Title: Coming to a Head
Fandom: Criminal Minds,
Year: Season 7 (2011)
Tags: Asexuality, Asexual!Spencer, Panromantic, Established Relationship,
Pairings: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid,
Spoilers: Up Through Season 7
Summary: It was bound to happen. One of them was going to break. Aaron just didn’t think it was going to be him.
Notes: Everything I got, I got from Asexuality Archive & Asexuality.org
Aaron loved date nights and hated them with equal measure. He was sitting in a nice restaurant after a hard day at work, meetings every time he turned around. Jessica was keeping Jack until he got home and Spencer…Spencer was wonderful as always. He’d thought there would be a nervousness to their dates but there wasn’t. It was just like team dinners out except for the fact Spencer sat beside him. They tried to have one once a week and so far in the three months since Aaron had finally admitted his feelings, they had only missed two due to cases.
And Spencer’s hands.
Spencer’s hands when not occupied with eating were always touching him. After several years of the only real touches he got were from his son, Spencer’s touches were arousing. He’d never been aroused by a hand on his inner arm before nor by a hand on his knee. If the hands were wandering up any higher, Aaron would have thought he was trying to start something. He hadn’t quite taken Spencer at his words that he liked touching. He was so untactile on things; except for his books.
Happy when the date was finally over, Aaron kept his hand on Spencer’s lower back as they walked to the car. He could get home and when he showered for the night, he could jerk off. Date nights always ended with them in the same bed. It felt wonderful and Spencer never questioned or made little of the hard on that Aaron was sporting in the morning.
Idle fingers rested on top of his on the gear shift on his car. It was like the digits had a mind of their own and their job was to drive him absolutely insane. There was no rhyme or reason to what the fingers did. One second the tips were barely brushing the skin on the back of his hand and then the pressure was more and the fingers traced his bones. Light scratching, heavy rubbing, then for a moment fingers linked with his own. It was maddening and Aaron was afraid of snapping.
Aaron was never as thankful as when he pulled his car into park in his spot in the garage. He easily shut the car off and got out. Spencer was only seconds behind him, shifting his bag onto his side. The younger man hadn’t taken it into the restaurant with him but since they had gone right from work out to dinner, he’d had it with him. When they got into the elevator, Spencer linked their hands and his thumb turned in and started to rub at Aaron’s pulse point. No one else got on as they moved up to his floor. He wanted inside his apartment, where it was safe and he could do what he needed to do.
Letting them into the apartment, Aaron didn’t hold himself back. Spencer set his bag down on the floor and turned to say something but Aaron pushed him into the wall by the door. He kissed Spencer like he was drowning and the young man was his only source of oxygen. His hands wandered and before he knew it, they were under Spencer’s shirt and touching bare skin. He felt the contraction of the other man’s stomach muscles. The moan slipped from Spencer throat as Aaron dragged his short nails down the other man’s sides. Body arched up into his and he shoved back, feeling his half hard cock drag against his underwear at the friction.
Mouth opened to let him in and Aaron took. He kept his hands on hips and used his body to hold Spencer against the wall. He started a lazy thrust into Spencer. Spencer’s hands weren’t idle but they were hesitant. Aaron was near frantic with his claiming of the mouth attached to his own when the sound of someone clearing their throat had Aaron shooting back from the man like he’d been burned.
When Aaron finally decided to face his ex-sister-in-law, she was laughing behind her hand and her eyes were crinkled in happiness.
“Jack’s down for the count. He went to bed with no issue. I’m glad that you had a good time on your date.” Jessica grabbed her purse and kissed Aaron’s cheek before she slid out the door with a smile to Spencer. The genius’s eyes were wide with shock and not a small amount of embarrassment. He’d been caught making out at the door by someone. He’d never been caught like that with Haley. He’d been more aware of what was going on around him then. Always proper. There was something about Spencer that had him feeling worse about him than he ever did as a teenager. It showed in the fact that Jessica was able to sneak up on him.
