going to be the one hurt by it all. He’s going to lose Morgan as a friend over this.”

“Then Morgan doesn’t know him if he thinks that Spencer would think himself in love because of everything that has happened. You don’t have that much of a hero issue, Hotch. Yes, you want to help all of us, but you don’t do it to make us more enamored of you. You do it because you hate to see us hurt. Even if you hadn’t been in a relationship with Spencer, you would have offered to let him stay with you after what happened. Just like I offered, and even Rossi offered. Morgan has been upset since the moment he realized that Spencer was going to stay with you. He’s not been happy since Spencer didn’t go running to him for protection. You’ve been forcing yourself not to watch Spencer, so you don’t see that Morgan is. He’s waiting for him to break or something.”

“I haven’t noticed.”

The phone lit up again, and Aaron looked to see that it was Spencer again. There was a picture of a crib and an entire bedroom set for a baby. Rocking chair, changing table, and other odds and ends. It was beautiful. Aaron smiled when the next text told him that Spencer had already bought it and Aaron needed to meet the delivery people.

“I have to go. Spencer finally found a crib that he likes. I need to meet the delivery people.”

“Talk to Spencer, alone. Get him to tell you what Morgan said to him. And figure out what Spencer stated that had Morgan punching the wall and Spencer act like he was going to shoot him.”

Aaron promised her that he would. He wanted to know as well but getting Spencer to talk if he thought something was resolved was worse than getting some UnSubs to confess. Aaron had his work cut out for him.

Hours later, Aaron was sitting in the passenger seat of his own car while Jack was asleep in the back seat, Spencer’s suit jacket covering his upper body while Aaron’s was draped over his legs. Spencer was driving and trying to ignore Aaron. The silence would get to the younger man at some point, and he would start to talk. All of the smaller items bought at stores after the one where the crib and the rest were bought were in the trunk of the car.

“How can Morgan think so little of me and my choice, my wants, in a personal relationship and still trust me in the field?” Spencer asked.

“I have found myself thinking the same thing today. Morgan has questioned me enough in our working relationship that I wasn’t wholly shocked by him questioning my personal but to hear him say that I seduced you while you were vulnerable and am using you, that hurt.”

“I think that he sees Buford when he thinks of you and me. I don’t know what we can do to stop that, he has to figure that out, not us.”

“I still need to know what he said and what you sad. You were both on duty, and as much as most of the rest of the BAU teams scattered, talk will still happen.”

“Morgan is convinced that I’m your midlife crisis. That you are only with me as a hole to fuck-” Spencer paused and looked in the rear view mirror at Jack. Aaron turned his head to look at his son as well, convinced he was asleep. “That when you tire of me, you’ll throw me aside and remove me from the team. I find it funny that he thinks that you could remove me from the team without a fight.”

“You would fight it and win.”

“I’ve calculated a ninety-three percent chance that he is going to tell Strauss. He doesn’t trust that I’m not being manipulated by you.”

Spencer pulled off the road and parked in a cul-de-sac. Aaron looked around, trying to figure out where they were. The street was dark except for the street lights and a few smattering of porch lights.

“I’ve already got a text from my sponsor.”

“Why?” Aaron had never asked about Spencer’s sponsor. That was something that Aaron didn’t need to know about.

“Because the fact that Morgan and I fought has made it all the way through the building.”

“Your sponsor is an FBI agent?”

“Yes. He wants to talk to me tomorrow before work. I plan on meeting him for breakfast.”

“What exactly does he know about our relationship?”

“He knows everything except what he would need to know to figure out that it’s you. I won’t lie if he asks outright.”

“I don’t expect you to.”

Spencer wasn’t looking at Aaron though. Spencer was looking out the window of the car at the house that was in front of them. Aaron was shocked when the younger man got out of the car. He moved to stand in front of the house. Aaron looked at Jack before turning the car off and getting out. He locked the doors as he stepped away. The house was large, and a two story but Spencer wasn’t looking at it, he was looking at the For Sale sign in the front yard. Aaron had known that getting a bigger place was on both of their minds, but Aaron hadn’t wanted to be the one to bring it up. Spencer had emptied his apartment and broke the lease, and he was content at Aaron’s for the moment.

“This,” Spencer said. His voice was full of awe and not a small amount of want.

Aaron turned to look back at the house. There was just enough light that Aaron could see the front corner of the house had a large circular shaped stairway that led up to a second-floor room that had a lot of shelves. On the second floor under the stairs was a sitting room of sorts. The house looked to have a lot of windows in it and felt very open even from the outside. The front yard was small, but that was because of a long fence that ran from the corners of the house far back to the edge of the property. Aaron moved to the fence and looked in the backyard through small cracks in the ten-foot high wooden fence. The backyard was massive. It stretched the entire way across, making it the largest property in the cul-de-sac.

“You want this place?”

“Yes. I was just driving. I saw roads and went down them. Aaron, I want this place.”

“I’ll call in the morning. It’s way too late at night to call right now.”

“I’ll see if the listing is online when we get home.”

Aaron moved back to where Spencer was and directed him back to the car. Instead of getting into the passenger seat though, Aaron moved to the driver’s seat. Spencer didn’t fight him at all. Aaron could see that he was thinking. Probably going over how he wanted his library to be. Aaron hoped that he could get the house. The money from the old house that he had lived in with Haley was just sitting in an account, making money. Aaron could afford a house like the one they had just been at, and if it was what Spencer wanted, Spencer was going to get it.

Shattered Dream scene separator

Spencer entered the bullpen to find Prentiss already at her desk. Prentiss rarely arrived at work before Spencer. He frowned as he took in that she was only acting at working on a file. He looked to see that Rossi was there as well, standing at the door of his office. Spencer turned to see that Strauss was waiting in Aaron’s office. Spencer sighed, moving to his desk to set his things down. His gun was still in Aaron’s car locked in the trunk. He walked towards the hall that Morgan’s office was in. On the way there, he was shocked to see Jack Garrett. The man didn’t leave the IRT office area much, and if he did, he was talking to Rossi.

“Doctor Reid,” Garrett said with a smile on his face. Spencer turned to watch him walk into the BAU bullpen and move towards Aaron’s office. Spencer wanted to follow him, but he wanted to confront Morgan more.

Spencer didn’t even knock on Morgan’s door. Instead, he just opened it. Morgan was sitting at his desk, dressed in street clothes. He looked like he had been there all night.

“I don’t think that you can ever make up for what you have done,” Spencer said as he leaned in the doorway. “Aaron might have made a brash statement that morning, and he hurt me, but he listened after it was all done. He listened, and he did the best he could to make it up to me. You, however, betrayed my trust in a way that will never be fixable. I will never trust you in the field again, I will never trust you with anything that has to do with me.”

“You can’t see what’s happening, Reid.”

“Aaron isn’t using me. He started to talk to a therapist after what happened. To work through the issues that caused him to do what he did that morning. If I was a fling that he doesn’t care about why would he do that? Why would he want to move into a house with me? Why would he let Jack call me Papa?”

Morgan looked at Spencer with shock on his face. He looked lost for words. Like he had never considered that it was a possibility.

“Instead of listening to me or even talking, you made up your mind, and you went to Strauss. I don’t care what you think about Aaron or me, but this was the dirtiest thing that anyone has ever done to me. I don’t want to see you, ever again.”

Spencer turned and left Morgan’s office. He didn’t care about himself anymore. He needed to find Aaron and talk to him. When he entered the bullpen again, Spencer looked up to see John in Aaron’s office along with Strauss and Garrett. Spencer watched as Garrett smiled at John before frowning at Strauss. Strauss looked less than pleased with everything that was happening. Spencer knew that he should probably be in there, but he didn’t want to just barge in. John followed Aaron’s line of sight, and he waved Spencer into the office. Spencer took a breath to fortify himself before he started up to the shut door to Aaron’s office.

“Doctor Reid, thanks for joining us,” John said.

“Assistant Director, Section Chief Strauss, Unit Chief Garrett.” Spencer looked at Aaron who sat down again at his desk. His body language was upset but not overly so.

