Forever in His Eyes

Title: Forever in His Eyes
Fandom(s): 9-1-1
Relationships: Eddie Diaz/Evan Buckley
Tags: Alternate Season 2, Getting Together, Fluff,
Warnings: No Warnings Apply
Summary: It was Eddie’s favorite holiday, and he was happy to share it with Buck.
Word Count: 4,536
Author Notes: Written for the challenge To Every Season for Fall 2022.
Beta: Grammarly

Eddie looked at his phone and debated what he was going to do. He knew what he wanted, but it was something that would change things. He wasn’t sure how much it would change things, but he feared it would change things a lot. Eddie had stopped and talked to Athena about everything to do with Shannon. He was choosing to have Shannon be introduced back into Chris’ life at the pushing of a therapist, and only if Chris was willing to have it happen. Eddie was sure that it would be allowed.

“Hey, bud, how are you feeling?”

Chris shrugged. He folded the shirt he had picked out to wear the next day. He laid it down and then looked at Eddie. “Have you heard from Mommy?”

“I have, and she’s going to try and call you on Christmas, but she’s not close enough to get here. She’s…she’s still finding herself, Chris.” Eddie didn’t like lying, but Shannon had been pissed when Eddie told her what he was going to be doing, which was divorcing her and getting custody of Chris settled. Shannon had been pissed, but Eddie had understood what Athena said that he needed to control the introduction of Shannon back into Chris’s life to make sure that nothing horrible happened.

“Can Buck come over?” Chris asked.

“I’m going to call him right now to see if he can spend tomorrow with us. I think that an all-day affair sounds good with Buck around.” Eddie would swallow every bit of love he had for the man to make sure that the day wasn’t fucked up. There was little Eddie could do about Shannon, but as much as she wanted to be in Chris’ life, there was Chris’ mental well-being to think about.

Christmas Day wasn’t the best day to have her enter his life. Care was needed, and Eddie understood that now. The sexual side of things with Shannon had been harder to fight. Eddie never thought he was sexual in nature like some other people. He listened to the stories about the people Buck had sex with, and in the end, he knew he couldn’t do that. Yet, there was a lot that he would do. Some people were wired that way, and he wasn’t, but it wasn’t even about Shannon in the end. Shannon was someone he could have sex with that he knew well. He could not have sex with Buck.

Eddie wasn’t out, but then he never felt the urge to just scream to the world he was bisexual. While his parents had accepted Sofia and her being bisexual, she was a female, and it felt like it was always a bit different for them regarding sexual relationships with other women. Eddie knew it was all baked into toxic masculinity; Eddie was finding that a lot of his life was baked into that toxic shit, and it was because of his parents.

It’s why his mother thought that he wouldn’t raise Chris alone. Why they were pushing him to find a woman to date when right in front of him was the best person for him to ever date. No one out there would ever love Chris as much as Buck did. Hell, there was no one Eddie trusted more with his son.

After the first shift, things had changed slowly, and Eddie had seen that Buck had been scared of Eddie replacing him and Buck being forced to move somewhere else. So, Eddie pulled him aside and told him the truth that Bobby had put him there to be Buck’s partner. Eddie still wasn’t sure why Bobby had never told Buck himself, but it was what it was. Things were easy after that.

Now, Eddie was going to be inviting Buck over for Eddie’s favorite holiday. Christmas.

Chris was focused on his pajamas, but nothing that Eddie was worried about; he was just upset about Shannon. Eddie really hoped that Buck didn’t have plans already.

—

Eddie regretted his life choices as he listened to Buck humming as he cooked breakfast for them. Inviting him over ended up with Buck on his couch for the night, along with bringing all of the presents Buck had bought for Chris. Eddie wasn’t upset that Buck had gone all out for Chris as he knew it was the first time Buck had ever bought for a kid. Eddie had given him a list based on what Eddie knew others were getting him. Buck hadn’t bought the whole list, but it did seem like he bought half of it.

Chris didn’t know Buck was there. It had been a surprise. The pancakes, hash browns, and bacon were also a surprise that would get the boy up sometime soon. The smell had already escaped the kitchen and was working its way everywhere else.

“Anything I can do to help?”