“I’m going to go…just go.” Spencer would have ran if he didn’t want to show how freaked out he was, Aaron figured as he watched the man make a break for it. He was sure that Spencer had never been caught making out with anyone, ever. He took his time locking up, checking the windows, and setting the alarm, giving Spencer the time he needed to get himself under control.
Aaron also used this time to figure out what he wanted. He’d been denying himself sex, giving Spencer time. The worst thing that Spencer could do was say no and then Aaron would be left jerking off alone in the shower. Just thinking about sex of any kind had Aaron’s erection reawakening. He checked on Jack who was exactly like Jessica had said, dead to the world. He kissed his son’s head and then shut the door carefully.
One of the reasons he’d picked this apartment was that it was a three bedroom plus an office as well the fact that it had two full baths, one in the hall and the other off the master bedroom. Stepping into the bedroom, Aaron pulled the door shut. Jack knew that he would need to knock and wait to be called in to come in. It had been that way ever since Jack had moved into a bed that he could get out of. Aaron had memories of friends walking in on parents masturbating and it wasn’t something that he had wanted to repeat with Jack. When he’d chosen to finally try a relationship with Spencer, he’d been so happy that he hadn’t had to train Jack.
Spencer was in the bathroom, brushing his teeth; wearing nothing but a pair of pajama bottoms. Aaron stepped into the room and trailed a hand down his spine, his nails dragging on his back.
“Can we try?” Aaron asked his voice low; almost not audible over the running water. Spencer just looked up at him in the mirror before rinsing off his brush and rinsing out his mouth. When he was done he shut off the water and turned to look at Aaron, leaning back against the counter.
“What’s wrong, Aaron?”
Aaron opened his mouth to talk but he didn’t know what to say. Instead he closed the distance between them and picked up the kissing where they had left off in the living room. Spencer opened his mouth as soon as Aaron’s tongue slid across his lips. Kissing Spencer was something that he thought he could never tire of. Another half step and he was pressed against the lithe body. Hands pulled on his belt loops and Aaron couldn’t hold back anymore. He grabbed at Spencer’s hips and lifted him up onto the counter. Legs spread as soon as he was settled and Aaron gladly pressed himself into Spencer. He set up a slow, lazy pace of thrusting himself into the younger man.
Nimble fingers started on his tie, throwing it somewhere to the side before going after his shirt buttons. Without separating their mouths, Aaron shrugged off his jacket. Seconds later, Spencer was shoving off his shirt. Aaron marveled at how quickly the younger man was able to unbutton the shirt. Hands on his shoulders pushed him back and he looked down to watch as his pants were undone and a hand snaked in and caressed his cock. He almost came right then from the feeling of the other hand. Grabbing wandering hands, Aaron stepped back up to Spencer and instead of going for his mouth, he went right for neck. Spencer let his head fall back so that Aaron could get to as much skin as possible.
Letting go of Spencer’s hands, Aaron worked his boxers and pants off. When he was naked except for his socks, Aaron moved his hands to Spencer’s shoulders. He trailed his hands down his back and then when he reached pants, Spencer moaned. Taking that as permission, Aaron worked the sleep pants down the swell of his ass and when his fingers brushed countertop, Spencer lifted up. Aaron pulled them off in a quick motion, letting them fall between his feet then kicking them away.
Lube was in the drawer to his left and Aaron didn’t want to look away to see it so he reached blindly into the drawer after he nearly ripped it off it’s track to get it open. Spencer’s hand wrapping around his cock had him almost dropping the lube. Coating one of his hands only took seconds and then he had both of their hard cocks in his left hand.
Spencer leaned back, bracing himself on one hand and Aaron was a little shocked to see that his eyes were closed. His legs though wrapped around Aaron’s thighs and kept him close. He was breathing hard, near panting so Aaron kept up on the stroking of their cocks.