“Agent Morgan came to me with a few concerns,” Strauss started.

“Which, I laid to rest,” John said. In his hand was a file. He handed it over to Spencer. “You told Doctor Sayre and me that I would have unfettered access to your therapy. I never thought I would need it, but when I went and talked to her first thing this morning, she made sure to tell me that she feared what would happen to you if you were forced to quit your job or leave your fiance.”

“Fiance?” Strauss asked.

“Yes. Now obviously, there are a few issues that have been brought up, and that’s within the team itself. Agent Morgan has caused a few problems, and I agree with Agent Hotchner that he won’t be trusted in the field again with this team. I will be offering him a position in Chicago as the head of the field office there. I think time and distance will be best there.”

“Agent Morgan is an exemplary agent.”

“And he will never be the Unit Chief of the BAU as long as Agent Hotchner wants to stay there,” John said. Strauss huffed and looked at John like she wanted to kill him. “The close rate of the BAU’s cases has stayed at the highest since Hotch took over as the UC from Gideon. Those rates went up a few more percent points when Agent Reid joined the unit.”

“Why would you be allowed access to his physiatrist files?” Garrett asked.

“Because I’ve always had an interest in Agent Reid’s career here at the FBI. I was the one that signed off on him joining the BAU without the actual history needed to do so. Gideon was right that when chasing the worst, brains more than brawn are required, and Reid’s mind is a perfect tool. I agree though that maybe some time and distance are needed there as well. Agent Reid will get to pick his spot within the FBI, for a year. After six months, the new Section Chief of the BAU, Agent Hotchner, and Agent Reid will meet and discuss what will happen. I would make it shorter but with Agent Jareau only about halfway through her pregnancy and with paternity leave for little Ilia, wherever Agent Reid chooses will need some actual time to get used to him.”

“And why is Agent Garrett here?” Spencer asked.

“I was asked here by John, and it works well for me because I would love to take in the now homeless Doctor Agent Reid.”

“The IRT isn’t exactly better than the BAU, especially with a baby on the way,” Spencer said.

“Section Chief Strauss, please come with me while Agent Garrett woos his new genius for the team.” John gave Strauss a look that would have melted steel before he escorted her out of the room.

“I know that the IRT isn’t the best fit but Reid, you know that your mind will go stagnant with a sit behind the desk job. I’ve wanted you on my team for years but knew that you were happy where you were, and I don’t believe in trying to woo someone away from their job when they don’t want to be.” Garrett moved over to the chair beside the couch that Aaron had in his office. Spencer sat down on the couch but at the farthest point away from Garrett. Rossi had asked for his help on a few cases of Garrett’s, but Spencer hadn’t talked to him much at all. Aaron moved over and took the seat at the other end of the couch.

“You are one of the only units in the FBI. I get asked to join other units all the time. The Section Chief for White Collar tries to get me to go out to dinner with her all the time to seek to woo me away from the BAU.” Spencer leaned back on the couch, crossing his left leg over his right. “I don’t want to leave the BAU, but there would be enough of an issue with this getting around that I understand what the AD wants. I’ll take the year away from the BAU with the option of going back but Agent Garrett, I think that before I accept your job offer, we need to talk.”

“Of course, what about?”

“I would want to meet the team you have right now. I know that you’ve nearly swapped out your whole unit over the past few months. I know Monty already. I saw Jarvis and Simmons on the training field. I know Seger better, but then our mutual fascination with other cultures made sure of that.”

“Of course you can come around anytime,” Garrett said, looking like he won the lottery.

“I was thinking a dinner out. Away from prying eyes, away from ears that could hear. Your team along with Aaron and me.”

“I’ll go talk to my team and see when they want to do it. Right now let’s plan for tonight.”

“Sure.”

Garrett stood up and left the office without another word. Spencer leaned his head back on the couch and felt Aaron scoot closer.

“The AD was adamant that you not be fired. Strauss wanted us both fired, but the AD pointed out that no one had been fired for the breaking of the fraternization rule since the sixties. He also said that he wasn’t going to make the first case of a homosexual relationship be the one that gets the most air time. Strauss wants my head, but instead of that, she got herself thrown under a bus. I wasn’t aware that you knew the AD that well. I knew that he had signed off on your joining the unit, but I figured that it was a favor to Gideon.”

“That was, but I don’t wonder if he kept a close eye on me for a long time after. You told me that you were not the one to slip the pamphlet for BCC on my desk.”

“You think he did?”

“It makes sense. Aaron, John is my sponsor,” Spencer whispered. The look that Aaron gave him was priceless.

“I…” Aaron closed his mouth and sighed. “Here I was thinking this whole time that if word got out that you had kept taking, I had so many different plans.”

“John already has plans in place, and I do plan on telling Garrett and the rest of the IRT if they want me on the team. No matter how much Garrett wants me, I won’t go to them unless the whole team is fine with me joining. I know that Monty will be all right with it. We talk a lot.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“It’s mainly over the IM system that he created and talked the brass into installing on the system. I help him code it some. Secure and quick communication between him and a few units that he sometimes needs to get info from for cases. But that’s not what I want to talk about right now. Right not I want to discuss what you think of me taking the job that Garrett is offering. I would have to get a nanny for Ilia, and we can do those interviews together.”

“I already bought the house,” Aaron blurted.

“What?”

“Before I was called in by Strauss, I called the realtor that was in charge of the house, and she accepted my offer. I go later to sign the papers, with you. I have the money in the trust account of mine. You can pay for the movers.”

“It’s ours?” Spencer asked.

“Yes. When I called, she was happy to find out which property I wanted. It’s been on the market a while. Between the size of it and the smaller guest house at the back of the back yard, she’s having trouble selling it.”

“Guest house?”

“That backyard is massive, and she’s having a courier send over her portfolio of pictures. She doesn’t have them online as it was generating too many people who didn’t want to pay what it’s worth. I have bought the house, but there she will let me break it if you don’t like it from the pictures. There is a pool and the guest house used to be a pool house, but the previous owners renovated it for a parent to live before putting them into a nursing home.”

“A second house?” Spencer asked.

“Yes. I was thinking of offering it to Jessica. It would give her a place to live that’s not an apartment, and it would be easier for the picking up and dropping off of Jack during cases. She could just stay in a guest room if we get called on a case at night and watch Ilia until the nanny could get here.”

“You’ve been making a lot of plans.”

“I have. Making them but not implementing them. I’ve not talked to Jessica about it. We will talk with her when it’s time. We have a lot to do to get moved in, but I want to do it soon. Between cases for the BAU and if you join the IRT, we have to make the most of the time we have together in getting the house set up.”

“And you’ll take care of all of the legalities?”

“Yes. If you can’t be there to sign the paperwork for the house, I can add you on later. It won’t be that hard. You worry about the movers.”

“I will. I’m going to head home you take care of the paperwork for everything. I’ll start to look into movers.”

“Wait until the book…” Aaron stopped when Spencer raised an eyebrow. “I’ll look at the book, and you can go and visit the house. I’ll call the realtor.” Aaron smiled as he said it, happiness in his eyes, despite the stress. Spencer leaned over and kissed him.

“I’ll let you know where I am if you text me when you are done for the day.”

Spencer rushed around in the bullpen to get the few files on his desk that were his done before he left. He gave JJ back the files that he had taken of hers to do and the few from Prentiss as well. Spencer made sure that she understood that when it was all said and done, he would let her know what his choice was. He didn’t want to hang around for too long, afraid of what kind of spectacle Morgan would try and start with him. When he was done, he headed to his car to go to the house.

The realtor was waiting for Spencer at on front porch. She had a huge smile on her face and a stack of papers in her hand.

“Doctor Reid, my name is Shana Waters. I am very happy to show you around the house.” Shana opened only the left of the double front doors and waved him inside. Spencer didn’t even wait for her to enter before he went to the corner of the house and the spiral staircase. The little sitting area around it was perfect, plenty of the majority of the sun of the day. He moved up the steps and smiled at the fact that the library was a little bigger than he thought, stretching down a quarter of the western side of the house. There was only a single door, and it led into a hall. The library was everything that Spencer hoped it would be when he had seen it the night before.