“Toast the bread? We can put it in the oven with the hash browns to keep them warm. Should I do a couple of eggs for us?”

“Scrambled with a little of that spice in the jar on the rack beside the stove.”

“Eddie, dear, there are a lot of jars in that rack; none of them say ‘Eddie’s Egg Spice.'” Buck twirled the rack around; half of the jars were labeled in Spanish. “Hell, none of them mention eggs at all; there is one that says breakfast meat.”

“That one. Since when can you understand Spanish?” Eddie asked.

“I lived in Peru, and I picked up more than enough to be able to talk to people. I don’t trust it in medical situations, so others take it unless I am the only one. However, with you here now, it’s not too hard to let you take that over. It’s rare we are apart.”

“You’ve understood everything I’ve called you?” Eddie asked. He picked up the loaf of bread from the bread box Buck had bought him not long after they met. It was covered in superheroes, which Chris loved. It was also large and fit more than just a single loaf of bread. Eddie’s cinnamon toast, along with three bags of bagels, was in there.

The next dish was one of the plates that was safe for oven use for Eddie to drop the toast on. They would butter it as they used it; Eddie never knew how much toast Chris would want, so if it wasn’t buttered, it was less likely to go bad. Eddie had a baggie just for toast that wasn’t used in the bread box and would be used again.

“Most of it. I’ve gotten enough context if you used a phrase that was more to your family’s area of Mexico than other Spanish-speaking areas.”

Eddie wanted to kiss him so badly, but Buck was straight. Eddie would have heard all about it if Buck had had sexual escapades with men. The fear was just too strong. Eddie was sure that Buck would not cut him and Chris off if Buck found out that Eddie wanted him in a sexual manner, it wasn’t how Buck was built, but Eddie wasn’t sure he could maintain. It was better to just stay as they were.

Buck was looking right at Eddie when Eddie looked up at him. There was confusion on Buck’s face, but it faded a few seconds later.

“So this is the stuff you like on breakfast meats and eggs?”

“Steak and eggs usually, actually; otherwise, I put it just on eggs. Abuela uses it on sausage when she gets subpar sausage from the store, and it needs more. She will also put it on bacon for sandwiches. Which a BLT with bacon covered in that? Die and go to heaven good.”

“We will have to try that sometime soon. So what else is planned for today?”

“Chris wanted to go to the zoo and see the lights, but that’s not until later. I thought we could spend the morning doing outside stuff, just whatever we want, even if it’s going window shopping. Chris really likes that. I also need to pick up my order for Abuela. Abuela and Pepa will be here at seven. We are doing dinner a little late, and they are bringing it all. I said I would go to Abuela’s, but they want Chris to fall asleep in his home and not have to be transported out.”

“So I’ll head-”

Buck stopped speaking when Eddie glared at him.

“You are coming to dinner tonight. You are ours for the whole day. You said you had nothing planned. Look, Shannon’s not going to be seeing Chris, and he’s upset about that. I told Shannon to call him around ten, and they will talk a little bit; after that, we are going to be working on introducing her to him again slowly, and at the pace his therapist says is best. He wants you here. I’m okay with giving him what he wants. You are family Buck. Abuela’s adopted you, and I’m sorry, but once she has, there is no escaping.”

Buck laughed and nodded his head. He turned back to the pan and pulled the bacon out of it. He waved his hand toward the fridge, so Eddie figured he was asking for the eggs. They worked just as well in the kitchen as they did on the job. Buck got the bacon in the oven with the rest of the food that was keeping warm. The pan had part of the bacon grease poured out, but the rest was kept to cook the eggs in.

Eddie watched Buck as he worked on eight slices of toast. He buttered two, one for himself and one for Buck for now. He passed it over after Buck got the eggs flipped.

“Over easy?” Eddie asked just as Buck started to put the eggs into the oven as well.

“They will cook a little more in the oven. So, now it’s pancake time, and I hope the bacon smell gets Chris up soon.”

“Coffee?”

“That would be great. I left without my travel mug. I made it and drank on it while gathering up all of the presents I had squirreled in various places. I was just so gungho on getting out.”

“Well, the guest room will be cleared of everything by the time we open presents today, so you can sleep there tonight.”