Leaning over, Aaron kissed him again and Spencer’s mouth opened. Before Aaron could even think of doing anything, Spencer had a hand wrapped around the back of his head, keeping him close and thrusting his tongue into his mouth. Aaron took that as he was enjoying himself and let his worries wash away. When he needed to breathe, he trailed kisses down Spencer’s neck and even farther down. Skin flushed and breathing hard, Spencer was beautiful.
Aaron bit the skin above Spencer’s heart and then moved even farther down to lick at a hard nipple. Hand on his head tightened and kept his lips right there so Aaron bit slightly. With no warning, Aaron felt Spencer buck and then warmth was spreading over his hand. His own orgasm ripped from him. He kept pumping until Spencer went lax and near slumped back into the mirror behind him. The sink faucet had to be digging in his back but Spencer didn’t seem to care.
When Spencer seemed to be breathing normal again, Aaron felt the man move and then he was being kissed again. Spencer legs tightened around him and then Aaron had a body relaxed into his. It was hard but Aaron worked around to where he could grab one of the washcloths on the back of the sink and he wetted it. Only when he was ready to separate from Spencer did he actually push at the man to get him to move just enough to get them clean. The younger man tried to grab the cloth but Aaron kept it away from him.
“Let me do it, please?”
“Okay,” Spencer whispered. His eyes were locked with Aaron’s. “I never tried to play with my nipples when I masturbate.”
“So that felt good?” Aaron focused on cleaning Spencer up before he cleaned himself up. The lazy smile from his lover told him that he had enjoyed that aspect. Aaron had been looking forward to a shower but now, now he wanted to get into bed and cuddle with Spencer. Before letting the other man slip off the counter, Aaron grabbed his pants and helped him into them, keeping a hold as Spencer slid off the counter and pulled them up over his hips.
Spencer shifted away from him and Aaron watched as he grabbed for the t-shirt but Aaron covered his hand with his own.
“Do you mind sleeping without it?”
“Whatever you want.” Spencer dropped the shirt back onto the counter.
“No. I…” A hand over his mouth stopped him from speaking.
“Aaron, I have always slept in pants and a shirt. Always. I don’t mind sleeping in less but when one never sleeps in the same bed as someone, you get stuck in a rut. I can’t read your mind, you have to ask. If you like sleeping skin to skin we can.”
“If you want to wear pants you can. I just…I want to feel skin.”
“Okay.” Spencer pulled him into a kiss and Aaron lost himself in it for a moment. Spencer pulled away and muffled a yawn into his hand. “I’ll go get into bed while you finish up.”
When Aaron came into the bedroom from the bathroom. Spencer was in bed but he wasn’t lying down. He was sitting up with his back to the headboard. He patted the bed beside him. Aaron moved to sit down but Spencer motioned for him to lie down. Aaron did, pillowing his head on his lover’s thigh.
“I guess that we need to talk a little more.”
“Spencer.” Aaron tried to sit up but the hand on his shoulder stopped him.
“You have done the exact opposite of others that I’ve tried to have relationships with. Instead of trying to have sex as much as possible to fix me, you’ve tried to fight what you feel and turned yourself celibate. I feel secondary sexual desire, Aaron. Pleasing you makes me feel happy. It takes a while in normal situations for me to feel comfortable with it but we’ve known each other so long that it was near instant. I gave you time to get around your hang ups but it wasn’t until tonight that I figured out you were denying yourself. Every time isn’t going to be perfect. There are going to be times where I don’t get off. While I can enjoy sex, I don’t always have a mindset for it. Making you feel good feels good to me. Sex isn’t only about the orgasm. It’s about feelings and love. Your need for sexual contact is part of who you are. I won’t deny you sex. Unless I am really, really not in the mood for it. You aren’t pressuring or forcing me into sex. Your guilt complex in this case is hurting both of us.”