Spencer moved around the upstairs before heading down the stairs at the east side of the house. There was a total of five sets of stairs that lead up and down. The library’s, a set in the kitchen, and one on each of the west and east sides of the house, as well as a single set in the middle. With having five staircases, the house had few rooms. The rooms though were massive in their size. There was a room that was right beside the master suite that would work for a nursery for Ilia and a room on the other side that would work for an office for the both of them. Jack’s room would be across the hall, and the rooms on either side of his room could be guest rooms. The library was along the backside of the what would be the nursery. Jack would have fun running up and down the hall that ran from east to west.

The ground floor had a large living room, a huge dining room, and the kitchen was the biggest room in the place. It was set up more for someone who had parties or at least a large family, but it would work for them. Inside the kitchen was a smaller table that was built into a nook that would hold four to six comfortably. It would be where they could sit and eat most of their dinners, even with Jessica joining them.

Shana let him wander around while she waited at the back door. When he was done looking, Spencer moved towards her. She opened the double glass back doors and smiled as he took it in. There was already a tree house in one corner of the yard as well as a few other bits of children’s equipment. The other corner held the large pool and in the middle of the back was the secondary house. It was a two story that looked to have a few rooms in it. It was built into the tree line and looked very cute nestled into the trees around it.

“We want it,” Spencer said turning to Shana.

“Agent Hotchner stated that you would say that in the text he sent me. The owners are selling the house as is, with what furniture they left. They retired to Arizona and are content to not face a winter here again. I can leave you with the keys and go to the Academy and have Agent Hotchner sign the papers. I can also get one of my friends here to witness your signature if you want to be added to the deed for the house.”

“Yes. I can’t wait to show Jack. He can practice his soccer here in the backyard easily, and the kids can have a pool party at the end of the season, or really any time of the season.”

“I’m glad you like it. Many don’t want as big of a yard as you have here.”

“Well, it’ll just be five of us that live on the grounds but I’m sure my godson will want to visit often, and we have a large extended work family. It won’t seem so large when they are all staying over.”

“The guest rooms on the upper floor are actually two rooms each with a shared bathroom and a small antechamber at the front. The original owners of the house had a lot of family that liked to visit several times a year, so the room was made up that way. They only ever had a single child, and the boy loved to read. I actually have a book that the owners wrote about their house when they were building it and up through when they sold it. I’ll make sure to get that for you.”

“That would be great.” Spencer would love to read the history of the house. Why it was set up on the inside as closer to a old castle than a newer house. Spencer looked at the back patio that was off to the side of the kitchen. A smaller door led right to an area where it looked like there was a place for a grill and other outdoor cooking units but off to the side was a stone grill. Spencer moved over and saw that it was indeed a stone grill, set for wood grilling. Aaron loved to cook outside, even in winter and had forced Dave to let him use his place for that kind of cooking for Jack.

“You just relax out here, and I’ll take care of this. I’ve had this house on my list for four years. The current owners have paid to maintain it but not having it on there would be awesome.”

“Thanks.”

An hour later, Shana and her lawyer friend were leaving to meet with Aaron at Quantico while Spencer was holding the keys to the place. Aaron had already set up the transfer of funds from his accounts to the realtor. There were already beds in the master bedroom, and Jack’s stripped bare but beds still. There was every single possibility that they could spend the night there with little issue. Spencer had found a moving company that with a small added fee, would be willing to get them in on the next day. Will was already contacted to help move some of the more fragile things from Spencer’s storage unit. The garage for the house would hold the two cars they already owned and the one that Spencer was going to get. He wasn’t going to get rid of the Amazon, but he would keep it in running condition. Even with all three cars in the garage, there was storage space so that Spencer’s already boxed up things could go in there and between cases, Spencer could work on a box at a time.

Spencer laughed when he saw a text from Monty at the end of what should have been Spencer’s work day that said that the team would be at his location as soon as possible to have that discussion and that Monty was bringing pizza and beer. There was enough outdoor furniture that they could all sit around. Spencer would rather have Aaron there, but there was no stopping Monty when he got an idea in his head. And it would give the IRT a chance to talk without fear of making Aaron mad. Spencer decided that he would head inside and look around the kitchen until the team got there.

The booming knock only twenty minutes later told Spencer that Monty and the team were already en route when he had messaged that. It was only a little bit after five, but beer and pizza did sound good. Spencer texted Aaron to tell him to meet at the new place and that Jack and Jessica were more than welcome to come.

“Monty,” Spencer said when he opened the door. The analyst smiled at Spencer before hugging him.

“This is big digs, Doc. What are you doing here?”

“My fiance and I just bought the house. We plan on moving in as soon as possible,” Spencer said. He reached out and shook Garrett’s hand when the man stepped inside. Clara Seger and Mae Jarvis were right behind him carrying the pizza and beer with Matt Simmons taking the end of the line of agents.

“Jack says that you are thinking of joining our team,” Matt said as he reached out to shake Spencer’s hand.

“There is a good chance that I might.”

“I never thought that anyone would shake you out of the BAU’s A-Team.”

“That’s where the reason for this meeting comes in. I have a place for us outside. Beer, pizza, and talking on the patio.” Spencer waved them back and tried to take the pizza from Clara, but she jerked it out of his hands.

“Last time one of the guys carried the pizza, we picked the toppings off of the top of the box. No. Now go,” Clara said with a smile. Spencer raised his hands and motioned for her to go first.

“Straight back into the kitchen. Can’t miss the big glass doors.”

Monty stayed back and walked with Spencer.

“I didn’t know that you were engaged. When do we get to meet the special person you decided that you want to marry?” Monty lifted Spencer’s hand to see the ring, but Spencer wasn’t wearing it at the moment. He didn’t like wearing it at work as it brought on too many questions from too many people. It was inside of his wallet that held his credentials. Aaron’s was in his own wallet in the same place.

“That will all become-” Spencer stopped when he heard knocking on the door. “Is there someone else on the team that I don’t know about?”

“No,” Monty said.

“Go, and I’ll catch up, probably neighbors.” Spencer turned back to the door, and when he opened it, he was shocked to see Jessica and Jack.

“I’ve had a work emergency, and when I texted Aaron, he said to leave Jack with you here. I’m sure that I’ll find out why but I really have to go.” Jessica barely learned to brush a kiss on Jack’s forehead before she was turning and leaving.

“Aunt Jessica has been acting weird since she got a call from work. Where are we, Papa?” Jack asked as he leaned into the house enough to look around.

“Well, Jack, this is where we are going to be moving, but before you can go look around, there is pizza in the backyard.”

“PIZZA!” Jack yelled and slipped past Spencer to take off running. Spencer chuckled and shut the door before he realized that Jack fully intended to run the whole way. That meant seeing people he didn’t know. Spencer took off, and by the time that he caught up with Jack, the boy was staring at the IRT with a weird look on his face. Monty was looking at Spencer in shock.

“Isn’t that-” Matt started but stopped and looked at Spencer.

“Jack, this is Agents Jack Garrett, Matt Simmons, Mae Jarvis, Clara Seger, and Russ Montgomery. Everyone this is Jack Hotchner, my soon to be step-son.”

To say that the IRT, minus Garrett, was shocked was putting it mildly. Jack though moved forward and gave each of them a handshake before he sat down on one of the lounge chairs and patted the bulk of it for Spencer to sit down.

“That’s a da-darned good reason to want to switch teams,” Matt said.

“There is more to it than that, but yes, part of it is that Aaron and I have been in a relationship and one of the team couldn’t handle it and reported it. So I was given the option of leaving the team for a year. I think that it’s to show that even with Aaron and me in a relationship, the team didn’t suffer. Garrett offered me a place on his team.”

“You aren’t going to be on Dad’s team anymore, Papa?”