“Two nights at Casa Diaz? What did I do to deserve that?”

“Be perfect for Chris and me,” Eddie said without thinking. He realized what he had said. His thoughts were racing to try and figure out how to take it back.

“I guess that’s something to talk about when Chris isn’t just about to get up,” Buck said.

“Yes.” Eddie wasn’t sure he ever wanted to talk about it, but he would go along with it if he had to.

Buck gave him a smile, and just as the sound of Chris making his way toward them happened, Buck brushed a kiss over Eddie’s cheek and hugged him.

Eddie found himself calm after that, but he wasn’t sure he could wait for Chris to go down for a nap before the zoo. It would be the only time they could talk.

“Let’s take my Jeep. We can grab the stuff for Chris to nap in the back of it and park at the park while he does.”

“You just want to indulge him after that time we were out, and he took a nap while we were present shopping.”

“Well, it’s a nice Jeep to sleep in. We can pack up everything needed for the day and never return until after the zoo.”

Eddie nodded because it did make sense. The zoo and the shops Eddie had to go to were close together, but the house was far away.

“Fine.”

“YAY!” Chris yelled. He steadied himself on one crutch, raised the other, and pumped it up in the air.

Eddie looked at Buck, who didn’t even have the gall to look ashamed.

—

“It doesn’t have to be anything too overt,” Buck said as soon as he dropped don’t the grass ten feet from the Jeep. The back was a mess of pillows and a pad that Buck had used for years to sleep on when he had been wandering the country.

“Nothing too overt?” Eddie asked.

“You are still working on getting divorced; I know that there will be more than a few who look at that wrong. I don’t need hand-holding in public ever. I’m not going to freak out if you don’t kiss me in public when I think you should.”

“I didn’t even know you liked men.”

“Chim’s barbs about me sleeping with any woman who stands still long enough was enough. Some of the people I’ve talked about in public were actually men. Chim got really bent out of shape about Ashley, and I never corrected him that it’s also a gender-neutral name. After he laid it on thick about that, I just never mentioned a gender, just names. I think Hen caught on, but she’s never said anything.”

“So both?

“More pan? I love a good-” Buck trailed off and looked around. He laughed when he saw there was no one around them. “I love a good dick pounding me; it just doesn’t have to be a flesh and blood dick. The body doesn’t bother me. I just want to love someone.”

“And you think you love me?”

“I think I’m falling in love, yes. It feels like what I felt for Abby but different, in a good way. Like, I know you are not going to ghost me. Even if Chris wasn’t in the picture, I just…you clung to the chance with Shannon again for a while. What changed?”

“You. Honestly. I saw how you clung to Abby, the way others made fun of you for it. It’s why I never told them at first about Shannon leaving me as she did. I have no clue how they would have reacted. I would say better, but then they knew you better and still treated that like a whole thing. I didn’t understand it at first. Then to find out she was your first relationship. I thought about how I was treated when my first girlfriend broke up with me. I was upset, and people were upset right there with me. I wasn’t mocked. It’s when I realized that there was a causticness to some things. I am not sure that most would be able to stand what happens at the 118. I see why a lot of them kind of break off from the main group when we get back.”

“So I made you want something else and then ended up making you want me?” Buck looked smug about it but also just really happy. “The Elf, when we were getting the pictures, thought we made a lovely family. I wasn’t sure what to say but thank you.”

“Miss Gribble down the street said that I looked happier with my man in my life and that Chris can’t stop talking about him.”

“Maddie’s made fun of me for my crush for weeks now. I give as good as I get when it comes to Chim. I don’t understand, but he makes her feel safe. I can’t figure out what to do about his lying, though. So far, he seems like a changed man.”

“Not telling her could cause issues. I mean, even at the academy, I heard all about him. It was long after everything was done, but I heard about it.”

“What are we going to eat before mass?” Buck asked.

Eddie got that he wanted the topic changed.

“I figured we would eat whatever the zoo has, something light. Chris might make it for the mass, or he might sleep through it. He slept through it last year, but that’s okay. He was hungry enough after to eat a good meal before passing out again. He’ll be good to go after a long nap, though. He might even get in a smaller one after the zoo and before mass. Abuela is traditional that the presents will be opened at midnight and not a moment before, so Chris might be woken up again for that.”