Aaron rolled a little and buried his head into Spencer’s thigh. Every single thing that Spencer said made sense. He was denying himself and to an extent Spencer because of a guilt complex. He didn’t want to use Spencer. He wasn’t listening to Spencer’s cues. The make out sessions that Aaron stopped, not him. The early mornings where Spencer would rub against his crotch. “Sorry.”
“Don’t, Aaron. I should have realized before now. It was just a problem with communication. I know better now. You know better now. I do want to try something at a later time.”
“What?” Aaron finally pulled his head from the warmth of Spencer’s leg and rolled to look up at him.
“I’ve never had or given fellatio. I want to try sometime.”
“Giving or receiving?”
“Either. I’m not picky.” Spencer started to comb his fingers through Aaron’s short locks. It felt good and just when Aaron thought he might be falling asleep. “You seemed off all night at dinner and then when we got back here…what did I do to cause that?”
“It’s nothing. I don’t think it’s going to matter anymore.” Aaron didn’t want to admit he’d been worse than a virgin teenager. That he’d lost that much control.
“I know it’s something I did. I want to make sure I don’t do it again.”
“It’s nothing you did. Not really. I’ve not had sex with someone else since before Haley and I separated. Every touch of yours felt like it was connected with my cock. I don’t think I am ever going to have that issue now.”
Spencer looked shocked. The faraway gaze told Aaron that he was thinking back to everything they’d done that night. He was used to it and waited. Everyone on the team was used to him and his quirks. “I touched your arm, hand, and knee. I never went higher. Ever.”
Aaron pulled Spencer down until they were both lying down on the bed. Spencer rolled to their preferred position for sleeping, his back to Aaron’s chest. The heat of skin on skin was wonderful to Aaron. He trailed his hand down Spencer’s chest to settle on his stomach. Spencer burrowed farther back into him as Aaron pulled the covers up and over them.
“Think of it like this. What if you’ve not had coffee in a while? Months. You’d take decaf just for the taste wouldn’t you?”
“Sorry,” Spencer whispered. He turned his head around and Aaron kissed him softly.
“You didn’t do a thing wrong, Spencer. I should have told you what the touches were doing. I was just so shocked and I put all my energy into keeping myself under control I didn’t even think about asking you to stop.”
“Whenever you want sex, Aaron just ask. We can do something as simple as what we did in the bathroom or you can rub off on me.” Spencer’s voice was soft but Aaron heard every word. He tried to hide his face in Spencer’s hair but when the younger man rolled over, he had nowhere to hide. “You are not using me, Aaron. I get happiness from you. When you look up at me and smile when we are working. Being here, in your bed with you holding me close. Getting to spend time with Jack. Sex is a part of your sexual identity. I knew that going into this. If I didn’t feel secondary sexual desire, this might go a great deal differently but I do feel it. You make me happy, why can’t I make you happy?”
Aaron had no fight for that. It was so simple when Spencer put it in words like that. Compromise. Give and take. Just like a relationship should be.
“I’ll ask. It’s going to take me a little to get used to it. I hate leaving a partner unsatisfied but if you really aren’t feeling it, I’ll get used to it.”
“That’s why I’ve been looking into fellatio. I can suck you off and still get the closeness you need and not have to worry about you seeing me not getting hard. We are both in new waters here. I’ve never had someone who has cared as much as you do.”
“I love you, that’s why.”
“I know. I just…I’m a little lost too but we’ll fumble our way through.”
Aaron sighed as Spencer rolled back to where they were back to front again. He was using Aaron’s arm as a pillow for now. Later, he’ll slip up to where he’s using the pillow but by then Aaron’s arm was going to be half asleep but it was worth it. Everything was worth it. Spencer made more than just Aaron happy. Jack adored him and looked forward to him being over just as much as Aaron did.
Spencer had hang ups about emotions, Aaron knew that. He didn’t know what the younger man felt about him exactly but he never acted strange after Aaron told him he loved him and he didn’t act strange then. Deep attraction was there. That was obvious and there was something more to it but Aaron wasn’t sure if it was love or not. He’d wait to find out though.