“Not for a year, Jack but don’t worry, I’m still going to be hunting bad guys. If this team here likes me, I’ll go with them and chase bad guys all across the world.”

“Cool but what about Ilia?”

“Who is Ilia?” Clara asked.

“She’s my little sister. Aunt JJ is still carrying her, but I can’t wait to meet her,” Jack answered as he eyed the two pizza boxes. “What kind of pizza do you have?”

“One is meat lovers, and the other is veggie with no mushrooms,” Monty answered.

“I have water,” Mae said, and she pulled two bottles of water from her purse before handing one over to Jack. Spencer took the seat that Jack wanted him to as Monty started to pass the pizza boxes around. Jack grabbed one of the veggie slices and looked it before taking a bite. He made a face, and Spencer took the piece. Monty handed the meat box over, and Jack took a slice of it instead.

“He’s like his father, likes his pizza to have meat on it.” Spencer took a bite of his slice as Jack stuck his tongue out at him.

“So why exactly would we have an issue with you being on the team?” Monty asked.

Spencer looked at Jack and then over at the tree house. “Jack, why don’t you go over and look at your new treehouse?”

“There aren’t any plates.”

“You can come back over and get another slice just don’t climb up into the treehouse until I make sure it’s safe.”

“Yes, Papa.” Jack held his slice of pizza in one hand and his bottle of water in his other and walked slowly over to the treehouse.

“What do you know about the case that had the BAU working with the MPD, almost five months ago?”

“UnSub was drugging male victims with an erectile dysfunction pill and women with aphrodisiacs as well as a date rape drug to make them forget. Monitored them and recorded what happened in the days and weeks that followed. His goal was to drug a lesbian woman into loving him and being able to have sex and like it even though he was a man.”

“His last two victims were kept secret from all reports that were given over to public consumption. Those were two BAU agents. The fallout of that wasn’t what the UnSub wanted, and it threw him when the BAU tracked him down. That is how Agent Jareau is pregnant with my child. She was trying with her husband and was afraid that taking the morning after pill would abort a child of his. She took a gamble, and she lost. She, however, was willing to carry the child in the capacity of a surrogate if I wanted her. I did. In the aftermath of everything that happened, Aaron and I got engaged. It came out to my team that I was in a relationship with him and one agent couldn’t take it.”

“That would be Morgan,” Matt said, but he wasn’t smiling.

“Yes. He went to Strauss, and she went above Aaron’s head without even talking to him. I think that because of that, Aaron spilled a few secrets of hers to the Assistant Director that got her screwed more than it did Aaron. So for a year, I will be on a different team, Agent Morgan is going to be transferred to Chicago, and I never heard the actual fallout on Strauss. Aaron stays as the Unit Chief for the team.”

“I didn’t…wow.” Mae looked shocked. “I’ve heard all kinds of rumors from the BAU. That you and Morgan were in a relationship, that you and Jareau were but never you and Hotch.”

“Same,” Monty said. He looked down at his pizza and then started to eat. Monty looked upset. “I usually can read people better. We all went on that night out drinking, several of the teams and nothing. You and Hotch sat beside each other most of the evening but then JJ was on your other side. I can’t believe that Hotch would even do that. He’s so straight-laced.”

“That’s the ones to be scared of, Monty!” Mae said with a laugh.

“So one year of you on the team and after it’s negotiable?” Monty asked.

“Yes.”

“Guess we better make sure that we don’t lose our new genius then.”

Spencer laughed and laid down on the lounger to watch Jack as he moved around. Before all of the pizza was gone, Aaron came walking into the backyard, a smile on his face. Spencer sat up on the lounger to allow Aaron to sit down behind him, feeling safe wrapped in Aaron’s arms, Spencer closed his eyes and started to drift off.

The slam of a door had Spencer jerking awake, he looked around to see that night had come and while the backyard was lit up a little bit, he knew he was alone. Spencer stood up and stretched before he followed what sounded like Jessica yelling.

“Jessica, calm down,” Aaron said.

“Don’t tell me to calm down, Aaron Hotchner!”

Spencer found that they were in the dining room. Jessica was pacing back and forth while Aaron was sitting down in a chair that he had turned to face where she was pacing.

“I was denied a promotion because I wouldn’t sleep with my boss. I have more time in than Denise, I have a better education, I have better everything except I won’t spread my legs and let my letch of a boss fuck me!”

Spencer didn’t enter the room anymore.

“I’m going to lose my apartment. I’m going to lose my car. I can’t do that. I need to find a job, and it’s going to be hard because I’m sure they will black ball me.”

“You’ve hated that job for three years, and no blackballing will happen,” Aaron placated. He stood up and moved over to catch Jessica where she was pacing. He turned her around and marched her over towards the back door that led from the dining room outside. “See that?”

“The house in your new backyard? Yes.”

“Good. It’s got three bedrooms on the second floor. On the ground floor are an office, a nice sized living room, and a spectacular kitchen.”

“Okay.”

“And it’s yours. I was going to offer it to you as an alternative, but it sounds like maybe a change of a place to live is just perfect for you.”

“I do hate the new owners of my building, and I haven’t signed the new lease.”

“Good. Then after the movers get all of our things from storage and then from the apartment, they can work on yours. There is a three car garage that you can access easily from the backyard. We just gotta talk Spencer into getting rid of the Amazon.”

“I’ll store it in one of those car storage places so that all three of us can park in the garage,” Spencer said as he fully entered the room. Jessica turned back to look at him, and Spencer could see how relieved she was at not losing her apartment. Aaron would have never let it happen, but Jessica was a proud woman. “And you talked about wanting to quit for a while. You commented to me once that if you could have made a living off of watching Jack, you would, if you could not feel guilty about it. So now you don’t have to worry about it. I think that this might just be a blessing in disguise. How do you feel about becoming a full live-in nanny?”

“For Ilia?” Jessica asked.

“Yes. Aaron can explain, but I’ll be joining that team that helps Americans worldwide for a year and having someone I trust to watch her when Aaron is working would be awesome. I’m sure that a paycheck above and beyond food and living space will be easy to work out. You could also theoretically get a job working from home with variable hours. There is a lot of things that you could do. And it’s not like we don’t have the space that if you needed to use our office when Ilia is smaller, you could.”

“You seriously want me to live in the smaller house?”

“Jessica, you are family,” Spencer said, and he meant it. His family had grown so much over the years. It was a good feeling to have people that he could count on.

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Aaron entered the master bedroom, seeing Spencer’s reflection in the free standing mirror that was angled towards the bathroom. Spencer was staring at himself in the bathroom mirror. Aaron watched Spencer as he stared at himself in the mirror. Aaron undid his tie and laid it over the dresser that was closest to him. He worked open a few buttons on his dress shirt before pulling off his suit jacket. He put it on the top of the hamper for him to take care of later. Spencer was still dressed in his suit pants and dress shirt, but his jacket, tie, and socks were long gone. Aaron looked around the bedroom but didn’t see them. That had to mean that the items were already put up.

Spencer only looked up at Aaron in the mirror as Aaron settled behind him. Spencer smiled, and his eyes tracked down to Aaron’s hands as Aaron settled them onto the counter on either side of him. Spencer reached out and picked up Aaron’s left hand, raising it up to press a kiss onto Aaron’s newly ringed finger.

“I love you,” Aaron said as he wrapped his right arm around Spencer’s waist, pulling Spencer into his body. He rocked back and forth a little bit, mimicking the dancing they had been doing just an hour before.

“I love you too, husband,” Spencer said with a smile on his face. It was one of the real smiles that lit up not only his face but his eyes as well.

“Dave did good, didn’t he?” Aaron asked.

“He did. I was afraid that his flair would make him incapable of doing a low-key reception. It was nice. While the fact that he reserved an entire restaurant was a little over the top, he kept the rest low-key. Jack and Henry loved running around and dancing with the waiters. The Greek restaurant was perfect.”

“It was a perfect day.”

“Day isn’t over,” Spencer said.