“And then they are going to drive home?”

“Eh, Abuela will nap today as well. I think she’s at the age where she sleeps a little, gets up for a few hours, and then sleeps again. Are you sure you want to hang around for the insanity?”

“Um, yes. It’s been a while since I’ve done it. Are you sure your family is okay with me going to mass?”

“Yes. It’s fine. Shannon always came, and she’s not Catholic. I’m not really either, but I love being there with the rest of my family. You won’t be the only white presenting person there, either. One of my cousins is actually more white looking than you. She can’t tan worth a lick, but Erica can speak Spanish, the best of my cousins up here. Adriana and Sofia won’t be here, but that’s okay. They are doing stuff with their family. But my niece is visiting Abuela and Pepa right now.”

“The one who did the pictures of you for the calendar?”

“Yes. She’s really liking visiting Abuela, so after three times of it this summer, she talked her parents into it for the Christmas break. Adriana’s all weepy about her baby growing up. I think it’s mostly that she’s allowed to be herself with Abuela. Adriana’s working on the issues she’s gained from our mother.”

“It sounds like it’s going to be fun. Chris will like having his cousin with him, right?”

“Yes. She might end up staying the night with us as well. I have an air mattress for Chris’ room that we can pump up if she does. She did it during the summer as well.” Eddie inhaled and exhaled before reaching for Buck’s hand and taking hold of it. It took only seconds for Buck to get an understanding of what he wanted and threaded his fingers with Eddie’s.

This was scarier than when Eddie had asked Shannon out the first time.

—

The world was silent, or at least it seemed like it. Eddie looked up at the stars, waiting for Buck to join him with hot chocolate. They had been kicked out of the kitchen as the meal was warmed up and gotten ready for them to eat. Chris and Mariana were asleep in Eddie’s bed at the moment. She had wanted to get a nap in before eating and then moving toward presents.

“It’s not even eleven, right?” Eddie asked as he heard Bucks shuffle toward him.

“It’s fifteen till. Abuela said the mass was quicker this year. She wasn’t upset about it as she said it allowed her to get food on as soon as possible.” Buck handed over the cup of hot chocolate and tucked his own close to his chest as he sat down on the picnic table.

Eddie looked up at the stars again, only looking down to take a sip of his hot chocolate. It was the good stuff, the one with spices that helped warm the body just as much as the warmth of the drink did.

“What are you thinking about?” Buck asked.

“As a kid, my favorite holiday was Christmas, not because of the presents but because everyone came together. Back then, Abuela and Pepa came down with as many kids as they could drag with them. Pepa’s ex-husband was an asshole, and he tried to win the fun parent thing every Christmas, but once the kids were old enough, they didn’t play his games.”

“Well, it sounds like your family make it a special night.”

“They did. My mother tried a few times to get it to stop, but mostly that was her wanting all of the control instead of Abuela. It was one thing my father never tried to change it. He always gave in. Abuela is the head of the family, and while my father’s part has kind of fallen away some, tonight is just going to be busy as hell.”

“Next year, we need to have a bigger place where Abeula can come and cook. She can spend all day with us helping and sleep there. I would offer up the other bed, but I know she wouldn’t take it; even if we shared your bed, she wouldn’t sleep in the guest room.”

“No, she wouldn’t. So I just realized that if this happens and we just…exist like we are now, our anniversary of getting together is Christmas Eve, and I’m not sure how I feel about that.”

“Well, I feel pretty good. I mean, holidays for me growing up kind of sucked. Halloween with you and Chris and then Thanksgiving has given me a taste of something that I feel like I deserve.”

“You deserve the world, Buck,” Eddie said.

“I feel it for the first time.”

Eddie pulled Buck in close, and they sat like that until Abuela called them into the kitchen. The way they were eating wasn’t like it had been when Eddie was a kid, with a big table with everyone sitting around it. It was everyone scattered in the living room, sitting on the floor around the coffee table for the kids. Abuela and a few of the older people were sitting on the couch with TV trays in front of them. Eddie was in a chair with Buck sitting beside him.

Buck was quiet as he ate, his eyes darting around to the people who were talking. Four different conversations were happening, all of them a mix of English and Spanish. It was good to watch as Buck took it all in.

Abuela had seen Eddie holding hands with Buck during mass. She had smiled, a look of happiness on her face. Abuela had changed churches over a decade ago because of Eddie and Sofia; when they had come out to her, she had moved from a strict Catholic church to one that was a little more open about who they accepted. Eddie hadn’t asked it of her, but she had done it anyway. No one at mass cared that there were a lot of people there who didn’t fit the standard of cishet Catholic people. Eddie’s fairly tame family were the oddballs, but they were all accepted as they were.

“What’s on your mind?” Eddie asked Buck when Buck was about half done with his plate of food.

“Trying to decide how to get Abuela to teach me some of these recipes or if I will have to wait until I marry you.”

“Well, half of these, my mother has never been taught. She learned tamales from someone else, and they are not good at all. No one in my family wants her to make them for any meal. Thankfully there are a few dishes she is good at and can make. Some are from her family, and others are ones she’s learned how to make over the years. Tamales are not her strong suit, even when following a good recipe. Abuela made her recipe once, and she just thinks that Mom fucks it up on purpose or something or is willful and changes things that have no need to be changed.”

“So, what you are saying is that I’ll never be taught?”

“Oh, Evanito, you will be taught as soon as you have a few days off, even before you got together with Eddie.”

“WHAT?”

Eddie laughed as a few of his cousins looked at him like they were shocked. Which he had kind of promised to tell them if he ever got together with Buck.

“Edmundo Wilhelm!” Eddie’s cousin Mirabella yelled from across the room.

“It’s just today. I planned to tell you all when you were leaving. You know I don’t like to talk about my relationships any more than I need to. Shannon and I are working on the divorce; we are just waiting on the courts at this point. There’s a lot of legal stuff, but the lawyers are handling it, and we will pull apart from each other easily, given we have not shared a house in two years.”

“And you started to date our Evan while you are still married?”

“He was my Evan before he was ever your Evan.” Eddie glared at all of them.

Buck had been easily accepted into the family, and many of Eddie’s cousins had wanted to claim him over Eddie as their cousins. Eddie understood why. He looked and acted like someone who would just enmesh themselves in the family. Eddie hated that Shannon had never been that welcome, but a lot of that was Eddie’s father and mother.

“Come on, share?” Mirabella said with a wink.

Buck leaned in closer to Eddie like he was a little scared of what was going on. That made everyone who was paying attention laugh.

Chris looked like he was super happy. He knew before Eddie had told anyone else, and he was happy that his Bucky would be even more family than he had been before. To Chris, Buck wasn’t replacing his mother but just filling the hole her leaving had left behind in their lives. Chris still loved his mother and wanted to be with her, but he also knew that Buck would never try to replace her in their lives.

Eddie’s family accepting Buck into his life with no issue made Eddie happy. He wasn’t sure if things would always be good, but he knew as long as Buck was with him, he could take anything his parents told him.

“Who knows?” Pepa asked, even though she knew the answer already.

“Just everyone here. I haven’t told Sofia or Adriana yet. Dios, I’m not looking forward to telling my parents, but I will as soon as more progress is made on the divorce. I already told my lawyer that I have started dating someone. He was a little upset that I wouldn’t give him much more until we meet in person for the next round of negotiations, but he’s happy. Given the two years of her being gone with no contact and me just finally saying enough is enough, there won’t be an issue since I started the relationship after the divorce had started to proceed.”

Shannon left him, so he didn’t feel like it was wrong that he moved on. Buck pushed him to get that divorce, even if he had never brought it up. Eddie wanted him, and he wanted to be unattached so that Buck wouldn’t look at him wrongly. Eddie wasn’t going to string Buck along at all.

When Eddie married Shannon, he felt like he would love her forever, but it felt nothing like this. This time it was different, and Eddie knew this could be the kind of love that lasted forever, like his Abuela and Abuelo. It might be too soon to think about forever, but Eddie thought he had seen it in Buck’s eyes when Eddie told him he had his back.

The End