“No, it’s not. What do you want to do?” Aaron asked. He wasn’t shocked when Spencer didn’t answer but instead just turned around in Aaron’s arms. Spencer wrapped his arms around Aaron’s neck and pulled him into a kiss. Aaron kissed him back with as much emotion as he could. Spencer pushed on Aaron, making him back up but never stopping the kiss. Aaron felt hands working on his shirt, so he started to work on Spencer’s pants. Aaron laughed into the kiss as Spencer finished first, stepping out of the kiss to finish his own pants.

“Might go better if we strip ourselves.” Spencer let his pants drop to the floor before he started on unbuttoning his shirt. Aaron worked on finishing removing his shirt before working on his pants. The flash of purple caught Aaron’s eye, and he looked at Spencer as his husband turned to throw his shirt out of the way. He kicked his pants towards where he threw the shirt. The pair of boxers that Spencer was wearing looked to be silk and on the front was the word just. Aaron stepped forward and turned Spencer around to face away from Aaron. The word married on his ass cheeks. Aaron settled his hands on his hips and pulled Spencer towards him, rubbing his hands on every inch of boxers that he could reach. Spencer hated silk boxers. He didn’t like the way they felt under clothes but Aaron like the feel of them on Spencer, so the fact that he had worn them on their wedding day sent a frisson of arousal through Aaron.

“Why are you wearing these?”

“JJ bought them as my something new. The tie pin was my something borrowed. I wore blue cufflinks.”

“What was your something old?”

“Your gun that you gave me on the Dowd case. Since we were leaving work, I brought it as my gun instead of my revolver mainly because it could be concealed. No one even realized that I wasn’t wearing my standard gun.” Spencer tipped his head back and placed a kiss on Aaron’s chin. “What about you?”

“My new was cufflinks. Jack actually let me borrow one of his tie pins that I bought him to go with his suits. My blue was also the same tie pin. And my old was that quarter that you gave me after that case in Atlantic City your first year on the team. I watched you walk that quarter across your knuckles for an hour on the jet while you looked over the files. You dropped it on the floor of the jet and never picked it up. I did and meant to give it to you, but I forgot and by the time I realized that it was in my go bag I decided to keep it because it reminded me of the Dowd case.”

“We are saps,” Spencer said. Spencer lifted Aaron’s hands off of his hips before turning in his hold. Spencer grabbed Aaron’s hands again and pushed him backward. Aaron’s legs hit the bed, and he sat down. He scooted back so that his knees were on the corner, giving Spencer plenty of room to straddle his lap. Aaron gasped as Spencer did just that. Spencer had been able to be on top during make-out sessions on the couch and a single frottage session that Spencer had been able to complete just the week before. Getting Spencer to be on top for anything remotely sexual was a difficult operation. Aaron had known the drawbacks of Spencer’s mind before Spencer had even figured them out years before but this was something different. His ability to create a fake memory from nothing about what had happened the night that everything had gone to hell was horrible.

“Spencer, don’t.” Aaron didn’t want a freak out on their wedding night. Spencer didn’t answer but instead kissed Aaron, pressing their cocks together. Aaron took it as what it was meant to be, Spencer wanting to try. There had been no freak outs like that first one. Aaron grabbed Spencer’s ass cheeks, loving the feeling of silk in his hands. Spencer shivered in delight as Aaron gripped the cheeks even harder and pulled Spencer even closer. Spencer put his whole weight into Aaron, making Aaron fall backward. Spencer caught himself on his arms, stopping from landing on Aaron.

“Can I ride you? Like this?” Spencer asked.

“Yes.” Aaron used his hold on Spencer’s ass to pull him down onto his cock, closing his eyes at the feel of his husband on top of him. Spencer climbed off of him as Aaron relaxed his hold.

“Up to the headboard and get fully naked.”

“Yes, Sir.” Aaron watched Spencer as he moved to grab the lube from the nightstand drawer before he shimmied out of his underwear. Aaron moved to lay down in the center of the bed. Spencer turned to look at him, disappointment on his face.

“No, up against the headboard.”

“Oh,” Aaron said as he scooted like Spencer wanted him. He arranged the pillow behind his back and waited for Spencer to straddle him again. Spencer didn’t instead he leaned down and licked at Aaron’s cock head. Aaron reached out and buried his hand in Spencer’s hair, almost a reflex because Spencer would get him off that way if he had the chance. It was a sex act that Aaron had little willpower to tell him no, even before he’d figured out that recently, Spencer was using it as a way to not have to work on the fact that he didn’t want to penetrate Aaron at all.

“Do you want to do the honors?” Spencer asked as he handed over the lube and lifted up to kiss Aaron. Aaron took the lube and wrapped an arm around Spencer’s waist pulling him close. Aaron didn’t break the kiss at all as he snapped the lid on the bottle open and coated two of his fingers. Spencer reached back and took the bottle back, opening his mouth and plunging his tongue inside of Aaron’s mouth at the first chance. Aaron took his two lubed fingers and traced them between Spencer’s cheek before pressing up and pushing them into Spencer’s body. “Aaron.”

“Your mine, Spencer. No one else’s. The ring on your finger says that you are mine forever.” Aaron crooked his fingers to where he could brush them across Spencer’s prostate. “Just like I am yours.”

“Aaron,” Spencer whispered before his whole body shivered.

“Spread your cheeks, Spencer,” Aaron commanded as he pulled his fingers from of Spencer’s body, Spencer first used a hand to coat Aaron’s cock in lube before he did as Aaron asked. Aaron used his left hand to hold Spencer where he wanted him by his hip before he held his cock up and pulled down on Spencer. Aaron let go of Spencer’s hip as he felt his cockhead come into contact with Spencer’s flesh. Aaron reached up and grabbed the hand towel that was draped over the headboard. He cleaned both of his hands before taking Spencer’s hand and cleaning. Spencer went right back and spread his cheeks.

“Aaron?” Spencer asked when Aaron didn’t move at all.

“You are the one who gets to control that. To control how fast or slow you slide down on my cock.”

Spencer gasped as Aaron laid his hands on the pillows on either side of him and waited. Aaron watched Spencer’s face as the younger man watched him. Spencer stared for several seconds before he slowly started to press down.

“Watch my face, Spencer,” Aaron said. As Spencer moved his body down on Aaron’s cock. “I like you on top of me, whether you are fucking me or I am fucking you. You used to love this. Riding me until you came. Grabbing the headboard and fucking yourself on me.”

Spencer closed his eyes as he started to move, rocking on Aaron slow at first and building up the speed more and more. When Spencer had his rhythm set, Aaron lifted his hands and pulled Spencer’s face down to kiss him. Spencer’s rhythm faltered a little but it didn’t take but a second or two for him to get back into it. Aaron kept a hold of Spencer’s face, kissing him throughout it all. He could feel Spencer getting closer and closer as the younger man rode him. He wanted Spencer to come first, he wanted him to be utterly sated when Aaron tipped him back and fucked him hard.

“Aaron, touch me, please.”

“No. You touch yourself if you want. Jerk yourself as hard or as fast as you want. Come all over me.”

Spencer’s body jerked, and his hips stuttered as he came all over Aaron’s stomach. He kept moving though, trying to get Aaron off as well. Aaron let him for a few seconds before he let go of Spencer’s face. He grabbed Spencer’s hips and lifted him up to where Aaron’s cock slipped out of him. He tilted Spencer back and quickly slipped back inside of him. Spencer moaned, and Aaron watched his cock twitch just slightly as Aaron brushed his prostate.

“You don’t ever have to worry about hurting me Spencer,” Aaron whispered in Spencer’s ear as he pressed Spencer’s legs to his chest so that he could kiss him when he wanted. “You could never hurt me that way. You could never take something that wasn’t freely given. I love you with all that I am, and I trust you with everything that I own. You already own my heart.”

Aaron pressed their lips together as he fucked into Spencer harder and faster. Aaron came with a cry that he muffled in Spencer’s mouth. Spencer wrapped his arms around Aaron’s neck and held him in place, kissing him hard as Aaron emptied himself inside of Spencer. Spencer kept kissing Aaron, long after Aaron’s cock had gone soft and slipped out of him, long after the release splattered between them started to dry but Aaron didn’t want to stop because it’s what Spencer wanted. They would have to clean up at some point, but Aaron couldn’t make himself stop before Spencer wanted to. They had all night and all of the next day to celebrate their love and their marriage.

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Spencer could hear talking all around him, but he wasn’t listening. Will was up at JJ’s head as she breathed through another contraction. Spencer didn’t want to be where he was but given that it’s what JJ wanted and he would do whatever she wanted. Spencer was behind the doctor as she talked JJ through what JJ needed to be doing. Spencer saw parts of JJ that he didn’t want to see.

“Little Ilia is ready to greet the world, Papa, be ready,” the doctor called out. Spencer looked down again to see Ilia’s head crowning. Spencer stepped closer as the doctor coaxed Spencer’s daughter out of JJ. Ilia came out screaming. With her first cries, Spencer’s ears opened up to the sounds of the room. The beating of the heart monitor on JJ, to the sounds of Will shushing JJ. “Papa, time to cut the cord.”

Spencer took the instrument he was handed and cut the cord right where he was shown. The scissors were taken from him, and next Ilia was being slid into his arms. Spencer looked down at his perfect daughter, her cries started to soften as Spencer pulled her into his chest. He knew that he wouldn’t have long to hold her, just seconds actually so he moved towards where the tests were going to happen to make sure that she was all right. The APGAR test needed to be done as soon as possible. Spencer handed Ilia over to the nurse as soon as he got near, he’d rather let them get the tests done as early as possible and hold her for longer than to keep her for longer now and less later.

“A full head of hair,” the nurse said.

There was nothing except the little breaths that Ilia took in an out as she was cleaned and tested. Spencer didn’t even pay attention to the tests, more worried about taking his eyes off of her. As Spencer looked at her, he couldn’t understand how anyone could ever hurt a child.

After ten minutes, Ilia was handed back to Spencer, wrapped in a yellow blanket with a little purple hat on her head. Gifts from Rossi for her to wear at the hospital. Spencer turned around with Ilia in his hands and looked at JJ. JJ was being cleaned up, but still, she looked at Spencer. Spencer mouthed the words thank you at her with tears threatening his eyes. She gave him a watery smile back and mouthed that she loved him. Will was there by her head, brushing the hair back from her face.

“Papa, I think that a few people in the waiting room want to see you and little Miss Ilia. So Caroline will escort you out there and then to the recovery room where we are going to take JJ. We already have a bed set-up for you in there as well as the bed for Ilia. Caroline?” the doctor said.

The nurse, Caroline, opened the delivery room doors and escorted Spencer out towards where the waiting room was. Spencer wanted to watch Ilia, but he needed to watch where he was going. He looked up to see Aaron pacing back and forth in the room with Jack sitting in the corner reading. Caroline didn’t enter the waiting room, but she waited outside. Spencer stood in the doorway, waiting for Aaron to realize that he was there.

Aaron paced from the right side of the room to the left five times before he realized that someone was staring at him. He stopped moving and looked up. Aaron moved quicker than Spencer has ever seen him move if a life wasn’t threatened to get to where Spencer was.

“She’s beautiful Spencer,” Aaron whispered.

“And hungry I bet,” Spencer said.

Jack jumped out of his chair, throwing the book to the floor, and running at Spencer. Aaron picked him up, and Jack looked down at Ilia.

“She’s so small.”

“She won’t stay that way forever. Remember how big Henry has gotten.” Spencer smiled and held her so that Jack could touch her. Jack reached out and touched her cheek. Ilia parted her lips and let out a little whimper. Jack jerked his hand away.

“I hurt her!” Jack cried out.

“No, you didn’t hurt her. She’s hungry and fussy is all. Once JJ is settled in her room, I’ll have Caroline here come and get you two. Jack, you can hold her once I’ve fed her.”

“Okay,” Jack said. He wiggled in Aaron’s arms, and his father set him down on the tile. He moved back to his book and picked it up before he sat down again. Spencer could tell though that he was upset. He really did think that he had hurt Ilia. Spencer looked at Aaron and asked him with his eyes to stay where he was. Spencer moved over to where Jack was and sat down. Jack looked up at Spencer for a second before looking away. Spencer settled Ilia into one arm and reached out to Jack, pulling the book from his hands. Jack let it go willingly. Spencer set the book between his leg and the arm of the chair before he patted his thigh. Jack carefully climbed into Spencer’s lap. Spencer wrapped his arm around Jack’s side, and when Spencer transferred Ilia to in front of him, Jack immediately raised his arms up to take her. Spencer settled Jack more in the center of his lap and when guided him to the correct way to hold Ilia.

Ilia fussed a little in his arms, but she settled down right away. Spencer heard the click of a camera and looked up to see Aaron standing there with his phone out. Spencer blushed and ducked his head back down before Aaron could snap of picture of him looking at the camera. He knew that he would have to live through many pictures once the rest of the team was allowed to visit the house, but he wasn’t going make a fuss at Aaron.

“You know how you get cranky when you are hungry in the mornings, and your dad takes too long to make pancakes? Well, that’s how she feels right now only she can’t do anything but cry to make her needs known. You would never hurt her on purpose and if she cries when you touch her, just keep touching her, and she’ll calm down.”

“She doesn’t move a lot,” Jack said.

“She’s only twenty minutes old, Jack. She’ll start to move around when she’s not to shocked. She just came from a wet, warm world inside of JJ, and she’s getting used to a colder place that is a little rougher. Don’t worry, she’ll wiggle a lot when she’s more used to her new body.” Spencer knew that he needed to see about getting up and getting her fed and settled into the room, but he liked this, sitting there with Jack in his lap and Ilia in both of their arms. Jack was just staring down at her, so Spencer looked up at Aaron who was still taking pictures, but the phone wasn’t making the camera sound anymore.

“Smile at me please,” Aaron said, and Jack looked up at his father while Spencer just smiled. There was a flash of the camera before Jack looked back down at Ilia.

“Dad, you need to hold her. I’ll take yours and Papa’s picture.”

Spencer transferred Ilia back to his arms and let Jack slid out of his lap. He moved right over to his father and held out his hand for his phone. When Aaron handed the phone over, he sat down in one of the larger chairs that allowed for Spencer to sit beside him without an armrest between them. Spencer moved over and sat down, transferring Ilia to Aaron’s arms. Ilia seemed like she was going to protest it but she calmed down when Aaron slid a hand under her head, supporting her a little before he tipped her up, laying her head on his shoulder, her face turned in towards his neck. Ilia made a sound that Spencer would swear was a coo, and then she seemed to settle down even more. Aaron wrapped his other arm around Spencer’s waist and pulled him in tight.

“Ready, Jack,” Aaron said.

The phone made the shutter sound and then Aaron leaned in to kiss Spencer drawing Spencer’s face even closer as he kept the kiss chaste. The noise of the camera taking another picture had Spencer looking at Jack. Jack just gave them the biggest grin that he could before he moved over to hand his father back the phone.

“I should head in with her. I’ll make sure that Caroline or someone else comes and gets you. Do not share that last picture with anyone, ever.”

“I won’t,” Aaron said with a smile. Aaron transferred Ilia back to Spencer, and then Spencer turned to leave the room. Caroline was there with a smile on her face.

“Your other son is going to be an awesome big brother.”

“He already does pretty well with my Godson, Henry. Poor Ilia is going to grow up with two older boys who can call her sister. JJ is Henry’s mother, and Henry knows that Ilia is mine and his mother’s, but he understands as much as a child his age can that Ilia will not be his sister in anything but blood.”

“Still, that instinct is going to be there.”

“I know. Ilia won’t have a chance to keep a boyfriend until she moves out of the house because between my husband, Will, and Ilia’s Uncle Dave, there are too many men with a love of guns.”

Caroline laughed as Spencer smiled at her before he ducked into JJ’s room. JJ was already there, a smile on her face as she took in Spencer with Ilia. JJ held her arms out, and Spencer transferred Ilia over with no issue. Will was seated in the chair beside the bed with a smile on his face. Caroline ducked out of the room and shut the door.

“She’s perfect, Spence.”

“You still do perfect in the baby making department,” Spencer said.

“I know but you had a hand in this one as well, and I think that she’s going to be a heartbreaker between your looks and mine. I just hope that she gets your intelligence.”

“Why?” Spencer asked, genuinely shocked. He didn’t care if she was smart or not. He just wanted her healthy and happy. Those were the only two things in the world that mattered.

“Because it will be something more that connects you and her. I know that all you are about is that she’s healthy, but brains will take her far, farther than her looks will. And I know that she’ll do better if she has a brains behind her looks, she’ll take the world by storm.”

Spencer didn’t know what to say to that because he knew the curse that intelligence like his, could be and he didn’t wish it on anyone. JJ would never be able to understand the gift and the curse of a brain like his. Spencer knew that he wouldn’t be able to get her to understand it either, so he decided not to say anything about it.

“You two will be Ilia’s Godparents yes?” Spencer asked he was worried that JJ would say no. The only way that she would ever have to actually take custody of Ilia was if Spencer, Aaron, and Jessica were killed as Jessica was set in Aaron’s will to take Jack and there was no way that if Spencer and Aaron died that anyone would take Ilia away from Jack. Jessica had already agreed to take Ilia. She was settling into her life as a part-time worker and full-time nanny well. Aaron had actually found her a job as a data processor for the FBI, a home based position that was an extension of HR. She was a pro at it, and she liked doing it as she could do it at any point in the day as long as the files she got each morning were done within two days.

“Of course,” JJ said.

“Good, because I don’t think that I have anyone else in my life I would want to be her Godmother or father.”

“Don’t make me cry, Spence.” JJ tried to lift up her arm and wipe at the tear in her eye, but she hissed a little in pain and Will was there, taking Ilia and then dotting at her face. Spencer didn’t even apologize at all instead he took the chair that was beside the one that Will had been in and settled down. A few moments later, Caroline entered. Will passed Ilia back over to Spencer.

Ilia took to the bottle easy, with Caroline watching. When Ilia finally started to fall asleep while sucking at the bottle, Caroline walked Spencer through burping her before she settled down to sleep on Spencer’s shoulder.

“I’ll go and get your husband and son,” Caroline said as she settled away.

Spencer knew that he should settle Ilia down in her bed, but he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to let go of her. Aaron and Jack entered, and Caroline shut the door, giving them privacy.

“Garcia is going to drop off Henry in a little bit. I promised him that he could come and see Ilia,” JJ said as Aaron settled on his haunches beside Spencer, brushing the slight hair on Ilia’s head away from her head.

“That’s fine,” Aaron said he smiled up at Spencer. “I was planning on taking Jack out to eat so Henry can come with us, and that way Will can have a relaxing night before you guys head home tomorrow. Jack and I were going to finish up the surprise that we got for Spencer in the nursery.”

“Aaron,” Spencer said, his voice low so that he didn’t wake up Ilia but Aaron just smiled and leaned in to kiss Spencer.

“Let me spoil you,” Aaron whispered in Spencer’s ear when he pulled back.

“Okay.”

Shattered Dream scene separator

Aaron was awake in bed when Spencer slipped into it. Spencer had tried not to wake up Aaron when he had got up a little while before, muffling the baby monitor as soon as Ilia’s cries woke him but it was too ingrained into Aaron not to wake up. So Aaron had rolled over and turned the monitor back on and listened to Spencer as he fed, changed, and talked to Ilia until she went to sleep. Aaron felt Spencer reach over to turn the monitor back on, but when he turned the dial, and there was no click, Spencer rolled over to look at Aaron in the inky black that was only illuminated by the night light in the bathroom.

“Why didn’t you go back to sleep? You barely slept on the case,” Spencer whispered.

“I’m not that tired. Been wide awake since Ilia cried. I also knew you would be wide awake as well as you went to bed at the same time as me.”

“You need to rest though.”

“I know of a way to get us both back to sleep.” Aaron moved quickly, covering Spencer’s body with his own and kissing him. Aaron was naked while Spencer was dressed in a pair of sleep pants. Ilia liked the feel of skin to skin when she was falling asleep and would cry until her face was touching skin. It had taken Aaron some getting used to, but Spencer has taken to it easy. Even Jack would go shirtless for cuddling time with Ilia.

“Aaron, you are naked,” Spencer said as he spread his legs to allow Aaron to slid in between them.

“I am, and I would like you to be.” Aaron dipped his head back down for a kiss. Spencer’s hands brushed down Aaron’s sides. Aaron waited for the hands to leave him before he rolled off of Spencer. Aaron felt Spencer push his pants down, the bed shaking but before Aaron could even think about turning back over, Spencer was astride his hips. Aaron reached over and turned on the light. It was a three level light, and Aaron only clicked it on the lowest level. Spencer blinked at him in the light.

“Grab the lube while you are at it,” Spencer whispered before he started to duck down. Aaron expected his lips to be taken in a kiss so when that kiss was placed on his neck instead, Aaron turned to look at what he was doing as he grabbed for the lube. Spencer kissed down the side of Aaron’s neck before he licked from the edge of Aaron’s collar bone down right to where his arm became armpit. Aaron dropped his head back down onto the pillow as Spencer’s tongue traced just on the edge of his armpit, down to his side. A single kiss was placed on his skin, just above each of his ribs as he moved down Aaron’s body. Aaron grabbed the lube and let it drop down onto his chest. He buried his hand in Spencer’s hair, wanting to pull the genius up and kiss him but knowing that he would fight it. Aaron remembered the first time that Spencer had done something like this. When Spencer had kissed or licked nearly every single inch of Aaron’s skin as he mapped out what spots made Aaron feel good, which spots made Aaron feel ticklish, and which spots had Aaron nearly coming from just a few seconds of play. Spencer nipped at the skin just above Aaron’s belly button before he moved up.

“If you lick my cock, I’ll go off, and I’m too tired to want to wait to get aroused again,” Aaron warned.

“Noted,” Spencer whispered into the skin of Aaron’s sternum. Spencer licked up until his tongue reached the tip of Aaron’s chin. Spencer pressed a kiss into Aaron’s lips, but before Aaron could kiss back, Spencer was gone. He moved down Aaron’s other side, repeating the same thing that he had done. Spencer missed Aaron’s cock and even his balls, going to Aaron’s thighs. Spencer touched Aaron with shaking hands and Aaron would have told him to stop, but he knew that Spencer wouldn’t. Whatever was going through Spencer’s mind, he was handling it. Aaron reached over and turned the light one more step brighter. Spencer glanced up at him for a few seconds before he grabbed one of Aaron’s calves and tilted the leg up. Spencer kissed from Aaron’s knee to the underside of his leg, right where it turned into his butt. Spencer leaned up and manipulated Aaron’s other leg, repeating his maneuver.

Spencer grabbed the lube from Aaron’s chest, never looking up even though Aaron was watching him entirely. Aaron gasped as he watched Spencer coated two fingers in lube before covering his cock as well. Spencer scooted closer, reaching to grab the hand towel that was on the second shelf of the nightstand. Aaron couldn’t help himself as Spencer stretching over him to wipe his hand on the towel, Aaron raised up enough to lick Spencer’s nipple before he took it into his mouth. Spencer didn’t move away. Instead, he shifted to where he was overtop of Aaron. Aaron licked across Spencer’s chest, taking the other nipple in his mouth. Spencer braced himself with his clean hand on the bed, dropping his head to look down at Aaron. Aaron kept lavishing the nipple with attention, hearing Spencer’s breathing deepen and speed up.

Aaron stopped when he heard Spencer’s mouth drop open, and he started to pant. Aaron smiled against Spencer’s skin, wanting him to know how much Aaron wanted this. Aaron felt a finger between his cheeks before that finger pressed inside of him. Aaron flopped back onto the bed. Spencer didn’t move away, just stared down at Aaron’s face as his finger slipped in and out of Aaron’s body. Two fingers were next, spreading the lube farther inside of Aaron. Spencer pulled his fingers free without even touching Aaron’s prostate.

“Do you want me inside you, Aaron?” Spencer asked.

“Yes,” Aaron said, making sure that he didn’t hesitate or say it too soft. Spencer would probably ask that every time for a while and Aaron would answer every time. Aaron looked forward to the day that they went back to normal as far as sex went but he wasn’t ever going to make Spencer feel upset about asking. Aaron knew the psychology of rape aftermath and recovery. “God, yes, Spencer.”

Spencer looked at Aaron with a look of pure shock. It took Aaron a second to switch his gears in his head about what exactly the shock was from. It wasn’t from the fact that Aaron wanted Spencer to fuck him but the fact that Aaron had been unreserved when asking for it. Aaron closed his eyes as he felt the head of Spencer’s cock brush at his hole. Spencer slowly pressed forward, the flared head pushing into Aaron. Spencer’s breathing stayed the same, slow and steady as he pressed all the way inside of Aaron. Aaron kept his words to himself, afraid of what he would say, what words would spill from his lips.

There was a pause as Spencer filled Aaron all the way. Too long of a break and Aaron opened eyes that he hadn’t realized that he had shut. Spencer’s eyes were closed, and the arms that he was bracing himself on were shaking. Aaron reached up and cupped the sides of Spencer’s face. Spencer opened his eyes and looked down at Aaron.

“I love you,” Aaron said.

Spencer gasped, and his body spasmed. His cock pulled out a little and pushed back in. Aaron moaned. He rocked down a little more on Spencer’s cock. Spencer started to rock in and out, barely pulling his cock out of Aaron’s hole. Spencer braced Aaron’s legs up to where he could lean up all the way and kiss him. Aaron held Spencer there, kissing him and when the emotions became too much, and Spencer was sliding in and out of him as fast as he could from the position that they were in, Aaron just held Spencer’s face there. Every breath taken was a shared one.

Aaron wrapped his legs around Spencer’s waist, holding his body close. Aaron could feel himself getting closer, his cock pressed between their bodies, the sensations of skin rubbing on either side. Spencer was staring at him, staring like he could see into Aaron’s soul. Aaron felt his orgasm wash over him, and he fought to keep his eyes open, Spencer did the same as his body tensed. Aaron could feel the swell of the cock inside of him.

“Beautiful,” Aaron whispered when he could talk again. He shifted them onto their sides, facing each other. Spencer slipped from Aaron’s body as they moved, but Aaron didn’t care. The physical intimacy that they were sharing was done, now it was time for the emotional one. Aaron wrapped his arms around Spencer tighter and tucked the younger man’s head under his chin. Spencer draped an arm over Aaron’s waist, and Aaron could feel kisses being pressed into his skin. He knew that they were going to be okay, no matter what their futures in their jobs were.

Shattered Dream scene separator

Spencer settled down into the seat on the jet. The team was all in their spots, working on their own versions of the information needed for the case. Spencer was going over the land and the crime statistics for the area where the American Betsy Silver had gone missing. She was the second American to go missing in Christchurch, New Zealand. It was Spencer’s first case after getting off of paternity leave. The call had come just before noon, and he’d been in his office for the second day in a row.

“Spencer,” Monty called out from the monitor on the wall of the jet. Spencer looked up to see Monty on the screen with a smile on his face.

“Did you need the team, Monty?” Spencer closed his file and stood up.

“No, just you. It’s now just a little past seven in DC and from what I remember, that’s Ilia’s evening story time. I think that this is something that you might want see.”

“Monty, Aaron won’t just turn on the camera on his phone and have Jack record it.”

“No, but he will allow a camera to be installed in the room that sees and hears all.”

“What?”

“Check your tablet that I slipped into your bag.”

“I thought that Garcia did that when she hugged me goodbye.”

“No. I did when you stopped in my office. Just turn it on.”

Spencer dug around in his bag and found the tablet. He turned it on and found it wanted a password. Spencer entered in the one that he used for his home computer, and it opened to a scene of Aaron sitting in the rocking chair with Ilia on his shoulder. His legs were crossed, and a tablet was resting on the leg on top. Jack was on the floor playing with blocks. Spencer looked up at Monty.

“The feed is only accessible on that tablet and my work computer here. Between Penelope and I, we are making sure the feed stays safe. As long as you have a connection, you can check on Ilia’s room.”

Spencer watched as Aaron started to talk, the tablet’s font fuzzy on the screen. Spencer found the volume button for the tablet and turned it up. Jack wandered out of the room looking like he was on a hunt.

“Your Papa is going to be upset that I’m reading this to you as he’s working on Wizard of Oz with you but I don’t want him knowing that I have never read this book before so this will be our little secret, eh Ilia?” Aaron reached over and grabbed a bottle of water, taking a drink. “In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.

Spencer tuned out Aaron as he read to Ilia and Jack. Instead, he watched Aaron. Ilia was asleep after only a page, but Aaron kept reading. Ilia’s nursery had become Spencer’s favorite room in the house beside his little reading nook on the ground floor. There was a bench that was just out of camera sight that Aaron would sit on and work on paperwork while Spencer put Ilia to sleep. Ilia was sleeping for up to four hour stretches most nights. Since it was a work week and Spencer was out of town, Jessica would be sleeping in the guest room to allow Aaron to get some rest. She would handle Ilia waking up anytime in the night.

“That’s adorable you know that right?” Monty asked.

“Monty, should you actually be spying on another Unit Chief from within the FBI?” Spencer asked with a smile on his face.

“Don’t worry, I won’t spread the truth of how big of a softy your husband is. I actually got back on to tell you some information that has crossed my screens.”

“About the case?”

“No. About the BAU stats for case closure since you joined the IRT.”

“Really?” Spencer’s eyes were drawn from Monty back to the tablet when Jack came into the room again. He had a book and settled in on the floor. Aaron was silent on the screen, but he stayed in the chair rocking.

“When you get onto the tablet next time, you’ll have to enter the same password that you used to get on the tablet, but it will want you to make a new one. I’m sure you will use a hard one.” Monty laughed a little and the sound of typing happened and then his focus was entirely back on the screen, at Spencer. “The BAU’s case closure rate has stayed roughly the same, but given that it’s a small sample, that’s understandable; however, the amount of cases they have worked on has dropped by ten percent.”

“How? Aaron is still gone a good bit of the time.”

“Because the cases length average has gone up by two days over the time since you’ve been gone from the team. This was generated and sent to a large chunk of the bigwigs in the upper echelons of the FBI with a recommendation that you be allowed back onto the team as soon as your year review is up. With the stipulation that Agent Rossi take over your performance reviews, and in situations where you are in danger, he will have the lead of the team.”

“Already?” Spencer said.

“Yes. While I don’t think that you will be pulled from the IRT before the end of your year, I believe that the BAU isn’t a dream you’ll have to worry about never returning to.”

“Thanks, Monty. I saw something interesting about some crime in Auckland a few months back. I’m going to text you the case numbers and if you wouldn’t mind sending them to me so that I can print them out.”

“Can do, Doc. Can do.”

Spencer set the tablet aside, making it so that he could see his family as they settled in for the night, seemingly staying in the nursery for the brunt of it. Spencer checked on them every time he finished reading a file or moved over to pick up a print. The team wandered back into the main conference area, prompting Spencer to shut down the feed on his tablet. However, an hour after they landed in Australia, a picture was sent to Spencer’s phone of Aaron asleep in the chair and Ilia in her crib. Jack was walking towards Aaron with a blanket in his hand. The phone buzzed again, and Spencer loaded the new text. Aaron asleep with the blanket over it. Spencer texted Monty to stop creeping on the footage and then pocketed his phone. The case deserved his best attention, even if that night he would stare at the picture before falling asleep. It would be lovely blackmail material to get Aaron to expand horizons sexually. Spencer smiled, looking forward to getting home to see his family.
The End

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